AUTHOR’S NOTE: Here’s the not really anticipated Chapter four. It’ll be broken into two sections. A history of Satsue and a history of Tsuin. It’ll hopefully give some insight onto their lives and their personalities. Read and Review! Please and thank you.

Chapter Four: The Past

“Well, I was born in The Netherlands,” began Satsue. “My father was in the military so we traveled quite a bit. Around fourth grade we made our final move here. By fifth grade, my parents separated. My dad moved to Okinawa. I stayed with my mother. She’s not home a lot because of her job. So, I’ve had to grow up and take more responsibility.” Tsuin had moved closer to her and Satsue could feel his heat radiating off of his body. It felt nice.

“Let’s see, my siblings. I have 2 ½ of them.” She noted his weird look and laughed. “Yeah, I know, 2.5 siblings. Is that even possible? No, I do not have the bloodied upper body of a brother locked away in my closet. He’s my half brother, age unknown. I think he’s in his early 20s or mid 20s or so. He goes to school in America. Okay, there’s my other brother; his name is Kazuki. He attends college in Kyoto, a computer science major. Go figure. Lastly, there is my sister, the world-class skank. She’s 19, unmarried, and has a baby boy. Her life’s a mess. We don’t get along too well.”

“That sucks. What about your mom and dad?” He asked her, resting his chin on her shoulder. Satsue tensed, but then relaxed and continued.

“Gah, well, uh, what? You want to hear more about my parents? Okay.” She racked her brain for a few moments for any information she could recall or wanted to recall. “Well, they got married in ’84. My mother was 19 and pregnant my dad was about 24 or so. Anyway, my mother claims it was the biggest mistake of her life. She never wanted kids and she ended up with three. My father had been married before my mother and had a son, my half brother. There’s not much to tell about them. Oh yes, you’ve probably wondered why I don’t look exactly Japanese-y. Well, my dad’s African-American but my mother is fully Japanese. I took her name since I take more after her. I look more like her too so I can pass for full Japanese in most instances. So, I’m a tragic mulatto. Go figure.”

“You don’t seem tragic to me. I like how you look.” The two blushed and Tsuin moved to sit up, but still maintaining their closeness. “Go on,” he urged, nudging her with his elbow.

“My childhood wasn’t exactly a happy one. I can’t think of a time I was truly happy. My dad’s abusive. I didn’t get beat nearly as often as my sister, but I wasn’t a whore, was I? Most of my memories involve fights and beatings. My father was especially violent towards my mother. I’m not sure why, but she’s always take him back.” She sighed heavily and glanced at Tsuin who had a heartrending look on his face. “My sister is in the same situation. Her boyfriend, who consequently isn’t the father of her child, beats her. She won’t leave him. She ‘loves’ him. They ‘love’ each other. I feel bad for her baby; he’ll turn out messed up just like my siblings and me. I don’t want to have a relationship like that. I’m scared.” He embraced her tightly and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“That’s so sad…” Tsuin whispered.

“My life is the kind that builds character. Don’t be sad for me. I’d be different if it happened any other way. Anyhow, my life was an upper middle class life, even if it was terrible behind closed doors. That’s life for you.” She said, leaning slowly back against his chest.

“I can’t help but feel sad…” he told her. “Please go on if you’d like. I want to hear about you.”

Me? You actually want to hear specifically about me? Okay. I’d be the first to admit two things about myself. One is that I’m fat and ugly. Two is that I have low self-esteem. Both are entirely correct. Don’t say anything.” Satsue warned, for Tsuin had just acquired a very surprised look on his face. He couldn’t believe his ears. He began to open his mouth, but was silenced.

“Your flattery will fall on deaf ears. You see this scar on my leg? I got burned when I was 8 months because of the carelessness of my sister. This covers half my calf and then I have Florida on my thigh. It’s disgusting. I hate it. People always stare at me funny. And I just want to scream.” Tsuin had released her body by now and she sat with her head in her hands, her words coming out muffled. “My insecurities stem from this and the fact I got rather hefty in fifth grade. I missed about 42 days of school due to depression and stress-induced illnesses. They were mostly in my mind. I sat at home and ate a lot as if that would help my parents get back together. I should be smaller than I am.” The brown-haired girl thrust her wrists in Tsuin’s face. “Do you see my wrists; they’re dainty. My neck is small too. I have small bones. I’m not supposed to be a size 8; I hate how I look. It’s a major fault of mine.”

