Undereater's Anonymous

aka

Fat People's Revenge

((To be clear, I'm skinny myself, but... This begged to be written.))

Disclaimer: This story bears no association with any group. All similarities are coincidental or unavoidable.

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"Hi. My name is Bob, and I'm an Undereater."

"Hi, Bob." the group chorused.

"It all started so simply. Before I became the Skinny Little Brat I am now, I was a good two-forty! But then, in my Senior Year of High School, things changed. I started hanging out with my friends more, and went to all-night gaming parties all the time. I didn't even notice that I was starting to eat less; I was so wrapped up in the games. I didn't have time to eat; I was too busy sniping my enemies and earning points for my team. So I just ignored the pains of hunger."

There were general noises of agreement from the group.

"Then, one day, I decided to check the scale. And I found out that in just a month, I had lost twenty pounds! Twenty pounds! I could barely believe my eyes; how had I lost so much weight, so fast!? Well, the evidence was obvious; I couldn't ignore it. Eventually, I found the root of the problem, but by then, it was too late. I started eating less and less; sometimes, I even skipped two meals a day. What was I supposed to do? I was constantly focused on the thought of not eating. There were always other things for me to do. There were games to play, people to chat with, movies to watch... I didn't even get up to make popcorn anymore. Before I knew it, poof! I had gone down to a hundred and sixty pounds. I was starting to look like a lean, mean, digesting machine. Then, it happened."

The members of the group sucked in their breaths.

"My girlfriend left me." Bob said. "She told me that I wasn't eating enough, and that she just couldn't handle dating a SLB. That's when I knew I had to get help. I couldn't avoid eating any longer; I needed to chow down at every opportunity and loosen my belt a few notches. So I went to see my doctor. I knew a lot of what he told me; we've all heard it. Three big meals a day, plus snacks, and a lot of heavy foods in my diet. Willpower, that was important. I had to eat until I was full, not just bite down a few times and pretend. I would never get over my problem if I didn't go all the way. Let me tell you, pretending won't help! I know! If you slack off and only eat some of your meal, you won't be able to fill out your pants like you should! Undereating can ruin lives. It ruined mine. I lost my job because I could never concentrate; I was so focused on not eating that I became light-headed all the time. I couldn't pay my bills, and everything I enjoyed about life suddenly became drab and wretched."

Sympathetic noises were directed his way.

"So, after about a month of slacking, I steeled myself. I WOULD eat three meals a day. I WOULD do everything I could to stop being skinny. It was hard! I would be at the table for thirty minutes or more every meal, just eating! Lots of meats and thick soups, huge platters of hamburgers and tacos, everything I could get my hands on. The event that changed me? I came here, to Undereaters Anonymous. And now, I have my job back again. I can concentrate on everything, and enjoy life again. I got promoted just last week to Senior Internal Services Sub-Director. And... I have loosened my belt three times in the past six weeks." there was applause from the crowd. "And to thank all of you for your support, I have something for all of you. Bring in the donuts!" The doors at the back of the hall opened, and six members of Undereaters Anonymous Chapter 748 paraded in, each laden with several boxes of donuts of every shape and size. "All of you, dig in!

"My name is Bob, and I'm no longer an Undereater!"