Young, naïve, and vulnerable are three words we often group together, but as far as my research goes, however unscientific, age has nothing to do with susceptibility. During our childhood years we often convince ourselves to believe in things that are not real, such as monsters under the bed and imaginary friends. Although it is not usually in these forms, as adults we also convince ourselves to believe in a false reality- or even allow others to do the persuading for us. We often lie to ourselves to protect our overwhelmed minds, but I have found that after hiding from the truth for what seemed like forever, truth is the real shield. If you can defeat its monsters, then you can face anything, even a mid-life crisis. Mine just happened to be rescuing me from an early years’ predicament. One day my crisis rescuer came to help me find reality.

Monday

I pressed my face against the boarded up window in front of my pillow, peering through the small gap between the pieces of wood. A jogger about half my age, maybe in her twenties, was passing by the home I resided in. In awe I stared at her tanned skin for a while, and then nearly jumped at the shock of my own skin pigment. Even though the room was dark, my pale skin glowed in the dimness. I was practically an albino, even though my eyes were still grey, but they were so weak they felt bloodshot from straining them to see.

Although I had no memory of being in the outside world, its horrors were made known to me by my guardian, Percival, who I always called Big Bird. Back when Sesame Street was a regular children’s show I used to watch it in the morning. The only other thing on at the time was a myriad of news reports and talk shows, which I feared to watch because of their involvement with the real world’s issues. I somehow came to the conclusion that Percival was like Big Bird. He was kind and generous, shown by his constant duty of keeping me safe, happy, and healthy. The two even seemed to look alike after I convinced myself, both tall, a bit wide, and covered in frizzy hair. I, on the other hand, was a short man, but thin, like a stick snapped in half. A few hairs on my head were the uneven fibers of the broken wood’s top, and my feet were small and flat as well. Big Bird didn’t keep mirrors in my part of the house, but I knew my reflection after seeing it on a glass or two.

Because I had never met or spoke to anyone besides Big Bird, I wasn’t sure if my way of living was suspicious or not. What I did know was that it was far from normal. However, I was not abused or threatened, and Big Bird had his own normal life. He had a job, friends, and plenty to do. I had seen him upset at his life so much though, that I figured he was just keeping me happy and sane. Although I couldn’t recall living at Big Bird’s all my life, I could picture such memories more than ones of possibly living elsewhere. Besides, if I had lived some else I would have known more than two names, on being Percival’s, and the other, mine, which I did not own to share.

Continuing my usual day’s schedule, I sat up from my futon, which was placed against the aboveground side of the basement wall, and turned on the TV. Before I could even think about it, my thumb twitched, changing the channel from court TV to a cooking show. With little to do at home, I fell in love with food and devoured every cooking show that I came across. Forgetting that I had not returned the futon to its couch shape, I leaned back and felt my upper body plummet to my sleeping place and rebound off a few inches back up. Before I could bounce again, I stood up and fixed the furniture to my liking. I was just about to enjoy the show when I was interrupted by the sound of Big Bird’s breakfast call. Ignited by my desire for fuel, I raced upstairs to the dining room.

It was a medium sized, pentagon shaped room with wood flooring, paneling, and décor, practically a supermarket full of treats and meals for a fire. There were no windows, only a door revealing the steps downstairs and another for entrance to the kitchen. The kitchen I knew had windows, for the sun would burst into the dining room sometimes as Big Bird snuck into the room to bring me my meals. I had only ever been in the basement and the dining room, but they were both clean and comfortable so I didn’t want to beg for more and jinx it. I knew how many others had less, Big Bird told me time and time again. Without him, I’d be one of those people, so I was very thankful for Big Bird. Finally I took my seat across from my friend.

“Did you forget to turn off the TV again Teddy? Or am I hearing voices?” Big Bird asked as the sound of a muffled television filled our ears.

“Sorry,” I mumbled as I pushed my chair out from the table and proceeded in rushing downstairs before Big Bird could harangue me for the billionth time not to waste his money. When I returned there was already a landscape full plate for me, overflowing with mountains of snow and rivers of run off yoke. I stabbed my shovel into the snow and plowed the eggs into my mouth. Big Bird preferred that I not stay upstairs for too long, so I continued eating in a ravenous motion. By the time he sprinkled his meal with seasoning I was already sweeping up the remains of my breakfast and gulping down my orange juice.