“Satsue-chan, you should not feel so bad about yourself. You have a perfect body.” She ignored his pleas and went on with her sordid tale.

“I don’t trust easily. I don’t think I’d believe someone if they told me they love me. In my mind, there’s nothing to love. I’m not extraordinary. I’m just Izumi Satsue.” Once gain, Tsuin wanted to say something, but figured it could wait for another time, another place. He really shouldn’t keep interrupting her like he was.

“I’m not sure why, but I lack faith in a lot of things. I don’t know what I believe in specifically, my values are all over the place. I have morals. I don’t think I should have to belong to a certain religion to have morals. I develop my own from my daily life. I believe in many things: spirits, Nessie, Big Foot/Sasquatch/The Abominable Snowman, aliens and reincarnation to just name a few. I choose to leave my mind wide open to entertain all sorts of ideas. I prefer erudition to ignorance. Some of what I just said does not make a lot of sense…”

“Even though I don’t trust easily, I’m very gullible. I know people will only disappoint me, but I try to trust and listen to them. It ends badly. I have high expectations for my life and I just keep getting dissatisfied with the results.”

Tsuin was ready to shout right now. He wanted to always be there for Satsue. God, he had so much in his head he wanted to tell her.

“What about hobbies and such?”

“About my interests, you say? I love to read. I try to read a book at least every day. I’m a fast reader, my mother taught me how to read at a young age. I’m a wannabe amateur astronomer too. What’s that you ask? It pretty much means, I lack a telescope but I stargaze as much as I can. I have a knack for foreign languages and for history. Math and science are really my forte. I consider myself a good writer. I always do well in English when I put forth the effort. Sometimes, I deem essays stupid and unimportant and simply “forget” to complete them. First-class procrastinator.”

“I attend St. Mitsuki’s Academy because my father pays for my tuition there in lieu of child support. I’m not there on a scholarship. I like to draw. Well, sort of. I’m really good at making random designs and such. My mother has actually framed a few. She’s always appreciative of everything I do. And I’m happy for that, even if she doesn’t push me to try harder. I’m a dreamer too. I think of fantastical tales of far off places or settings nearby. My head is always in the clouds. I think I am running out of topics. There isn’t much to me. I told you.” She finished her story with a wistful glint in her eyes. How long had she talked? It seemed like years. She hated having to relive all of her past. She thought she had forgotten most of it. Satsue looked at her own watch and laughed.

“Ah, it’s been an hour? I’ve talked for an hour. It’s your turn. Come on sing to me, Tsuin. Tell me all about you, the real you.”

……

“I was born in Japan. I’ve never left this country. My parents are divorced and both are remarried. However, my mom is in the process of a divorce from my stepfather. He stole a lot of money from her. It’s getting rather ugly. I have four siblings, two older brothers and a younger sister. My oldest brother, Makoto, attends a technical school and still lives at home. He’s 20. He wanted to go away for college.”

“My mother initially divorced my dad because he wouldn’t let her have a career. He wanted her to be a homemaker; however, that’s not the type of woman my mother is. After they split, my dad turned to God. That’s with a capital ‘G’. He joined a Christian online dating site.” Satsue knitted her brows in axiomatic bewilderment. Tsuin laughed at her face and answered her unsaid question. “I know, I thought that was un-Christian like too. I mean, if you have so much faith shouldn’t you rely on God to guide you to the right person. Who knows really? Well, he met my step mom; her name is Kotori. She’s a zealous born again Christian. She came into our lives and tried to treat us like children. We had chore assignments and rewards for completing them. I could understand her trying to parent Lissa, who was probably 8 or 9 at the time. But I was 11 or 12 and Makoto and Nanashi were in their teens. I think that is why none of us can really stand to be around her. Kotori can be really controlling. She’s pleasant enough for a short while, but after that she can get mean. She wears the pants.”

“She sounds…interesting,” murmured Satsue sensitively. She turned on the bench so that she was facing Tsuin and held one of his hands in both of hers. He smiled at her.

