We are nowhere, and it's now
We are nowhere, and it's now

--Bright Eyes

.january.

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I

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.rae.

I stared up at one of those oversized, made-for-school clocks, watching as it ticked and ticked on, seconds seeming as minutes and minutes lasting for hours on end. It was days like these, where the time seemed to stand completely still, when I wished that school had never been thought of at all; or at least study hall hadn’t. Nix that; I wish school in general didn’t exist at all. I was half way through my junior year, one sweet year away from absolute liberation, and that itself seemed like light-years away from my grasp.

I dropped my head onto the cool wooden table.

When did this suddenly become so damn complicated?

Why did everything feel as though it was going in slow-mo?

I heard a slight grunt. “You’re so melodramatic.”

Slowly, I picked my head up and leaned against the chair, balancing my weight on its hind legs and stared straight at him; the best guy in the whole wide freaking universe. Actually, he was the only guy that I considered to be on top rank in my list, besides my dad.

Aidan Manning.

There he sat across from me, his eyes fixed on some textbook that I didn’t even care to know of, tapping the chewed up pencil against his notebook, an intense, grave look planted on his face, nibbling on his bottom lip in deep concentration. I’ve only known him for the last three years that I’ve been in this school, but I already knew everything there was to know about him. I met Aidan while I was heading to freshman orientation. At that time he was a sophomore, and I found him sitting out behind the school by the emergency exits, a cigarette in the corner of his mouth, head leaning against the brick wall, eyes closed, earphones plugged into his head and I could remember thinking how much of a psycho he looked just sitting there. I’d asked him if he could tell me where the hell the auditorium was since the stupid school was modeled into a pseudo college campus.

He’d looked up, the sun reflecting off his light hazel eyes and just looked at me, not a word said for what seemed like hours, but was for only mere minutes. All he was doing was staring at me like I was some alien who dropped out of the sky in front of his face. Dull. But then my sarcastic self asked him didn’t his mother ever teach him not to stare, but he replied she’s dead.

Turns out, I never got around to finding the auditorium.

Looking up at him, I noticed that he wasn’t trying to hide, or at least that’s how it looked, the streak of platinum blonde, almost close to silver, that I convinced him to let me permanently put in his short, layered brown hair over the winter break.

“It’ll spice up your look.” I’d said to him, slapping the latex gloves around my wrists, shrugging my shoulders. “And besides, you’ll look like one of those X-Men rejects that looked too damn good to be in the movie but wasn’t because you were blowing Rogue’s world.” All he did was just give me that murderous look he was also famous for.

Eventually, my wit and charm got him to finally give in, and I know he hates me for that, and for the X-Men reject thing since he’s always wanted to be Gambit ‘cos he screws Rogue behind closed doors (so e claims), and ‘cos he’s an X-Men fanatic. Personally, Ninja Turtles were the shit. But anyway, now, since he’s already the garage band god and the school’s playboy, the girl’s just love him all the more with the new look.

My eyes roam lower to the shock of bright green coming off from his shirt, the words I’m Not Listening, sprawled out in bold white letters across his chest.

I let out a stifled laugh, but he chooses to ignore me, eyes fixated on the gibberish called English literature, seeing as though he’s still trying to aim for that full scholarship to some school in Cali by burying his face into those useless books. I don’t know, I guess that‘s just my opinion about the school system. Shoot me. I mean, I do not get why he needs to go across the country, to a whole different time zone, to study about dead authors and philosophers when he could do it…here.

I take a deep breath, trying not to get myself all worked up, because lately, that’s how I’ve been reacting whenever the thought of Aidan and college crossed my mind. I would just get angry and defensive on him, and even on myself, and eventually it’d lead to a fight where at the end I end up socking him somewhere and then leaving.

Turning my head, looking away from him before I lash out, my eyes catch onto Mrs. Pitt (or so she says, and wishes) who is sitting behind her desk, reading some sort of paperback that I’m assuming is an erotic tale where the Fabio looking guy is seducing the young innocent farm girl.

I have to say, that’s the most cliché thing on this fucking planet.

But it’s the occasional rubbing of the thighs, the crossing and uncrossing of the legs, and the every so often tug of the blouse collar that gives the big spoiler. Or maybe she’s just drying up down below and having hot flashes.

