Amanda Moser

12/14/06

I.B. English

Poem

Of Selfishness & Suffering

I hate hospitals. With their overly fake Christmas cheer,

Represented in cheap paper and plastic.

The Christmas lights provide an eerie glow as we make our way through the halls to see you.

I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner, but I was scared.

I didn’t think I could handle it, seeing you.

They all said you would be ok.

I hate liars.

Almost as much as I hate the lies they tell.

We walk in.

You don’t notice, they have to tell you we’re here.

You look at me without really seeing me.

The smile on your face turns into a grimace, and you moan in pain as you try to move.

We stay for a while, trying to talk to you

I tell you how school is going, how the play is, and how I miss your cooking.

You just mumble responses, slipping in and out of consciousness.

He tells me its just you’re medication, and that you need rest so you can get better.

We stand and say goodbye, I kiss your hand, promising to be back soon.

I stop just before I walk out the door to tell you, “I love you.”

But I don’t think you hear me.

Oh well,

I’ll tell you next time, maybe then you’ll feel better.

Three days later, I’m sitting on my bed in my room,

When there’s a knock on my door.

I say “Come in,” expecting him,

Telling me he’s back from seeing you, I didn’t want to go this time.

I’m surprised to see my aunt.

She makes her way towards me, almost as if she’s in slow motion

I brace myself, I know what’s coming.

She reaches for me, and wraps me in a tight embrace

NO!

He walks in.

He tells me you’re gone, as he wipes a tear off his cheek.

I try to cry, but nothing comes.

I’m frozen with shock.

They said you would be ok.

My aunt sits on the bed with me, and cradles me in her arms.

They all promised.

How could you? You promised me.

I’m shaking with anger.

I’ll never forgive you for this!

For leaving me.

My aunt holds me tighter, mistaking my sobs of anger as sobs of grief.

How could you just give up?

It’s a little over a year later,

The tears come now.

Everything reminds me of you somehow.

I sometimes think I can hear you at night.

Getting up to find something to watch on T.V because you can’t sleep.

I hear your laughter.

The sound haunts me, and leaves me feeling empty.

Nothing is the same anymore, especially him.

But you knew that would happen, didn’t you?

I know you did.

You knew what losing you would do to him.

I still blame you for taking both of you away.

I feel like I’m asleep, watching everything pass by.

I’m stuck in pause, while everyone else is in fast-forward.

I’m stranded without you.

Lost, alone.

You’re not the only one that died that night…