The body bounces off of the front.

My efforts to slam on the brakes have been

Useless.

The wheels grind and squeak,

And everyone pounds on my door,

Wondering why we have stopped.

How can I tell them what I have seen?

And so much later,

I see the remains

Of what was once a teenage boy.

Yet all I can see

Is that moment before the train

Slammed into him.

All I can see,

Is him, standing before me,

Waiting.

Even if I looked at my hands,

Would I see blood there?

Others see nothing.

I see guilt, fear, pain.

I know he knew at that moment

That there was nothing I could do,

And I could not stop.

I know he knew that at that moment,

He was gone; he was lost.

And while others remember,

And try to untangle his mess,

I alone am faced with this single thought.

I alone, who only knows him

As a body flying through the air,

As a school photo on a flier,

I alone saw him that very moment.

I alone saw his face,

As he let his life go.

I alone saw that perverse little smile,

Flickering on his lips,

Just before…

That smile of,

I know.

That smile of,

I want.

That smile of joy.

That smile of relief.

That smile of death.