Either way, I find it hilarious.

My eyes avert to the table where the jocks are all sitting around, and they have nothing else to do than to throw paper and spit balls out of straws from the cafeteria at each other and let out a gut laugh if they hit someone right on target. I’m ashamed to say that my brother is among those retarded airheads, sorry excuses for boys. I mean, macho, macho man, baby.

Right on.

It’s almost as though he senses that I’m looking at him because he turns his head in my direction and crosses his eyes at me, and I think about how I possibly put up with that monkey day after day; or how we’re even related at all because there are days when I think I was adopted. I ignore his gesture; not giving into any retaliation because then he’ll start up with immature antics that involve hooting and tooting from his football friends.

I shake my head and think to myself how happy I am to not have any interest in the male specimen in the intimate aspect, grateful that I don’t have to put up with their crap.

At all.

Then I move on to see the nerds. I have no words to explain them, none at all. Well maybe that they have their faces so far into their books that if they pull away, half of their face would be covered in ink.

And, oh joy my favorite. The preppy, prissy, sluttish, O-M-G girls sitting near the jocks, hiking their skirts so far up their thighs you could see their, um--female reproductive organs--yeah, aiming for attention. At times, I would be so utterly turned on by this, but now I just want to gag. So these girls have nothing better to do than to check their make-up and hair every five seconds in their mirrors that are practically attached to their palms, like guys think about sex

Other than those sad exceptions, the library is semi-empty, except for those couples that sneak into the dark corners of the room gettin’ down with the nasty. And of course, there’s Aidan and I, but we’re the coolest people you’d ever meet so there is absolutely no use in criticizing and judging us.

I look back at Aidan now and the slick of platinum blonde has fallen into his brown and amber, almost yellow, eyes, and I have the urge to brush it away, but I don’t because he looks so adorable that way and I just wish that I had my drawing pad and pencil with me so that I could sketch it out to remember it this way forever. I remember the day we came back from winter break, just a few days ago, and once he walked through the entrance, all heads and eyes snapped his way and the lusting for him reached an all time high. I remember how he’d glared at me, eyes blaring out from his thick eye lashes, wishing that he could pull his beanie down over his entire body.

It’s a curse to be so damn beautiful.

I dig out a cherry Jolly Rancher from my coat pocket and dust off the lint balls that stick to it. I have an unhealthy obsession with them.

“Hey Aidan.”

I snap out of my train of thought and my head automatically jerks to the left of Aidan.

Jesus Christ.

Aidan’s head slowly rises and he looks next to him, but his eyes stop at the bulging cleavage that teases his male eyes. He doesn’t even have to look up at the face to know who the girl is, because it’s all in the boobs. It’s always in the boobs.

Melina Torricelli.

The full breed Italian mafia, Coach and Prada wearin’, stuck up, oh-my-gosh I’m amazing, princess, who is in love with Aidan; or at least in lust with him and his bedroom skills. Or maybe it’s just the way he handles her kitty and puppies. Either way, I’m not in slightest bit interested of how that works out.

Now, I have to admit, Melina is kind of hot. But she’s got that fake tan, leather looking skin going on that’s a turn off, but everything else is a nice sight. She lacks in the ass department, but the cleavage is… Holy God, I think I’m creaming.

Joke, I swear.

But, she’s okay all in all. The only down point to her is that she’s the easiest girl in the school, and has only God knows how many diseases. So I wouldn’t touch her even if I was over the edge horny. But how I wish there wasn’t that one time--

“What’s up Mellie?”

Her face lit up in a thousand pixilated colors. She loved it when Aidan called her Mellie, just another pet name he gave to just another one of conquests.

She cocks her head to the side. “Nothing much,” she grabs a strand of highlighted light brown hair and twirls it around her finger. “I just saw you here, looking all bored and alone so I decided to see if I could help you out and keep you company.”

Translation: Can I blow you off in the corner?

I roll my eyes, snort and begin to play with the hem of my shirt, wrapping a strand of loose string around my index finger, watching as it was turning purple. This girl was a trip, so desperate; she was the poster child to all whores. I could suddenly feel both of their eyes burning into my skin.

