A/N – This is being written just because I can… And I need something to slowly get me back into the art of writing, I’ve been away far too long.

Digital Thoughts of Madness

So, how do I start this? How about a little “introduction” for use of a better word? This is my mind on paper, or digital paper if you want to be specific. Since I last actually added something to FictionPress I’m sure I’ve had a name change and a lot more mediocre things happen in my life. You don’t want to hear about them, but you will anyway.

Introduction, or more one based on me than what I just wrote. I used to be known as LupusBane on here, now I should be FaithfulJewel – my friends just call me by my first name, I don’t have a nickname. You can call me whatever you want, as long as you don’t mind me getting a bit annoyed if it’s insulting.

Okay, it’ll be more than a bit.

You might get a bit of violence if you’re lucky.

I have nothing to do, so like I’ve said somewhere up there, this is just a mass of thoughts written down. I will probably stick it on the net just so it looks like I’m alive and not slumped over my keyboard clicking the mouse occasionally.

For the last few months since I “left my writing behind” I’ve stepped up a level in my emotions. Not the good ones, you must understand, but the ones attributed to my impatience such as annoyance and stress and… is stress an emotion? Ah well, again I’m talking nonsense. So I need something, anything, to make into a life ring and save me from myself just because I have completely and utterly lost it. Sometimes I think I really should be in a mental institute, it might do me good.

I’ve been through good and bad things, mostly bad – but I’d rather not dwell on them, make a joke out of it all if I must. I have completely surrendered any link to a good social life by taking up another MMORPG (that means a computer game for those who don’t have any clue) and messing about on that for most of my time.

Shite, I just remembered I have an exam Wednesday. Not a good time to remember that, I can assure you. Physics revision anyone?

Losing contact with a few of my friends, getting back contact with some others. College applications are sent off, I’m waiting for a reply from the one I want to go to… same as my brother, if you want to know. Exams start in about two, three months – the real ones, not the mocks or the modules, the real end of compulsory school exams. What joy, eh? I waffle in the exams and I get high marks for it, sometimes I honestly wonder how that works. It just shouldn’t. I should get a slap and be told to talk sense… then locked in a cupboard with a revision guide.

To be honest, all these things I’m annoyed at or worrying about at the moment seem trivial compared to some of my friend’s problems. The thing that I like about myself is I can, if I want to, just drop anything I’m thinking about to focus on someone else and their predicament. I love that word. Of course, some people I just feel are idiotic and purposely rack my opinion up a bit more to drown them out. If I get complained at I stop, but as of yet no-one has done that. I don’t know if I should be proud or ashamed.

I’m starting to think I sound like an emo, writing all this stuff. “Oh, look at me, I’m so depressed and everyone should pay me attention or I go jump off a cliff” – give me a fiver and I’ll give you an extra push. I don’t care for classifications. My friends are from all walks of life and I enjoy hopping from one to the other. CHAV at 9am, Greebo by Midday and Emo on the way home. Well, not extreme but I certainly lean to some of those areas.

Quick chronological event list since about November: starting playing my new MMORPG, started going out with a twat, mock exams, had my birthday, Christmas, “broke” the twat’s heart, found out the twat was a twat, made myself very happy by metaphorically kicking the shit out of him (excuse my French), got most results back from exams so was happy again, started losing memory, got memory back, got back on FP.

What a life eh? All happened in… five months. Haha, I’ve just remembered the twat I referred to had, or still has, this account name. Would you like a little explanation of why he is a twat? No? Yes? We’ll stick with no for now, it just ended up with him saying he would “still love me for ages” then a few days later he told me he was deeply in love with some woman from Sweden. What? How does that work? But before that I was sitting there laughing with friends, so it just made me laugh harder. I’m sure I’m going slightly mad. That’s a Queen song I believe, I’m going slightly mad.

I was going to write some more of my story, which I haven’t worked on for months, but then I got annoyed at my dad for being an untidy klutz so the mood kind of disappeared. I’ll wait for my friend to talk to me so I can ask him to programme me some sort of new programme for my characters. The database he made me can only hold so much stuff.

There is some more homework to do before I collapse in a heap on my bed, so this ramble will have to end I’m afraid. I doubt it’s been much use to anyone, but at least to me it’s made me feel a whole lot better.

Smiles for all, you only live once.