About Noon

Chapter 1

Letter to myself

The reason I write this isn’t so much to entertain anyone, but in fact to save myself from going crazy. I fear I’m going more insane by the day, and I can only hope writing this letter to myself and reading it every night will only remind me of who I am. Why? Well, if you had to live with “them” you would be going nuts too.

Who are “they”? And why do “they” drive me crazy? I know “them” too well.

The first instigator would have to be my youngest half sister, Bethany. She’s at that ripe age of 14, and is very sweet. She’s kind, cute, and a talented artist. She likes to wear a hat most of the time, and her brown hair pulled through the back and tied into a ponytail. I could be said of being slightly over protective of her, because I have on more than one occasion shot some of the boys she tries to go out with.

Then there’s Besani. She’s a manipulative, maniacal, horrid little monster, who can only do evil. She’s held people hostage, robbed banks, and even has on more than one occasion eaten the last cookie from the cookie jar, a fact she proudly yells out after. The worst thing about her is that she won’t leave poor Bethany’s body. They switch randomly, so it’s hard to tell which one your talking to...until that is, she tries to chew your arm off. Literally.

It must suck having Multiple personalities.

Then there’s my step father. He’s just a goof ball, but he’s actually kinda fun. He tries his best to deal with raising 3 children ever since my mother died. His full name is Richard Seymour Dakkmen, but we just call him RSD. He needed a nickname, and it didn’t feel right calling the man who single handedly raised us for the past 10 years “Dick”. He loves wearing a base ball cap like Bethany, and has big thick glasses and a goatee. He does however, tend to act more like a child than any of us. We have to keep him on a leash in the mall so he doesn’t get lost. It’s really embarrassing to have Security ask over the speaker system for the children of a lost crying father come pick him up from Customer Service. He always tries to convince us that “we want to buy a puppy” just so he can get one. Bah, not even having Donut in the house is enough for him.

Oh, yeah, Donut. He’s a gerbil... well, not really. We don’t know what he really is. He’s small, green with large black beady eyes, and a long green tail. We found him flat faced in a small crater in the back yard. He seems to like living with us, and no one really questions what he is. If they do, we just say he’s a gerbil and the wonderment is over. If we could think of anything better to call him, we would.

Finally, there is the terror of my existence. My sister, Kate. Her full name is Katrine Ellisse Monica Patricia Saint Esquire Thumbelina Sith Dakkmen. Don’t ask me, she named herself. She’s 3 years older than me, but I might as well be the older sibling. She is undoubting the most immature person on the planet, if not the universe. She whines, she’s spoiled, she’s...she’s just Kate. She has many imaginary friends, two of which she actually considers real. Ian and Ivan, the Crazy Blonde Chinese Midget Twins. Oh, and one of them is the grim reaper. She has an unnatural obsession with “bishi-boys” as I call them. She just loves men who look like women. She writes fan fictions about them, draws pictures of them, and even has arguments with them at the dinner table. If she gets in trouble, she just flicks her long blonde locks and uses her “sex appeal” to escape punishment. It’s actually really creepy. She also has a huge crush on my best friend, Kiwi, so it gets a little awkward when he comes over. We can’t even watch Television without her jumping in front of it and opening her shirt. Thankfully we’ve convinced her to start wearing underwear, so now when she does it, she has to fuss with a bra, and we can run out of the room before she can get it off. She isn’t a fan of hooks.

Though, I don’t think Kiwi’s ever minded too much about the shirt malfunctions. He’s always frowning, so it’s hard to tell his mood.

This is my family none the less. Two step sisters, a step father, and a gerbil. See, RSD adopted Kate around the same time my parents got a divorce. RSD met my mother, he adopted me and she adopted Kate, and ended up having a child together. Kate also adopted the two of us as siblings, and we’ve adopted her. RSD wants us to adopt him as a sibling, but it isn’t going to happen. That would make it much harder to explain than it already is.

They’re my family. They drive me insane.

Hello. Name is John Dakkmen. I’m just a 17 year old living in the city of Kimble out in the cultural desolation once called New Hampshire.

And I couldn’t be happier.