“Oh,” she says tersely, dropping her hands to her hips. “I didn’t notice you there Rachelle,” I seethe as that name escapes her lips. “How’s it going?”

I look at Aidan and see him looking at me, a grin spreading over his mouth, the dimple on his cheek deepening. I silently curse him to hell then I look up at the lady of the night “Just wonderful Mellie,” I drawled out, crassly smile. “How’s the count so far?”

“Excuse me?” an overly waxed eyebrow rises slowly, her lips piercing together to form a thin line.

“Oh you know, the count. Last time I heard, you were sky rocketing towards triple digits.” Now she knows what I mean and is taken aback. Now I’m enjoying myself even more. “Good going, I bet some day soon you could actually get paid for it now. Well at least more than a quarter and a ten cent tip for the cock suck.”

Aidan’s jaw drops.

Melina gasps and then huffs, her forehead creasing into a devious sneer. Turning her face away from me, she looks down at Aidan who’s forcing himself to look at her face, instead of her chest. “I really don’t get what you see in this…this…” she faces me again, “dyke,” she spits out. “She’s not even pretty.”

I let out a laugh, my candy almost falling out of my mouth and shake my head, placing my hands on the table, lacing them together, businesslike. “Well Mellie, I’m glad you finally got the memo. It’s funny ‘cause I remember seeing you once or twice hooking up with—what’s her face? Oh darn, I forgot her name,” I tap a fingertip against my chin. “Wait, wait, no, I think I’ve got it,” I straighten up and stare at her dead in the face. “Me. So go and chew on a cracker and jump off Aidan’s dick. ‘Kay?”

Not daring to utter another word, she turns on her heal without another breath or seconds spared and storms out of the library, her little tails hurriedly trailing behind her waiting for her to dish out the details.

As soon as she was gone, Aidan began shaking his head, trying not to laugh out, and all I do is just grin and sit back against the chair again, rubbing my stomach, suddenly hungry and craving for an arcade game. He puts his pencil down and swiftly takes off his beanie, running his fingers through his hair. Then he looks up at me.

“You’re insane.”

I just shrugged. “I don’t like her.”

He tugs the beanie on over his head again. “Well, that’s the biggest news of the century, Rae. I had a feeling something was gonna happen once she said Rachelle.”

I winced. I really hated that name. “Shut up.”

He laughs again and sighs heavily. “Jesus…”

“What?”

“Don’t you find it kind of weird that both you and I slept with her? It’s like fucking each other and the rest of Baltimore,” he remarked and I burst out laughing. “I’m not gonna lie though, she was a hot lay.”

I look at him disgustedly. “I’m going to ignore what you just said, and yeah…I still regret it. I swear I’m never smoking again.”

“Shouldn’t have picked it up from the start,” he lashes back, packing away his books inside of book bag.

“Bite me. And what the hell, you shouldn’t talk Mister I-Need-A-Cigarette-Right-Now.” I spat.

He stands up and leans against the table towards me, eyes dancing amusingly. “There’s a difference between cigarettes and marijuana, Rae.” He draws back and tosses his book bag over his shoulder.

I pout and cross my arms over my chest. My stupid, stupid chest. “I know that. And where’re you going?”

“I’m hungry. C’mon.”

I looked at him, bewildered and raise an eyebrow. “Well Mr. Scholarship, if you can’t tell time, it’s only eighth period.”

He pushes in the chair. “I know. But I finished homework, and there’s no sense in my staying here longer than necessary. Nor is it necessary that I torture myself by watching you do nothing productive with your obviously spacious time.”

I cover my ears with my hands and stand up, pausing midway of pulling my jacket on over my shoulders. “Too many big words in one sentence. How many times have I told you, there’s a max of how many SAT words you can use on me in a day. You’ve reached your limit”

“I do it to bother you, and genius, those aren’t SAT words. You want some? Because I’ve got a tome filled with them,” he replied, snaking along the bookshelves in order to reach the secret emergency exit:: the window.

I stopped. “A what?”

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o.o.o

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.aidan.

“Dude, look at her!”