“Lunch will be ready at one,” Big Bird informed me as I excused myself from the dining area. That was his way of telling me to go back to my room and that I’d see him in a few hours. Since it was only 8:49 I had approximately four hours until my next meal, but before I could reach the bottom of the steps my stomach was already sobbing. Even though I looked well fed, I was almost always starving. Thinking about Big Bird’s own generous helpings for himself constantly tempted me to rebel. After I remembered that he was taking care of me, free of charge, even though we weren’t even family, I thought better of it. So to distract myself I looked around for something to do that would take up a piece of time.

I slowly sauntered about the room, tracing my fingers over the objects I passed by. Finally, I caught my finger on a frayed cardboard box about the size of my palm and I removed it from its resting place. Lifting the tab on the container, I looked around for a smooth, flat place to begin my mission. I decided on my coffee table and after I cleared it I dumped out the box’s contents, a deck of playing cards. Some of the cards, actually about a quarter of them, were warped out of shape. These defects I pressed within the pages of a nearby dictionary so that they would flatten out. As those cards began their operations, I began to set up the foundation for a house of cards with the rest of the deck.

For a while I worked out the science of building the castle. I started with a base of 6 cards so that the structure would have a total of 3 levels at the most. Gradually I added more and more of the bricks, but only after restarting it many times did the castle successfully become bigger. In doing so I discovered the best angles for laying the cards at and how much force I could apply to the support beams to make them stay but not knock over the rest of the cards. Eventually the shack became a house and I was running out of cards. Even after getting the hospitalized cards out and using them, it was not as large as I would have liked. At this time though, it was already 12:44 and I decided to wait until lunch to ask Big Bird if he had any more decks.

Suddenly, I sensed a pain in my neck that felt as if someone was grasping my muscle and clenching it in their fist. After craning my neck over the construction site for so long, it was begging for a break. I plopped down on my futon, stomach side down, and I quickly dug into massaging my neck. Soon my hands and arms grew tired and my eyelids turned to stones. Even though I didn’t have any energy to check the clock, I knew I only had 10 minutes or so until lunch time. I figured the mini-nap would exhaust me more, but I was forced to surrender and drop my heavy eyelids’ burden, resulting in my instantly falling asleep.

Big Bird must have figured I was asleep because when I awoke it was a quarter past one. Lunch, or any meal for that matter, was always on time in Big Bird’s house. Whether the food wasn’t ready or had been for a year, I was asked to come upstairs as the clock announced it was time. Big Bird probably realized that I was sleeping when I didn’t come upstairs when he called (I’m guessing he did call upon me) and decided to let me eat dinner when I was ready. Sure enough, I found a note upon the door at the top of the steps that read: Come in, lunch is ready when you are. – Percival. Slowly I cracked open the door and gazed into the dining room. Big Bird was at his usual seat enjoying his food and there was already a plate ready and filled at my place.

“I see you are finally joining me. Hurry, before your food turns to ice,” Big Bird greeted me.

“Thanks for letting me nap,” I told him. He responded by smiling and nodding before motioning to tell me to sit down. I took a huge bite of the zesty dill pickle on my plate and watched as its acidic juices shot out and landed on my steak sandwich. With my mouth already filled with the pickle flavor, I took a bite of the infected cheese steak creation. The bite was apparently too big considering I was stuck masticating it for quite some time. After swallowing the chunk of bread, meat, and cheese, I remembered what I wanted to ask Big Bird.

“Could I maybe borrow an extra card deck?” I requested.

“For what?” Big Bird questioned me.

“I’m building a card castle. I want it to be even bigger.”

“Oh, sure. I got one back in my room. I’ll get it for you when we finish eating.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem,” Big Bird told me before digging back into his lunch. We continued eating in silence, except for, of course, the annoying noises one commonly makes while eating. I returned to consuming my cheese steak, this time being civil and taking decent, but not enormous bites. Washing down the food with some water, I at last completed my meal, and for once was full from it. Big Bird was acting oddly kind for some reason. Don’t get me wrong, he was unbelievably kind for everything he did for me, but I would have guessed it was my birthday by how nice he was treating me. Come to think of it, it very well may have been my birthday, considering I couldn’t even remember when that was. Anyway, I wiped my mouth clean with my napkin and said my temporary farewell to Big Bird.

