This is...weird, but I love it so. I still don't remember what was going on when I wrote it, but I'm not going to question it.

Ray belongs to Seirei, and everyone else is mine...why does he get so many cameos? ponders this

--

"We could always go to England, you know. I hear it's nice over there."

"True...but there's still one problem."

"Hmm?"

"You know, not technically existing by modern standards."

"Psh. There's proof of my existence everywhere. I have entire temples dedicated to me...even if they're slightly dilapidated by now."

"Slightly being the key word there, obviously. They might end up putting you in the loony bin for claiming to be a god."

"And I'd point them in the direction of Alex, since she obviously needs the straightjacket and padded white room far more than I ever will."

"I'm sitting three feet away from you, bastard. Don't make me make you endure my mighty wrath."

Osiris, who was currently curled up quite contently in his fiancee's lap, feigned a look of surprise and peered at the end of the couch. Indeed, Alex was sitting there with a book and a challenging expression in place. Orion, meanwhile, just rolled his eyes and hoped he wouldn't have to break up another catfight. As rare as they were nowadays, they were a tad bit inconvenient because if he wasn't quick enough, Ray'd get involved and Rayce would throw himself in just for the fun of it. Then Blake would feel the need to protect his boyfriend from the gods and the crazy zombie chick. Then, at the very end of it all, Rinanto would have to patch them up. It was a sad cycle, really.

"Hmm, more like three and a half feet away, to be honest. It's perfectly understandable as to why I didn't notice you, with that in mind."

It looked as if the teen were seriously contemplating the idea of chucking her book at the god. It was a heavy object, and would probably leave a decent bruise before it healed. That was the only problem with throwing things at the god; he healed far too quickly for her taste, so heavier objects had to be used to get a satisfying result. Then she sighed lightly and shook her head, hiding a smile.

"You're just growing senile, my dear friend. You are over seven thousand years old, so I guess I can forgive your little slip-up. After all, it won't be too long before we'll have to find a nice little nursing home for you." She reached over and patted his knee sympathetically, only to earn a dirty look.

Orion felt the need to inturrupt here, incapable of resisting the urge to poke fun at the teen. "Ray's older than Osiris, remember? Seems like he'd be joining him in that little nursing home..."

Alex spent a few moments thinking about that, then nodded in agreement. "You have a point there. Well, it was nice while it lasted," she said with a sigh and a grin, fully aware of the fact that Ray was in the kitchen and capable of hearing every bit of their conversation. "Besides, he never got me that sandwich. It could be considered punishment."

"I offered you the footlong but you didn't want it," the elder god called from the other room. "I'm not going to some nursing home just because you didn't want to partake of my generous offer!"

Putting everyone in one room with a horrible Lifetime movie was both a terrible idea and incredibly entertaining, as they had discovered that evening.

"I thought we agreed we'd never mention the sandwich thing again," Orion said, watching his fiancee skeptically as he proceeded to die laughing. It was the kind of laugh where you couldn't breath properly, and you were more or less forced to kind of make a half-gasping sound every few seconds so your brain wouldn't shut down entirely.

"You mandated that it wouldn't be brought up," Alex replied, arching an eyebrow. "Which basically means that said mandate is null and void. I thought you knew that." Then, before he could say anything further or beat her with the friggin' polearm, she changed subjects.

"So, is Osiris gonna be the one going down the aisle in the dress?"

That worked wonders on getting the god's laughter to stop. It was almost amazing, really; one moment he had been clinging to Orion's shoulder, and the next he was shooting daggers at the overly smug teen with his eyes.

"We haven't been able to find anything that accentuates his uniquely feminine figure yet," Orion commented, wrapping his arms around his fiancee's waist. "But we're still looking. Any suggestions?"

"As long as you don't get anything that's white, I'm perfectly content." Alex nodded, sounding as if her opinion of what went on at their wedding was the be all and end all of everything. "We all know that Osiris is less than innocent, after all."

The god gasped and pointed at her accusingly. "You impugn my honor! I'm as pure and innocent as the vestal virgins," he said, clasping his hands under his chin and fluttering his eyelashes.

"...What the fuck?"

Alex tilted her head back, looking towards the entrance to the living room. Prosper stood there, looking suitably groggy with his mussed blonde hair and heart-covered pajamas. He took a few seconds to frown at her amused expression before shaking his head and stumbling towards the kitchen.

"Never mind," he mumbled as he passed. "I should know that questioning any of you will further deprive me of my sanity..."

"I have yet to hear wiser words," Ray said as he passed the shapeshifter, a slice of cold pizza in hand. The god took a seat between Alex and the combined lump of Osiris and Orion, then scooted a little closer to his girlfriend upon noticing the younger god staring intently at him. Half the time, they avoided each other like the plague; the other half of the time, Ray avoided his great-grandson because he got into these weird moods where it was more fun to act as an annoyance than anything else. It probably wouldn't have worked so well if not for the fact that he responded so well to the tiniest things.

With that in mind, Osiris squiggled out of the hold of his fiancee and flopped out across the other man's lap. "Hiya," he chirped, looking up at Ray with the most innocent of smiles. Off to the side, Alex was hiding behind her book with the hopes that no one would notice her giggling like mad.

"You terrify me," the older god said bluntly, glancing at his girlfriend and sighing softly. He then returned his attention to Osiris, who was still staring at him for no reason whatsoever. The thought of shoving him off the couch was extremely tempting, and without giving the little angel on his shoulder much consideration--not that it did much anymore, because the devil had converted it years ago--he did. Then, just to make it all the more satisfying, he kicked Osiris in the ribs. "Why don't you go back to that girly wedding stuff? I'm sure that's preferable to staring at me like I'm some sort of...staring at thing..."

Jordan stumbled past about then, clad in little more than tie-dyed boxers, a ratty white T-shirt, and Spongebob slippers. He was obviously only awake because a certain kitten of his had gone missing, and he'd probably end up passed out at the kitchen table for the next hour or so. Wouldn't be the first time it had happened.

Much to Ray's relief, Osiris curled up once again in Orion's lap which left him free from the grasp of the freakish--and now sulky--god. He then decided it would be best to deal with his girlfriend, because one of the few intact things in her mind had obviously snapped. "Eh...Alex? Are you all right?"

"Good question," she managed, only to collapse against him when more giggles overtook her. He wasn't sure what was scarier; Osiris going out of his way to be as freakish as possible, or Alex and her giggling.

Then again...the teen sounding a bit like a giddy schoolgirl was pretty damn horrifying. It was almost worse than that dark chuckle of hers that were reserved for people in pain...or people who were going to be in pain.

The three men suddenly had their attention directed to the simultaneous cries of surprise coming from the kitchen, followed by Prosper's shrill cry of "who let them near the bloody jell-o again?". There was silence for a few moments...then Ray shook his head and stood up, pulling his girlfriend with him.

"C'mon," he started, pushing her gently towards the hallway. "We're going to see if Rinanto can figure out how to euthanize you...it'd do us all a world of good," he assured her, though she clearly was in no position to object.

A second bout of silence followed as they watched the couple leave and tried to ignore Prosper's swearing.

"So...about England?"