I remember a time not long ago
That I used to be attractive and even sought after
When the opposite sex still noticed my existence
Now those days have come and gone

But maybe this is for the best
In a bizarre yet funny way
This could become beneficial as time goes on
A masochistic epiphany...

I was meant for more than procreation
Perhaps, there is something more to life
I just wish these urges would go away
Let me get to what I'm meant to do...

And sometimes I swear to God
I wish I were a unic
Trimmed and tucked,
And so secure...

No objections left this time
No, I wish I were a unic
Trimmed and tucked,
And so secure...

Imagine all the things that could be done
If the male species wasn't so besieged
With an urge to spread it's seed
But how can we be blamed?

The first thing we notice every morning
Is a little drift wood to wake up to
It keeps us buoyant all day long...
The only reason mankind's going strong

But sometimes it's not enough
And what we as men hate to say,
I finally know is true:
"There's more life to than sex..."

Sometimes I swear to God
I wish I were a unic
Trimmed and tucked,
And so secure...

No objections left this time
No, I wish I were a unic
Trimmed and tucked,
And so secure...

Release me from this torment,
Because it's never ending...
I wish I were a unic,
Cause it's the only option left
Release me from this torment,
Because it's never ending...
As I look for other outlets
So that I won't succumb to violence...

My God, I wish I were a unic
Oh, I wish I were a unic...
But unfortunately for woman,
Men don't always get we want...