Wednesday

“So how has life been treating you Mrs. Rogers?” said Big Bird from the other side of the basement door.

“Why does that name sound familiar? Maybe I heard it on TV or something,” I whispered under my breath.

“Oh, the usual. I’m coping, but besides, well you know, everything else has been going pretty well and how many times do I have to tell you to call me Theresa,” the mysteriously almost recognizable voice responded.

“Only a million, I’d say,” Big Bird stated with a chuckle. “Give me a break, I’ve always called you Mrs. Rogers, it just seems awkward to actually use your first name.”

“I know. So, how are you?” she asked him.

“Good. I wouldn’t say I have the most interesting life, but I got everything I need.”

I rolled my eyes at his comment. “Please, try living in your basement Perc,” I thought to myself.

“That’s what everyone says,” the lady named Theresa added.

There was a moment of silence before the sound of an elephant stampede resounded throughout the household, almost causing me to go tumbling down the steps in shock. “Hmm, I’m pretty sure you can’t keep elephants in a house, but then again, I’m sure Big Bird would add them to his collection of illegal pets,” I mumbled.

As it turned out, the elephants were actually three children and from what I heard they were the lady’s, Theresa’s, grandchildren. They sounded to me like they were still quite young, probably only seven years old at the most. My heart almost leapt from my chest when one of them slammed against the door between the kitchen and the steps.

“Calm down Jeremy,” Theresa instructed the child who moved away from where I was eavesdropping, allowing the crack of light to once again pass through the gap between the floor and the door.

“Grandma, I’m bored. Can Jerry and I go do something?” a little boy asked.

“Hey, what about me?” an even younger girl whined.

“Perc, can they go downstairs or something?” their grandmother requested.

“No,” Big Bird responded immediately. “I mean, it’s pretty messy down there. I don’t want them getting into trouble.”

“Come on, they’re good kids. They probably just want to watch TV or something,” she commented, defending them, or more likely just trying to get them away so that they wouldn’t interfere with their conversation.

“Exactly, or something. Who knows what something is?”

“What is your problem Perc?”

“Fine, but can I clean it up first and then you can come down?”

“Sure, just hurry, I don’t think I can hold these monsters much longer,” Theresa kidded as a chorus of childish laughter rung out.

As silently as I could, I rushed down the steps and flew onto my futon before Big Bird could catch me eavesdropping. Luckily I landed just in time to watch him slowly crack open the door and come prowling downstairs. I made sure to flush my mind of what I had heard temporally so that I wouldn’t get caught in the act. Yawning, I innocently greeted Big Bird as if I was just waking up.

“Sorry, but you have to hide. The kids want to come down here and watch TV,” he commanded me.

“Where?”

“I don’t know, the bathroom? You can lock that door.”

“What if they have to go?”

“Then they can come upstairs if that happens, but for now, go in there, and try to be quiet.”

“Fine,” I gave in, heading back over to my bathroom and closing the door behind me. Fumbling in the dark, I attempted to lock the door, and finally accomplished the task as I heard the elephants make their way into the basement. Now that they were down in the room, I couldn’t just flip the light switch and hope they wouldn’t notice. I was sure that as kids, they would notice the action and try to come inside the bathroom, and when that failed, run upstairs to tell the adults about some magical happening. Afterwards after the guests had left, Big Bird would take his turn investigating the mystery and I would end up in trouble for not being careful, even though no one would probably believe those kids anyway. Such was just my guess as what could happen, but I wasn’t going to take any chances.

“Come on, hurry up frog-face!” the one boy, I think Jeremy, teased.

“Where’s the remote?” the other boy, who I guessed to be Jerry, asked.

“Over here,” the first voice replied before the loud noise of the television program erupted.

“I’ve been wanting to see this, but dad won’t let me!” Jerry yelled.

“What is it?”

“Just your typical cops and robbers movie, only gorier.”

“Sweet.”

I was just wondering where the little girl was when I heard a loud, clear explosion burst through the air. What followed were more similar noises, screaming, and a siren. If Big Bird knew what they were watching I’m sure I’d find out about it later. With all my might I attempted to block out the hideous noise, but it kept attacking me. Even if I could sleep, I would have been to afraid to risk having a nightmare, so I held my hands to my ears as hard as possible and waited out that certain scene of the film.

Finally, all was returned to its normal noise level and I allowed my ears to listen in once again. To my dismay, all they could hear was the movie, as the two boys must have been silent, wrapped up in the plot. Since I had no interest in the movie and I rather not have its sounds presented to me, I looked around the ebony coated bathroom in attempt to find something to occupy myself. The more I looked however, the less amusing and the more threatening the dark became. Faucets turned to weapons, bodies appeared in the bathtub, and the violent noises that had ceased came back to haunt me. I shut my eyes tightly and then opened them again, but after staring for a bit, the images returned.

