And then, when you're not here

I turn away and tell myself I love you

I swear

But I can't love you if I don't love myself.

I look at others but I still say I love you

But I don't remember what love is.

My drunken walk is deceiving

This is not who I really am

My vacant eyes are not reality

This is just another mask

I swear I didn't do this on purpose

I just needed a release.

I just need to know that I'm real.

(Is this real?

Or just another façade?)

I haven't seen you and that makes

My mind (and my body) wander.

But I swear I will regret

Any mistakes that I make.

But while I'm

snorting demons,

Popping hell,

Does my word even count?