022707

I am so careful to whom I say
"I love you"
to.
Too careful, maybe.

Saturday, was an off day for him, supposedly.
(I made it better)

And as we laid there, curled up in bed under the covers,
I was looking at him, studying him,
touching his face
(he had his eyes closed in contentment)
and I could not say it.

I thought I felt it, but I couldn't say it.

I've refused to believe in love
after what happened
(after what continues to happen)
I can't, I deny it, I do not acknowledge it's existence:

I am too hurt by it now to let go.
How do you let go after pouring out your heart so many times?
(That is a question for someone else now...)

What if they don't return it?
"I love you as a friend."
(I hate those words).

I think I am in love.
If only I can decide that I know I am.