I roll my eyes and lean my head back against the wall. Its times like these that I wish my friends weren’t so goddamn horny upfront. At times it’s funny, but the majority of the time it’s just like dude shut the fuck up, she doesn’t want you.

“Jesus, look at that ass,” Derek, unfortunate (for me) friend for practically my whole life, hisses into his fist. I close my eyes, not interested at looking at that ass because knowing Derek; it’s probably some flat one you can’t even grasp and hold on to. I inhale; ignoring him and allowing the sweet scent of syrup penetrate me, craving for some of those mouth watering pancakes and Belgium waffles that Anita makes like a sweet religion I’d definitely praise to. My arms sprawl out to my sides, stretching so that one is above the shoulders of Rae and the other is just lying there limply, unoccupied.

“Derek?” I hear Rae’s voice chime sweetly, and I don’t even have to open my eyes to see the face that she’s making. The face that says you’re a moron, but in such a pretty way.

“Yeah—what?” he says quickly, distracted by the girl at the counter.

I grin.

Hear comes the sweet symphony.

“She’s a lesbian.”

I open my eyes quickly to catch the reaction on Derek’s face. He does a double take and his jaw has dropped and he’s starring dead at Rae, wondering how the hell she knew that.

“What the hell? No she’s not, Rae. You don’t have fucking lesbo-dar,” he lashes back, angrily.

She raises an eyebrow. “Retard, I’m a lesbian. I know when girls are straight and when they’re gay. And trust me, this one is total butch.”

“Fuck you. She’s not a lesbian.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Yeah, ten bucks and you buy me a stack of pancakes, ‘cause you’re wrong.”

Mike, my other best friend, shakes his head and continues playing some game on his PSP.

Rae shrugs her shoulders. “Deal, and when she walks by and doesn’t check you out, do not start bitching and moaning.”

“I don’t bitch and moan,” he whined.

“Yes you do,” Rae, Mike and I said in harmony and Derek suddenly shrunk in his seat.

We all watched on as the girl at the counter retrieved her food and turned around. She was okay, but not my forte, again considering the fact that she was a lesbian and would never take a second glance at me, but that didn’t stop me from a slight peek. Her face was all right, and she has killer hips but a flat ass. I hate those. Plus, she was one of the Coach and Fendi wearing girls. Not my type at all.

And Mellie does not count.

I was speaking relationship wise, that she wasn’t my type.

As she walked by our table, we all, except for Rae who was that confident in her observation, held our breath, awaiting the outcome of whether mystery woman was lesbian or not. Mystery girl walked and her eyes suddenly met Rae’s and she winked at her; instead of at Derek. Rae, being the flirt and sore winner that she is, winked back and turned her head slowly to Derek.

“You were saying?”

“Fuck you Rachelle,” he grumbled, smacking his fist against the table.

“Blah, la, la, blah. Give me my money bitch,” she said in a sing-song tone, her hand out in front of her, wiggling her fingers and her hips against the seat, driving me insane. Derek dug two crumpled fives out from his back pocket and threw them on the table in front of Rae. She sniffed the paper, her crazy beautiful eyes rolling to the back of her head. “Mm, the sweet smell of victory.”

Mike let out a laugh and shook his head, eyes still focused on his game, running his hand through his bed head black hair. He used to have a thing for Rae, then again, who hasn’t, when she was a freshman, so when he found out that she was into girls, you could just imagine how bummed he was. Actually, how bummed the male population of North Side High was when she finally figured out her sexual preference.

Including myself, for some time at least.

Honestly, I’m not going to lie, Rae is a knock out; one hell of a sexy vixen, positively speaking, in my opinion. Ever since she stepped foot onto North Side grounds three years ago as a freshman, she was a knock out. She was an early bloomer in all of her vital departments. And I mean, holy hell, all. Rae had those long and muscular legs from gymnastics and ballet that she used to take (which I find hilarious every time she mentions it), and curves that went on for miles on end, kind of body. The boobs, the ass, the hips, the face, the stomach, everything, she had it all. Now, it was all just the more defined and all the guys, even though she was lesbian, still kept on looking and praying they could catch a glimpse of flesh from her. Or at least she’d one day see the light and turn into a horny heterosexual.