“I’ll bring down the cards then,” Big Bird informed me as I got up to leave.

“Great,” I replied, grinning from the excitement. Then I continued back downstairs to my room and started pacing about the room, watching myself finish the castle again and again in my mind. I stopped when I heard the creaky rhythm of someone approaching from Big Bird’s heavy steps upon the stairs.

“Here you go,” Big Bird said as he tossed me another deck of cards. I barely caught the deck, but unlike mine, this deck was in good shape and wouldn’t have turned into a game of 52 card pick-up if it happened to fall. Actually, the cards were enclosed in a case of clear plastic that had no cracks and was only stained with the few fingerprints of its handlers. The clean, bright white cards appeared as if they had never been used, but always remained behind their glass window, looking out onto the world like a doll at the front of a toy store that constantly waited to be adopted. Gladly I opened the case and let the cards within see the light- or dark in the case of that room.

“Thanks,” I told my friend as I headed over to the table on which my castle rested on. Although I was expected Big Bird to leave to do his business, instead he came over to where I was, wearing a grin of surprise.

“Wow, you did that?” he asked, viewing my 5 story pyramid of cards. “Do you mind if I watch? I don’t want to make you screw up though.”

“Sure you can watch. After all, it’s just you Big Bird, not the queen of England,” I responded, ecstatic that Big Bird was impressed with something I did. Although I was shocked that I actually was able to get that far, I was only mildly amused. I guess I just wanted to do something that actually made a difference, not just entertainment, but with a life as exciting as living in a basement, entertainment is like food and water.

Big Bird took a seat in a corner nearby and reclined the chair in it as if he was watching television. I adored the attention, yet I felt like a 5 show at a carnival little kids beg their parents to let them see, but I doubt I thought those exact words considering I hadn’t been to a carnival in forever, if ever. Once I slid the fresh cards around in my hands I instantly forgot all about Big Bird and zoned in on my target. I increased the area of my building by adding another arch to the base of my castle and placing more cards above it to end up with it a whole level higher than before.

I continued this until I only had enough cards to finish the current addition I was working on. As I approached the top of the pyramid with the last two cards, I let out a deep sigh. If I had made it that far, I could surely finish it off. Sadly though, that sigh resulted in blowing a few of the light cards over. Needless to say, the whole thing carried out a domino effect and the whole thing turned into a pile of hearts, clubs, diamonds, and spades.

“Screw this!” I yelled, slamming my hand down on the table, but I ended up hitting the remote instead. Besides just turning it on, my fist managed to change the channel from the cooking channel it was last on to a show about some old, forgotten crime. Scooping up the remote in my hand, I prepared to change the channel when I caught sight of a figure on the TV that looked just like Percival. I froze, unsure of what I was seeing.

“Give me that,” Big Bird snapped, snatching the remote from my grasp and changing the channel himself. “I told you not to watch that crap.”

“I didn’t try it,” I mumbled. “Was that- was that you Big P?”

“Of course not, and what’s with this Big P business? Is that my rapper name or something? It’s either Percival or Big Bird. Soon you’ll be calling me Lil’ Cucumber or something else outrageous.”

“Sorry, I don’t even know where that came from,” I stuttered, trying to remember if I had any reason for calling him Big P. I didn’t remember calling him anything but Big Bird actually. Still convinced that it was Percival on the show, I bravely ventured to ask him again. “But about that show. It looked just like you Big-,” I cut myself off before I could mutter the letter and instead forced myself to call him what I always did. “Bird. If not you, it had to be a twin of your’s at least.”

“Plenty of people look like me, got it? Excuse me for being ordinary.”

“Well excuse me for not having a clue how many people look like you because the only one I have seen is you!” I replied, my tone as harsh as his.

Without saying a word, Percival quickly gathered the cards splattered all over the coffee table and their cases before stomping back upstairs. As I heard his departing footsteps mock the fierce pounding of my heart I tried to let out an apology, but my face shook with anxiety and I couldn’t make my lips still enough to speak.

I was in doubt that I would receive supper that night. To keep myself from waiting for him I took a warm bath which I ended up staying in so long that the water turned cold. Not caring, I let the chilliness of my surroundings numb me as I tried to forget what had just happened, while attempting to remember anything about a possible past of mine.