“The thing about Kotori is that she doesn’t have kids of her own, so she tries to be our parent and intercedes in issues she shouldn’t be. I said earlier that she’s a born again Christian. So, I think she feels she has to be more faithful and more full of passion than others. She makes us go to church and gives us bible card games to play. We also receive mini-sermons from her. Even my mother doesn’t like her.”

“Growing up in a Christian household, you’d think I would be devoted to God. But, I don’t know what I am either. I’m not sure I really believe in anything. All this religion stuff causes problems. Even with that, I still have faith in people and can trust others rather easily. I try to see the good in everyone. Sometimes though, I just want to get away from society. I want to escape to a Buddhist temple and lie in the grass to watch the clouds in the sky.” As an afterthought he added, “I love clouds. They’re pretty awesome.” She giggled and squeezed his hand, happy smiles growing on their faces.

“But, I digress. I’m very realistic I would like to think. I don’t believe in all that stuff you do. I’m not good with words or ideas. I trust the facts. I’m an analytical person, not idealistic. My dad probably influenced me in that way. He’s quite the perfectionist and I get that from him. He’s conservative as well. And so am I. I am not one bursting with words; I find it hard to express myself. I’m a loner. I like to keep my feelings to myself. I’ll tell them sometimes though. But, people find me hard to deal with because I’ll keep them at arm’s length when I’m upset. I don’t want to trouble others.”

As this Satsue frowned. She didn’t want him to be distant with her. But, he was opening up now.

“I try my hardest to be generous and kind. I’d do anything to make someone happy. I want to be a good person. I have things in my past I regret and I hope to someday deserve happiness and live guilt-free. I’m nice to practically everyone, trying to believe everyone is good. I get used. I don’t like humans for the most part, we’re horrible creatures. Lissa, for example, is very selfish. She’s the youngest, so I guess she is the most spoiled of us. My parents would do anything for her and she knows that. I hate it.”

“I don’t like people like that either. They have everyone in their life bowing to them and wrapped around their finger. It’s dumb.” A sudden thought came to Satsue’s mind and she looked away from him. “What about S-Sayuri?”

“Sayuri? God, that seems like such a long time ago. We dated our last year of middle school. I thought I was in love with her. She was so pretty and popular and always nice to me. But, I realized too late what a bad person she was. She dumped me when she thought that I truly cared for her. Nowadays I think it was just a mindless infatuation. I never really liked her. I certainly did not love her. Sayuri is like a sister to me, but she’s a bitch. There’s no denying that. I hate to say that about her, but it’s true. She uses so many people and they’re blind to it. Anyhow, now she wants me back. But, it is only because I have no interest in her whatsoever. Even with everything she has she wants to take what little joy others may have. She hates to see other people happy when she, herself, is not. I feel nothing but pity for her on that part.” His eyes were devoid of that kindness that was always present. In its place there was anger. His voice had turned low and irate. Satsue stared up at him with wide eyes before taking him into her arms.

“Thanks, Satsue.” He said softly, smiling into her hair. “What else is there to talk about?”

“Your interests!” she almost shouted, reveling in his touch.

“Hobbies of mine? There aren’t many.” He paused and reached into the recesses of his mind. “I’m a video game addict. I’ve always played video games. It’s a family thing actually. My family is really close. We always go to my grandparents’ for the holidays.”

“That seems nice.”

“It is. Uh, let’s see, I like science and doing experiments. I find them really fun. For college, I don’t know what I want to study. I have a few ideas though: materials chemistry, aerospace engineering, or biology. Gah, there’s nothing more to me to say. Well, there probably is, but I can’t think of them now.”

……

Those two poor souls had no idea of what was to come. The elation, the wretchedness, the passion and the jealousy that would come to rule over their lives went unnoticed by them. They’re too naïve to understand what love can really be. It can be a dark emotion, full of anger, envy and greed. Or it can be the greatest feeling on earth, a love free of anxiety and fear. No one knows for sure. No one can predict a thing.

So, by witness of those twinkling stars the pair kissed affectionately. Their feelings went unspoken, for they wanted to savour these moments alone and lost in another world.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Well, what do you think. I drew heavily on my own experiences for this chapter. As well as those experiences of my own boyfriend. Surprise, surprise. Review please.