But I didn’t have to lust over that, not one bit.

Because Rae was my best friend, and that means that I got quick glimpses of flesh, flesh and miles of flesh, every chance I got. And there were tons of them.

Not only was her body beautiful, so was her face.

Her eyes.

They were the weirdest, but most beautiful thing I’d ever seen ever. Hazel and blue, and she’d wear tons of eyeliner that made them stand out even more, pulling you into her grasp and just holding onto you. Her skin was the softest I’d ever touched on a girl, and I had a variety to choose from, but her skin was just like running your finger tips over silk; soft, smooth and in the exact resemblance of caramel.

Damn.

Major boner awakening in the midst.

“I don’t fucking get how she’s always right.”

I snapped out of my trance and looked up to see Derek, still bummed out, rubbing his face with his hands. Looking over to my right, I saw that Rae wasn’t there anymore, and then I looked over at Mike, quizzically.

“She went to the bathroom,” he said without my asking, or even looking up for that matter.

Nodding, I yawned and rubbed my eyes with the palm of my hand. Working two jobs and trying to get a scholarship to college and trying to get a band to go famous, is a bitch I’ll tell you. I rarely had time to sleep or time for myself sometimes, just doing things in consecutive order. I looked down at my cell phone.

Shit.

“Guys, I gotta head out,” I said, digging into my pockets for some sort of cash.

“Already?” Mike asked, still not looking up. I’m telling you, this guy had some sort of crazy gift.

I nodded and sighed. It’s a pain to be a grown-up first hand. “Gotta head over to the bookstore, I’m working two shifts tonight.”

“Dude, you need, like, a vacation,” Derek remarked, slurping down on his coke.

“Dude, like, I know,” I mimicked, standing up and grabbing my stuff, laughing. “Just tell Rae to take my food to go and I’ll see her later, okay?”

“Do I have to drive her home? I mean the woman’s got legs you know.” Derek remarked, hitting his fist against his chest so he could burp.

“If you don’t want me to slaughter you, then I suggest that you do,” I said, tossing crumpled bills in the center of the table. “Later.”

“Yeah, later,” he grumbled.

Mike shook his head. “Why do you always have to act like such a big baby?”

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Barnes & Nobles.

Now usually, I wouldn’t mind being here, but considering the fact that I work here and that on my off days I’d rather be sleeping, it’s become known as my least favorite place. When I do come around here, I usually just sit back and read a good book or something, but that’s on rare occasions when I’m not trying to sleep or at practice or doing homework. Mainly, all I do here is work the cash register, stack books, or take inventory, which isn’t my favorite thing in the whole world, but hey, I get a pretty good salary.

At the moment, I’m taking inventory in the back for the suspense books and all the new releases when Lisa, one of the quiet, mousy girls comes into the back and tells me that some girl is here to see me. Okay, now I’m not trying to say that I’m being cocky or that I have a huge ego because I don’t, but the girls coming to my jobs are nothing out of the ordinary. I know it isn’t Rae because Lisa would have said so, so I’m not quite sure who it is until I hear the slight click of heels on the linoleum floor.

I grin.

It must be my birthday.

Pretending to do work, or at least try to keep my libido on the minimum, I look down at the clipboard in my hand and pretend to read off the new titles that I’m supposed to book. Right now, that isn’t that important to do.

“Busy?”

Do me.

Slowly, I look up and see Melina standing next to a metal shelf filled with a bunch of sealed brown boxes, head cocked to the side so that her longish hair is brushing against her girls.

Oh Lord, forgive me for my sinful thoughts.

I keep a straight face, teasing makes it all the more better. “A little…why?”

She shrugs and comes closer. “I just thought I could keep you company.”

My mind is chiming with a symphony of hallelujahs. I don’t say anything, all I do is put the clipboard down on a shelf and cross my arms over my chest, just waiting for her next move. She’s wearing something different from what she wore at school today; a shorter skirt, a tighter sweater, taller boots, and I’m just thinking to myself, am I lucky or what.

Before I can register my thoughts correctly, her chest is crushing against mine and she’s running an index finger along the lining of my jaw, driving me over the edge, wanting her to do so much more.