I had no choice but to think of happier things as I curled up in the fetal position and hid my head from the evils of the darkness. I wanted to run out of the bathroom and be surrounded by the comfort of others, but I knew such a thing was impossible for me to do. Besides, even if I did do that, there’d be too much confusion and too little comforting. I instead waited it out, and woke up to the sound of my stomach grumbling, but other than that the house was silent as far as I could hear. Soon after I felt what seemed like a bright light to me, although it was actually a dim one, hit my eyes and Big Bird’s figure appeared in front of me.

“I’m really sorry bout that Ted. You must be about ready to eat yourself aren’t you?” Big Bird apologized.

“What time is it?”

“Three o’ clock.”

“You’re kidding me!”

“Nope, so come on upstairs before your metabolism starts a protest and blames me for letting you starve.”

I stood up and began to follow him upstairs, but was soon overcome with a pounding headache and I blacked out from standing up too fast. Still I managed to find my way to the kitchen as my vision gradually came back and I took my seat, just as my stomach let out another groan. Luckily Big Bird popped in and out of the kitchen before my stomach could whine again and he set a bowl of chicken corn soup in front of me. When I finished that bowl immediately, he even went and got me a second serving. Even though I should have received breakfast and lunch by now, I was so ecstatic at the sight of food that I wouldn’t have complained if he gave me just a single crumb, but I still preferred that I had enough to eat until I became full.

“Sorry about that Teddy. I didn’t think they would stay that long, but I guess we had some catching up to do,” Big Bird told me.

“Who?” I asked, once again wearing my mask of false ignorance.

“Oh, just an old friend I guess you could say. Her grandkids are quite a trio aren’t they?”

“I only heard two downstairs.”

“The third, the girl, decided to stay with her grandma. She was too young to understand our conversation anyway,” he informed me.

“Oh? Well it wasn’t your fault anyway. It’s not like you could say, hey, meet my crony Teddy that lives in my basement.”

“Trust me, I couldn’t even show them a picture of you without them suspecting something totally insane. I’m glad you understand though.”

“No problem,” I replied as I finished my second helping of the soup. Not wanting to appear selfish, I dabbed my chin dry of the liquid that had run down over it and got up to leave the dining room.

“Are you sure you had enough?” Big Bird asked.

“Yeah,” I mumbled as I walked back over to the steps and closed the door behind me. “I’ve had enough of you.”

I’m pretty sure that Big Bird had no clue as far as how he offended me. Perhaps if he thought about the words he used to describe my state then he would have figured it out. Those words, those seemingly innocent words kept stabbing me. “Suspecting something totally insane,” I repeated. Whether or not he meant to refer to the actual insane position I was in, it surely reminded me of it. I’m not even sure if it should have offended me, since if he had been referring to me living in his basement as insane, he’d be the crazy person for making me. Still I didn’t want to face Big Bird and explain why I had left so abruptly, so I made sure not to search for his attention.

Either Big Bird didn’t want to find out what he did wrong either, or he apparently thought that two bowls of soup in the middle of the afternoon served as an entire day’s servings, because he didn’t even offer a supper to me. Having left as a barely half full man, I was hoping for a supper anyway, but I knew it was impossible to have one without confronting Big Bird. By eight however, I was willing to risk my life just to get some more nourishment. With this new burst of courage, I slowly stumbled upstairs, being tackled more and more by my nerves. Even though I was already weak from hunger, that weakness propelled me to shake off those nerves and make my way to the top of the steps. When I arrived I put my ear to the door to hear for anything, and when I heard nothing I creaked open the door the slightest bit.

My hunger suddenly turned to dust as I spotted two figures on the other side of the barrier. Even though there was barely an inch opened, all four eyes zoomed in on the crack. As silently yet swiftly as possible I raced back downstairs and ran back into the dungeon. There I once again checked in and hid while the free guests conversed to their liking, hoping that they figured it was just a draft opening an improperly shut door. I naturally knew better than to expect that they would actually believe the occurrence was a draft, but by telling myself that they did I was able to convince my mind to stop worrying and go to sleep. Once asleep however, I could no longer comfort myself or attempt to control the imagination that was processing in my mind. Therefore I was left alone in a dark, stuffy bathroom to surmount the illusions of my subconscious. In reality however, the conqueror was my fear and its own vibrant pictures of my fate.