Nine Second Redemption

from the buildup to the breakdown (9 seconds crashing)
falling to ashes (falling to dust)
subconsciously wondering if its enough
or is it not worth it
N O
it screams
but I beg and plead
:just let me be happy
for 9 seconds then:
c r a s h i n g
and screaming with laughter
(of anger of hurt should we fear for the worst)
(or joy or excitement pure sheer delightment)
confused and so bottled
(wonder, full-throttled)
and choking on words and mucus from tears
so broken
so broken
torn dreams and
frost fears
thrown in the wind
but they're back (so it seems)
just relax
and listen
N O N O N O
let me be
I'm not fine
or okay
better yet I feel
scared
is it worth loving for
(laughing for
guts spilled all over the floor)
do you hate me?
am I better?
do you love me?
still reject me?
I need answers
reassuring
but nothing
nothings coming
not a smile not a glance
NOT A WAVE NOT AN ECHO OF PRAISE
was it me that you hated
(so highly degraded)
not a soul not a soul can ever know of my pain of my shame
((of my 9 seconds crashing) me crashing me mocking me stalking me driving me crazy don’t pretend you cant hear me)
9 seconds
and she crashes
on the pavement
on the street
9 seconds
and she crashes
to her bloody
defeat