Her lips brush against my ear as she whispers, “And maybe we could finish what we started in the library,” then I feel her wet, warm tongue brush along the lobe. And then I feel a quick twitch from below the buckle, signaling rising.

Amen…

“You like that?”

In response, a sort of groan is released from the back of my throat, signaling me to go for the taking. I grab Mellie’s hips and grind them against mine, hearing her little gasp in my ear as she feels me, crushing against her. At that exact moment, I’m dying to be inside of her, to hear her gasps and moans and call my name, but that’s until:

“I don’t get why you hang out with that freak of nature,” she whispers, leaving long and lingering kisses along my neck and she takes a nibble, well a tug of the flesh, causing me to flinch. I couldn’t stand when she did that.

“Can we not do this now?” I ask, pulling her mouth away from my neck, knowing from past experience that it could cause some serious damage and severe marks.

Finally, she agrees to do what she came here to do, and is done.

I’m zipping up my jeans and tightening my belt, as Mellie is straightening her skirt and pulling her sweater down over her stomach when my cell phone starts buzzing against my hip.

“I guess it’s someone important then,” she mumbles under her breath as I answer it and put the phone against my ear.

“Yeah?”

“Still working?” It’s Rae. Speak of the she-devil.

“Yup,” I say, positioning the phone between my shoulder and ear, fixing my T-shirt and Mellie is trailing her fingers up my chest. I give her a warning look and she backs off.

“Well I’m bored. You want me to meet you later, outside?”

“Sure, I’m off in like an hour. Just tell Lisa you’re coming in the back, I’m doing inventory.”

“Oh I think I’m slightly jealous,” she says, laughing over the phone, and I hear music blasting from her stereo in the background.

“Shut up.”

I hang up the phone and Mellie is glaring at me. I look back at her, and raise an eyebrow. She rolls her eyes and grabs her tiny purse thing, pulling it on her shoulder.

“Who was that?” she asked, her voice sharp and tight.

“Does it matter?” I ask, grabbing hold of the clipboard and pen. I’m biting down against the cool metal of my lip ring. She’s still staring at me, and now it’s getting annoying because now I know she’s going to start nagging in my ear, for God knows how fucking long. “What?” I snap.

She sighs and shakes her head. “Nothing,” she leans in and kisses me on the lips, and running her fingers through the hair that peaks out from the bottom of my beanie.

“See you around,” I say casually.

She backs away from me and walks out.

Now I know I might’ve been harsh, but she always acts like we’re a damn couple when we’re nothing even close to it. Yeah, maybe we’re kinda friends—more like acquaintances—who screw each other…a lot, but other than that, I know nothing more about her and likewise her for me.

Time seemed to go by so fast, because before I knew it, I heard some rumbling coming from ahead. I smiled, shaking my head.

“Knock, kn—ouch!”

Looking up, I saw Rae threading through the aisles and aisles of shelves. “’Sup buddy,” I say, putting away the papers and grabbing my coat and book back.

“They really need to fix those boxes. I almost broke my fucking neck back there,” she said, popping a Jolly Rancher in her mouth. Today alone, that must’ve been the hundredth one.

I laughed and hold out my hand, knowing that she already has the green apple flavored Jolly Rancher waiting for me. “Well complain to Dave, because that’s not my job. Let me just clock out, okay?”

“Mm-hmm,” she says, distractedly, her eyes gazing over the titles along the shelves.

“So what’re we doing tonight, Sloane?” she asked, grabbing hold of my gloved hand and began swinging it once we were outside, lacing her small and thin fingers through mine.

“No idea, Ferris,” I shrugged and spun her around, her worn out Chucks sloshing against the fresh snow. Obviously, my name wasn’t Sloane, and her name wasn’t Ferris, but ever since we first knew that we both like that movie, it’s been some sort of ritual where we just called each other Ferris and Sloane out of the blue.

I pulled out my cigarettes from my coat pocket and lit it up, letting the smoke collide with the brisk January air.

“You’re gonna die from that one day, you know,” she remarked, grinning at me, pulling a black and red beanie around her head.

I pulled her in closer to me so that she was practically glued to my side, heat radiating from our bodies. “Thank you Captain Obvious and that’s my beanie, fucker.”

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