Fizzy Lemonade

It’s mid day. The sky is overcast. A red corvette stops suddenly on a suburban street in Bamboozle in front of a run down white house with a black roof.

The driver, a pretty blonde girl named Pieta Pritina, Bamboozles resident vampire slayer hops out of the vehicle quickly. It became apparent days later that a vampire slayer is useless to Bamboozlians and here is why.

Poor Mortimer Allans, a skinny nerd, Pieta’s sidekick of the week is trapped helplessly in the corvette, while an onslaught of hungry, blood thirsty vampires approach him, ready for a taste of nerdy goodness.

“No, no, noooo!” Mortimer screams in fear. He stretches his arms out and flails them, tempting the vampires even more.

Pieta is nowhere to be seen, leaving poor Mortimer to defend his nerdy self, but suddenly he has a sudden surge of bravery and intellect. Mortimer using left over Holly Water and a wooden stake defeats the hoard of vampires.

After taking short rest, he ignores the carnage that lie before him. He climbs into the house through the kitchen window.

“I did it. I did it!” Mortimer announces. “I defeated those blood sucking vamps.”

Moments later he notices the occupants: Inspector “Lachlan’s Mum” Such And Such, a deranged bestial lady and Officer Oliver Octogenarian, whose name conveniently spells 000.

“Those weren’t vampires. They were pregnant old lady men,” says Mrs. Lachlan's Mum. “And the Holly Water was fizzy lemonade.”

“But I didn’t know,” says Mortimer. “They, they kept advancing I thought they were going to suck the blood out of me….It was self defence.”

“Oh so you admit you didn’t know,” says Officer Octogenarian, with a hint of suspicion in his voice.

“You twat! They were attracted to your red corvette,” says Mrs. Lachlan's Mum. “And the stake you used to ruthless stab them to their untimely deaths was the end of a crooked umbrella.”

A marching band passes by through the house, led by Pieta interrupts the interrogation. The walls shake, glasses and other assorted dishware crash to the floor. The drumming booms in Mortimers ears like a random musical interlude. Mrs. Lachlan's Mum and Officer Octogenarian continue their accusing stares.

“YES!” says Mortimer. “I didn’t know. I was set up.”

“Oh well we have arrest you for 60 counts of murder in the first degree,” says Mrs. Lachlan's Mum. “Take this nerdy man away!”

“Yes Mam!” says Officer Octogenarian. He salutes his police partner promptly and arrests poor Mortimer. This is what happens when you trust a pretty blonde girl with a piece of wood.