|Psychotic, Blonde and Somewhat Hyperactive
Author: Kohlomere PM
She's tall, blonde and will talk until her face turns blue, if you'll sit and listen. If only she could overcome her entirely irrational fear of guys and go on a date before she goes to college in the fall, she would totally live happily ever after, rightRated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 5,925 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 05-26-08 - Published: 03-06-07 - id: 2329639
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Miss in Want
Not exactly my best friend, but definitely the one that's been around the longest. Not exactly handsome but okay…What can I say? We fight and laugh with each other. Yeah, I think I have a thing for Tony. But there's a slight problem: I have a thing guys in general!
Oh it's all my mother's fault! I swear she is trying to live vicariously through me but how interesting the life of a sixteen year old bookworm and all-around good girl?
I know how Tony would answer that. Let's not even go there. See, he's wrong, Mother's wrong. They have totally underestimated me. Please don't kid yourself; I stay within the bounds of all things legal.
Well, it's a little embarrassing to admit, but if you don't tell anybody (especially Tony) I'll you in on my little secret.
I write romance novels! And they're not your run-of-the-mill harlequins or teenage dramas…they're the stuff that makes you tingle from head to toe! Now I would never write a romance based on my life. Reason being...it has none! No romance whatsoever, at least not the kind people want to read about.
Don't you dare give me that look, I am not that crazy. Crazy a little but not much. Like I said, it's all my mother's fault! She tries to inject it into my life (kinda like they did to the black dudes at Tuskegee-hahah…Lord I apologize)
Okay, here is one devastating example: Sean Lorry. He's a total and utter idiot, okay? Seriously, the man is meaner than a hair lipped dog and an arrogant white boy! But he's rich…and when Momma and I ran into him the other day at Starbucks Sean waved and I didn't.
For the love of…everything, it was six o'clock in the morning! SIX! How am I supposed to know why a horse-faced boy is waving at me?
That leads me to another question? Why do all the sick freaks approach me? Take this dude Frank, he is the hairiest, stupidest 'tard I have ever met in my life and he asked me to the school dance! What, I ask you, did I do to deserve this?
Sometimes I wonder why I can't be more like my brother, Liam. According to Destiny he's on his last reincarnation. She won't tell me which one I'm on, something that makes me think I have a lot more to go…
Destiny, the poor dear. She's practically Christmas cake and has endometriosis--which isn't all that fun I hear. My mother has been friends with Dez since they sunk a prairie schooner in the Pecos River. That is a long story that involves some tequila, girl power and the sheriff of Sutton County.
But there aren't any hot guys, cheerleaders or high school moments in it, so you won't hear about it from me!
So I have this account with this online fiction archive that's tots def great for my career as a writer. Okay, so nobody with a lick of sense will read my original masterpieces but I'm fine with that. They'll be sorry, I'll be the Martin Scorsese of internet romance novellas.
Oh I'm sorry, I don't have the attention span for a full length novel but I work just as hard to construct my stories as any stick-up-their-butt novelist.
Don't get me started on teen novelists, they're these geeky girls that wear glasses and thrift store shoes (gee-ross!) that talk about dragons and manga. Now where do these white girls get off calling each other "san" "chan" or "kun"? Get really, ladies, you are not going to snare an Asian boyfriend with hair that blonde.
Trust me, I know.
That just gave me the greatest idea! I could tots write about the unrequited love of an angsty white girl who was madly in love with her Asian best friend. No it's not one of those icky shonen-ai situations. They started out in the eighth grade as friends and her feelings for him grew to the size of…something large. Of course he had to fall for this likewise Asian who can't speak clearly for the life of her. That poor white girl would be better off with the similarly white but boorish captain of the debate team, who isn't as powerful as he sounds, but a mule in horse's trappings.
Maybe it still needs some works, but it could go somewhere.