Madness Born of Good Intentions

I want to get out of here,
Don’t wanna be here.
Can’t be anywhere but here.
And I need, desperately need,
But I don’t know what I need.
Hope, selfish hope, high hope.
Hope I wish I didn’t have,
It’s gone and not coming back.
I want to cry, to scream, to rage.
I want to sleep without dreams,
Without waking, without myself.
The worst is never over,
And the good never starts.
The day of reckoning is upon me,
I feel it in my bones like rain,
Little droplets of burning flame,
A tisket, a tasket, going mad.
The sun is out, but so is thunder,
And it’s bright, but dark, and no sense
Is to be found or had, and look
There’s lightening, but why is the sun
Now gone?
Abraham beget Isaac, but God
Told Abraham to kill Isaac, and he did
Killed his son, flesh and blood,
Because the invisible man said so.
Rocket-man, burning in the sun,
But the sun’s not there, so why
Is Rocket-man burning?
Calm beget content, and content
Beget pity, and pity beget compassion,
(But there’s no compassion to be found),
And compassion beget tolerance,
And tolerance beget shame,–
Why is there always bad mixed in?
It’s a sick family tree, growing
Like a weed, who needs emotion
Or proper sentences or punctuation,
Even if it’s the only thing keeping
Me whole, but I’d rather be broken,
Because supposedly, there’s no time
Like the present, but I don’t
Like this present – there’s no bows
Or ribbons, and no tag with my name.
And I’ve forgotten my name, sweet name,
Because shame beget violence,
And violence beget guilt,
And guilt beget good intentions,
But good intentions beget madness,
And now the cycle begins again,
Like a top that never stops spinning.