FWTSAM Fourth Chapter

Fifty Ways To Skin A Mongoose

Chapter Four: Ivy “Raptor” Stael

(We’d only been on the road a few days before I met my second Mary Sue. We’d made camp for the night in a dark, unfriendly forest, and Joe was nagging me about reading the book…)

“Son of a goat, Joe!” I said, ignoring his disapproving gaze at my language. I figured he wouldn’t turn me in, because if our places were changed, and if he had a tongue, he’d say the same thing. “I know I should be reading that thing, but the print is so tiny, and it’s full of big words.”

I ruffled through the pages for an example. “Ha,” I exclaimed in triumph. “Four words in: ‘documented’.” Joe rolled his eyes at me.

”Besides,” I said. “We’re not even near a village. What are the chances one of ‘em’s gonna pop up now?”

Suddenly, the bushes rustled and a girl stumbled out. She was about 17, dark shimmering black hair, sparkling blue eyes weary. Upon noticing us, she whipped out an overly detailed dagger. Joe warily reached for his shotgun.

”For Bob’s sake, Joe. She’s just a kid.” I directed my attention at her. “Are you okay, miss?” She glared at me and waved the blade at my face, as if she thought I hadn’t seen it yet.

(Upon reflecting the incident, I should have known. The look in her eyes when she first saw us wasn’t fear, or anger, but a yearning sort of hunger. Then again, there was also her hair, eyes, clichéd weapon, and ridiculous name, but I hadn’t even opened the book yet. The print was too small.)

“You obviously don’t know who I am,” she said. “My name is Ivy Stael, the greatest bounty hunter in the north.”

I looked at Joe. Joe looked at me. We shrugged. “Can’t say I’ve ever heard of you.” She looked taken aback at first, but she recovered quickly.

“Well, maybe you’ve heard of my alias, Raptor. Few people have never heard of Raptor, fearsome and merciless hunter of criminals.” Her voice was taking on a desperate, almost manic tone. Getting nervous now, I looked at Joe once again. ‘Humor her.’ He mouthed, since even one without a tongue can mouth things.

I clapped a hand to my forehead. “Oh, how ignorant I am. Of course. I beg your pardon,” This seemed to calm her, and I relaxed.

“As you should. I can hit any mark within three hundred feet with this, you know. But I have decided to be merciful, and I’ll let you keep your lives.” I waited for her to leave, but instead she tucked her knife back wherever she’d gotten it, and joined us around the fire. I risked another glance at Joe, but he just shrugged.

(He knew, even then. It was his evil way of punishing me for not reading the damn book. Son of a goat.)

“Anyway.” Ivy reached for some of our food. “What are your names, where are you from?”

“Well, I’m Butch, he’s Joe, and we’re from-“

”That’s interesting. I hail from Hudgfron, but as I’m sure you know, it was burned down in the raid of ’36.” Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears as she recalled her horrible past. “They were after my family. I was the only one left alive, spared only because my mother hid me away under the floorboards. I crawled out seconds after the bandits left, choking on smoke, running past my parent’s mutilated bodies and running to the nearby woods, only to watch the rest of my village burn. I had to learn to fend for myself, and I became a bounty hunter. And I VOW to DESTROY those who destroyed my LIFE.” She was breathing hard, one hand clenched like it was clutching a bandit’s evil heart. I found myself pitying the poor girl. I patted her sympathetically.

Right then, I knew I shouldn’t have. Her sapphire eyes snapped up to mine, shimmering with pseudo-devotion. The look made me want to flinch backwards, but I stayed where I was. She was only a kid, after all.

“You know…” she said softly, her soft voice practically caressing my brain. “I was in love once. It was five years ago. His name was Rogue, and…and…”

She sniffled a bit, then blurted out, “He was an ex-murderer. I found out too late, and I begged him to leave me alone… My best friend, Jessa, begged me to get away from him, but I didn’t listen…” she sobbed. “Later that week, I heard screaming in my room. I ran upstairs, and he was standing over her with a Trachkelian knife, the rarest knife of all that causes the victim to die in excruciating pain like no other. He tried to stab me too, but I ran away in time. Now, I’ve VOWED to DESTROY HIM for killing my friend.”

I sat, stunned. This girl had a tough life.

Suddenly, Joe cleared his throat and I realized Raptor was a little too close, practically in my lap. I shifted uncomfortably. “So, uh… tough luck.”

“I know,” she said huskily. “Comfort me, Butch.” And then she iwas/i in my lap, snuggling me and pawing me. I attempted to jump back, but she latched on to me tighter than a bottom feeder.

Raptor hissed. “Don’t you want to comfort me?”

“Uh… not especially,” I said, fearing for my life. Her eyes flashed green and she let out an inhuman snarl. This was starting to seem familiar. One of her hands swung up to slap my face, so I grabbed her wrist, barely keeping it away from my face. That’s when I noticed the hole opening up in the center of her hand, a tiny mouth, ringed with teeth. Of course, I thought, confirming my suspicions of twenty seconds ago. Another Sue. In my hurry to get away, I made the worst mistake I could have made. I let go of her.