Note: Lyrics from: Silverstein, My Heroine. I didn't use the full song just most of the parts. This could be about drugs, it could be about angst and pressure, it could be about anything. It is about anything. Feedback welcomed! Sort of like a beginning to something else I'm planning to add on to this. I can see how some of it sounds like just a bunch of words jumbled together and how it's not something that's reviewed often.

Just One

By: Inkspilled

A single girl sat in the corner of the room. Keeping her head down and eyes blank, she sat still, as if movement would bring too much attention. A vision scarce noticed, as others walked and fiddled past her, entranced in their own lives. Taunting her with the one thing she could never have. She never spoke; she never knew what to say. Knowing that becoming too close always ended in disappointment. Wishing that one day happiness would find her and that regret had passed.

The drugs begin to peak, a smile of joy arrives in me. But sedation changes to panic and nausea, and breaths start to shorten and heartbeats pound softer. (You won’t try to save me. You just want to hurt me, and leave me desperate.) You taught my heart a sense I never knew I had, I can’t forget the times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth. How did you do it?

She thought that there was a way out of this. That if she thought hard enough and fixed every flaw about it, that it would work and that everything against her would disappear; a false hope that fooled us with the bright glimmer of chance. A false hope that never left throughout the years, the days, the seconds of her life. Trying to hide the truth, covering the mess that would never go away, she hid her tearstained face from the world. A lie never told, only heard. She watched in pain as her mind changed it all. Forming the world that she had imagined herself, bringing back a past that haunted and deceived.

(You won’t leave me alone. Chisel my heart out of stone, I give in every time. )

Too weak to try, too hopeless; remembering the feeling of losing it all, the breathlessness the feeling of nothing. Wanting to close your eyes and to never open them ever again, a sick feeling comes to you every time, and the feeling stays slowly taking away from you. Yet, by now, you know. You know that everything has become so trivial, so overrated and used up. But you keep trying, hoping that it gets better each time, and if it doesn’t, you still won’t know, you won’t know anything, too lost to really get anything anymore. Never thinking about what you’ve become and what you’ve done to yourself. Take the pain away, leave the memories far away, and fall into the happiness of nothing. You’ll know nothing, but that you’d be something without it. That you’d hit the harsh reality if you don’t keep running.

I bet you laugh at the thought of me thinking for myself. I bet you believe that I’m better off with you than someone else. Your face arrives again; all hope I had become surreal. But under your covers more torture’s more than pleasure, and just passed your lips there’s more anger than laughter, not now or forever will I ever change you. I know that to go on I’ll break you my habit.

And now you’re getting exactly what you wanted, everything’s falling apart and you’re living it up. Leaving the past the only way you would. The only way you found. Desperate to leave, yet unwilling to lose, this is the death of happiness. Lying there, you don’t feel it, yet you know. You know how peculiar it is that when people feel like they’re dying inside when they’re not; and then you’re slowly dying and fading yet you feel nothing, you feel happier than anything else. It’s like you’re above everyone, that there’s nothing wrong with you. But that everyone else is undeserving, and the only thing you can feel or tell is that you’re above us. Above everyone because it takes you so high that your numb, you don’t want to die, but you don’t want to live, and you want to stay in this trap created by the lies. Biting away at life, they seep through with the scent of death; the lies that are soon to be everyone’s death. Including mine.

You taught my heart a sense I never knew I had, I can’t forget the times when I was lost and depressed from the awful truth; how did you do it. You’re my heroine. (I will save myself.)