Well, the last chapter was a little dark, so here's a brighter one. This one takes place about 19 years after That Summer.

Why West No Longer Baby Sits

You know, there are times in a man’s life where he is glad he doesn’t have kids. I have those a lot because I meet a lot of beautiful women and don’t think I could ever just settle for one. Kids made you settle. See the logic? My sister sure didn’t. She went and had five brats. Maybe they weren’t all that bad. Who cared? I didn’t have to see them every day. I was just here for the weekend because she and Cooper wanted a weekend away for their anniversary. I owed ‘em one. So here I was, on the couch while the kids did whatever the hell it was kids did. As long as they left me alone I was fine with it. Since Layne had taught them how to use the fire extinguisher, I had no worries.

There was a crash in the other room and I sighed. Time to play baby sitter.

“What was that?” I called

“Nothing!” Sam yelled back

Well, that was that then. Must have imagined it…wow, looked like there was a new mall opening up down town…who watched this shit? They needed more than three channels…

“Uncle West?”

I didn’t look up from the program on TV and the query was repeated.

“That’s my name,” I sighed

“We have to do this school project thingy…”

“I like thingies,” I answered, turning my attention from the TV to Layne’s youngest boy, Cheyenne, and patting the couch beside me in invitation “What kind of thingy?”

Well, it beat boring TV if I could tell the kid bullshit and get worshiped for it.

“Well, we have to bring in a story and tell it to the class and it has to teach us something.”

“Like a moral?”

“Sure, why not?” the little boy shrugged blonde bangs falling into his eyes

“Well, you came to the right place – I have lots of stories.”

“This one has to be true, Uncle West.”

Damn.

“Who do you want to hear one about?”

“Mommy!” the nine year old yelped and I smiled

“I have just the one.”

/-/-/-/-/-/

I decided to stick around after Layne and Coop got back. They enjoyed their weekend, but had a few choice words about the knocked over stuff and the condition of the kitchen. I just shrugged. They got what they paid for. So Monday found me working around the farm for lack of anything to do and because Layne was around and said I couldn’t sit on the couch all day. That sucked, but at least the kids came home and distracted her about three thirty. I turned on the TV and found that she was too busy to chide me about it. Maybe kids were good for something after all.

We all sat down to supper after Coop got home and done feeding the dumb animals about six o’clock. They shouldn’t have them if they took so much work, but apparently they liked the animals as much as they liked the kids. With the four that were still at home gathered around the table with their parents and myself, you can bet there was no room for company. We dug into the meal when Layne and Coop shared a glance. Now, I was used to this. The supper table was the daily discussion area. I normally zoned out, but I had the feeling that something awesome was going to happen and I needed to be alert enough to laugh at it.

“How’d your project go, Sunshine?” Coop asked and the boy smiled

Now, the nickname was girly, but it fit the kid. He was like the sun. He brightened and dimmed when he felt something. Right now he was shining.

“Great. Mrs. Hopper was speechless!”

“Now you gotta tell us, short stuff,” Jame chimed in from across the table where he was cutting up his little sister’s dinner

Jame was the second oldest. He had dark hair, like Sam, that didn’t fit in with the rest of the blondes and a redhead for a mom, but I had brown hair, so I thought that was just fine.

Ryan – the only girl and the kid I named – started stealing potatoes off my plate while she waited for her brother to finish cutting up hers. That settled it; I was never having kids.

“Well, we had to tell a story. So I told one about you, Mom.”

“Me?” Layne looked puzzled “I don’t have any good stories.”

“You do! Remember when you went to the bar with Uncle Race – ”

“Ranse,” I corrected

“Yeah, him. You two went to the bar before Uncle West’s match. You were sixteen.”

Layne paled and I grinned slightly. Yeah, definitely a story to pay attention to.

“And Uncle Ranse thought it would be a good idea to play cards with three big thugs with hairy arms.”

“I don’t think –”

“Let the kid tell the story,” I cut her off and nodded him along

“Well, Uncle Ranse doesn’t play cards – he counts them, like a shark. Mommy did, too, but she was playing honest while he wasn’t because she was drinking a lot.”

Coop glanced at his wife and she groaned again. Well, she should have known better than to have kids.

“The guy figured it out and got real mad. He tried to pick a fight with Uncle Ranse and Mommy stepped between them.”

“Really?” Sam asked, glancing from his mother to me and I nodded

“So you stopped them from fighting?” Coop asked and Layne carefully chewed her chicken

“No! Mommy wiped the floor with that guy’s ass while Uncle Ranse counted the money and ordered another round.”

They all gaped at the kid as he popped a fork full of broccoli – yuck – into his mouth and chewed it with a smile. He beamed at me and I pointed my knife at him.

“What was the moral of the story?” I prompted

“Don’t fuck with Uncle Ranse when he’s counting cards or Mommy’ll wipe the floor with you.”

I said don’t fuck with Ranse. Period. or else Layne would mop the floor with you, but close enough.

“And?” I asked

“And don’t fuck with Mommy when she’s drinking, either. If she don’t wipe the floor with you, Uncle Rock will!”

“No if,” I corrected to myself

Rock would re-wipe the floor with anyone who dared to fuck with Layne.

“Right. The teacher said that was ‘very nice’ and that she was speechless before Suzie Thomas told us about the Tortoise and the Hare.”

The whole family gaped at him, well Ryan hummed to her peas, but the rest of them would need jaw adjustments after this. Layne glared at me and I smiled innocently.

“Looks like Mrs. Hopper will have a lot to say when we go in for Parent/Teacher conference,” Coop muttered, chewing his potatoes thoughtfully

“Ass,” Ryan said before sticking another bite in her mouth

“West…” Layne’s tone was strained with anger over her five-year-old’s new word

“Well, it’s been lovely and I’d be happy to come back for your next anniversary in fifty or so years. Look at the time, I have to be going.”

I picked up my plate and stuffed a roll in my mouth before waving at the kids and darting out the door.

I hadn’t seen Layne that riled up in years! Maybe kids weren’t that bad after all.

And that was the story of how I came to have a green ivy patterned plate in my collection of brown patterned ones.

- The End

Any comments are welcome

See ya in the funny papers!!!

Sonah