Very Useful Scientific Squirrel Facts!

It’s a random selection of made up squirrel facts I made up for a joke. There’s at least fifty…so enjoy!

Fact #50: Squirrels can’t drive cars…

A squirrel is seen at the wheel of a car, observing it. He cocks his head at one side, then another, before throwing a nut at the wheel. It honked and the squirrel screamed. The car crashed into a wall, and the airbags burst open.

Fact #49: Squirrels lie about their age…

A long line up of squirrels is seen at the entrance of a dance club. One of them, who is dressed up like an entrepreneur, walks up to the bodyguard. “ID please.” he said. The squirrel merely cocked its head and held up an ID with a picture of a nerd on it. The name said Carl and the age said nineteen. The guard cocked an eyebrow, stared at the card then at the squirrel, who was waiting impatiently. He then nodded and motioned for the squirrel to go in. He smiled and ran in. Twenty minutes later, the squirrel walks out of the club with two bras on his head, his shirt unbuttoned.

Fact #48: Squirrels tend to invade other peoples’ privacy…

Inside a tree, another squirrel is seen, reading a diary about how a girl met a beautiful young man. Behind him, were at least thirty five diaries and sixty two FBI files. The squirrel then heard a million screams as women, men and a few FBI agents realized their personal stuff was gone.

Fact #47: Only flying squirrels can fly…

A flying squirrel flies effortlessly across the skies of the Grand Canyon. Meanwhile, a squirrel dressed up as Superman, was inside a catapult, ready to fly. The catapult launched, sending the squirrel five inches across the canyon before he plummeted down, screaming like a lunatic.

Fact #46: Squirrels had their own WW2…

An army of German squirrels walk across a deserted building. A Hitler squirrel is seen speaking in squirrel language. Suddenly, an army of heroic squirrels burst through the windows of the building. They held plunger guns, boxing glove launchers and even a Nutty ol’ nuke! One of the German squirrels got out an acorn gun, able to shoot acorns at twenty per second. He started shooting. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a Neo squirrel bursts through the door and in slow motion, does the matrix. He then freezes in mid-air and kicks the squirrel out. The squirrel launched the nuke. From the Earth’s atmosphere, a tremendous explosion is seen from Germany, acorns flying all over the world…

Fact #44: Squirrels invented Disco

1969 Florida, a pack of squirrels are in their night club with afros and disco wear. Doing disco moves all over the dance floor. A squirrel is seen dashing with another afro, when he suddenly trips and drops the wig from the tree. A man passing by finds it on the ground. “Hmmm…”he thought, “Big puffy…afros, yes! I’ll make some cool dance moves and call it disco!” He ran off to show everyone his discovery

Fact #43: Squirrels think they discovered electricity!

A squirrel is holding a kite in the middle of a terrible thunderstorm. He was smiling and waving. Suddenly, a streak of lightning bursts from the skies and sets the squirrel ablaze. He’s then seen still waving, the tip of tail on fire. Now if only it didn’t take place a day after the real dude we know discovered electricity…

Fact #42: Squirrels once invaded Nintendo entertainment of America…

A band of squirrels are seen in the offices of Nintendo, playing games on the computers and drinking pops and juices and root beer. One of them is dressed up like Mario and Shigeru Miyamoto. They are dancing with signs saying: Praise Nintendo! And: Bow down Sony and Microsoft! They screamed like lunatics throwing confetti and playing Super Smash Bros. Melee and smashing Wii controllers through the window, getting to into the game.

Fact #41: Squirrels once had a vacation in Iraq…

Squirrels are seen with sunglasses and bathing suits, while buildings explode and terrorists are seen with shot guns yelling, Death to America! Topical Hawaiian music is heard in the background…

Fact #40: Squirrels don’t close doors.

A squirrel is sitting on the toilet, concentrating it looked like. He then looked at the camera and quickly threw a nut at it. He quickly slammed the door, which slowly opened back up as he flushed the toilet…

Fact #39: Squirrels think of themselves as artistic geniuses

A squirrel quickly made an art picture. It had a giant explosion and three people disintegrating in the process…

There are even more squirrel facts coming soon…