Scene 5 - The same fall day in 2009 - 10:30 P.M.

A voice comes from the Darkness

voice

(In Darkness)

Joesph Britz, this is your final trial.

The lights come on unveiling Joe sitting on the couch, Death turning the lights on and an angel and a demon standing in the room. The Angel needs to look like the one's from Dogma. The Angel is named Michael and the demon is named Padrutt.

DEATH

Padrutt, please stop being so dramatic.

padrutt

Come on George. Have a sense of humor about things.

michael

Last time he took something jokingly from you, a little man named Hitler was unleashed upon the world. Should have listened to me and let the whole art thing work out...

DEATH

Let's be fair, his paintings did to art what he eventually did to the Jews.

PADRUTT

Touche.

DEATH

(To Padrutt)

Shut up, you helped create "Wicked" which could have got the same point across if it had been someone urinating on the grave of L. Frank Baum.

JOE

George...

DEATH

Yes?

JOE

Who are these people and why are they here?

DEATH

oh yea, well this is Padrutt and Michael. They are here to decide your fate after you pass away.

PADRUTT

Yo.

MICHAEL

Hey.

DEATH

This is the part where I take my leave for a few minutes while you folks get this all sorted out.

Death leaves the room.

joe

So... what happens now?

MICHAEL

Oh, just a few simple questions.

JOE

Okay.

PADRUTT

You ready?

JOE

Shoot.

MICHAEL

How old are you?

JOE

28.

PADRUTT

And you are still in school?

JOE

Yea.

MICHAEL

Why?

JOE

I'm working on my PHD.

PADRUTT

No.

JOE

No?

MICHAEL

When did you start studying pyschology?

JOE

2 years ago.

MICHAEL

When Gwen passed away.

JOE

Yup.

PADRUTT

Why?

JOE

I had been meaning to for a while.

MICHAEL

Why then though?

PADRUTT

To avoid thinking about her.

MICHAEL

To get your mind on something new.

PADRUTT

But it caused the opposite to happen? It served as a constant reminder of her because you were trying so hard to push her out?

MICHAEL

Or did it work for a little and you felt guilty for trying to get the though of her out of your mind?

JOE

A little bit of both. I mean, I wanted to just move on and not think about it and when her memory started to slip from my mind I wanted it back I wanted all the feelings back.

padrutt

So what do you want?

MICHAEL

To have her again?

PADRUTT

Or forget her?

JOE

I don't want to forget her.

Michael and padrutt

I think you already have.

Michael and Padrutt sit down and witness the scene play out in front of them.

GWEN

Why did you agree to that?!

JOE

You said you wanted to move!

GWEN

YEA BUT WE DON'T HAVE THE TYPE OF MONEY TO MOVE YET!

JOE

If we have enough for me to get my Ph.D.

GWEN

We don't! We don't have the money! But we get by because once you get it we won't have to worry about money any more!

JOE

Well you have your degree. Why don't you get a job better paying job?

GWEN

I have a degree in Pediatrics! What else am I supposed to be?

JOE

Don't pediatricians make good money?

GWEN

Yes, but living in this city costs a lot and when you are basically working for shit money, I have to pretty much bring in all of the money.

JOE

Things will be alright I promise you.

GWEN

You say that and you just sit on your ass playing video games and watching movies! It seems like when you don't have work and I'm not around all you do is sit on your ass and stare at one screen or another. And when I AM here you spend half your time trying to get me in the mood.

JOE

Come on...

GWEN

No, you need to get your shit in order and tell Russel that he can't have the apartment.

JOE

Okay, well apparently this isn't a good time to tell you I've taken a teaching job at a local community college! It pays pretty damn well. A lot more than you are making at least, and frankly, I've found a home outside the city that is right in our price range.

GWEN

I don't want to move! Our entire life is in this city! We need to stay here!

JOE

I just thought that you wouldn't want to raise our kids here.

GWEN

Why not? I was raised here. Is there something wrong with me?!

JOE

Truthfully? Right now there is something seriously wrong with you.

GWEN

Really?

JOE

(Sarcastic)

Yea, you on your period?

GWEN

You know what? I'm going to go to Katelyn's tonight. Don't wait up for me.

Gwen storms out.

MICHAEL

Still want her back?

PADRUTT

Or was forgetting the right idea?

JOE

That was the worst fight we got into. We eventually settled everything, it was no big deal.

MICHAEL

What if she never left?

PADRUTT

Would you have you gotten into more fights? Bigger fights? Divorce?

MICHAEL

Or would it be all you wanted? The endless love that you imagined?

PADRUTT

Was her death the easy way out of the relationship?

JOE

(unsure)

No...No. It wasn't. I loved her. I... I just don't know... I want the uncertainty to end...

Padrutt and Michael

We've made our decision, that will be all.

Michael and Padrutt leave.

Death re-enter.

JOE

So...

DEATH

Yea... you ready to go?

JOE

Not particularly.

DEATH

No one ever is.

JOE

So how are we going to do this?

DEATH

That gun that you bought the other day.

JOE

I figured.

DEATH

So... like... do you want to pull the trigger or do you want me to pull the trigger?

Joe mimes shooting himself.

JOE

Boom!

(Pause)

I could do it if you want me to, but like, whatever you want.

DEATH

Whatever, I don't really care.

JOE

Well, Then um... flip a coin?

DEATH

Do you have one?

Joe checks his pockets.

JOE

Nope... just hand me that thing.

DEATH

You sure?

JOE

Yea...

Death gives Joe the gun, Joe points it at death jokingly.

JOE

(imitating Eastwood)

Make my day.

Joe raises the gun to his mouth. He pulls the trigger and the lights flash extremely brightly and back very quickyl. Joe is dead, but he is standing up. Joe is messaging his head.

DEATH

yea, that tends to give people headaches, asprin won't do anything for you, sadly.

JOE

That really wasn't that bad.

DEATH

Yea, you're just a wuss, effectively.

JOE

Apparently. Oh man, can I ask you a question?

DEATH

Go for it kid.

JOE

What is the father of Anna Nichole's baby?

DEATH

Humphrey Bogart, the ultimate man. One day she simply walked by his grave and the sheer potency of his manliness impregnated her. Further going to prove that Bogart is the manliest person ever.

JOE

The manliest person ever is Chuck Norris.

Death slaps Joe across the face.

DEATH

No.

(Pause)

Let's go, this place is boring as...something really boring... that was the lamezor.

Joe and Death walk out of the room.

JOE

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

DEATH

I'm just dropping you off at the pearly white gates.

JOE

Forget it...

They walk off stage.

Curtain Down.

The end.