A Letter For No One

By Nikz99

To you:

Hey.

How are you?

Wait, that’s not the question I should be asking but rather, “Why are you still here?”

I suppose you’d be surprised with my handing you this letter if I’m being oh so sarcastic about it – but really, you shouldn’t be. You called for it anyway. You’re the reason why I stopped doing what I should so that I could write this ridiculously stupid letter, in the hopes of making this clear between us. If there were an ‘us’ that is, but I’ll get into that later.

You introduced yourself to me while we were in class. You told me your name and I told you mine. You smiled at me back then, and that’s when I knew we would have something special. It was one of those moments. Those moments that really meant something to someone like me.

And so we evolved. I was there when you needed someone to confide with, laugh with, cry with… and you were that to me as well. We were friends; “Through thick and thin”, you said. Through sorrow and happiness; through fire and ice; through life and death, we were just that: Friends till the end.

People would come up to you or me asking if “we” were any more than that. They would giggle and tell us how romantic it would be for both of us to fall into each other’s arms. They would sigh and look at us with admiration of our closeness… and yet, wondered we were never really one.

And every time, you would answer: “No. This is as far as it will be.” And I would only smile and nod as those people scampered away. You would take my hand during those questions – and that obviously fueled everyone’s suspicions about us but then you never cared about it. You’d just hold my hand. And I would just let you.

We were friends after all. Why should we be ashamed about something as simple as “hand holding”?

But things changed, and you knew it would. I think you even anticipated it because you knew me too well… you knew too well of how my feelings would be.

You weren’t just a friend to me. You were more than that. More than just the boy who could make me laugh over stupid things that never matter. I had given in to a feeling. I had loved. I loved you. The feelings changed one day… and you knew about it before I could even say it. Your only response to knowing was a shrug that meant to say “it didn’t matter”.

But it did. And all you could offer me was a smile.

I suppose I owe you my cynicism these days. It came when we realized this wasn’t going to work.

We never talked about it. We just agreed without saying. The conversation took place by only looking and touching. Nothing more. And I hate how you know exactly what’s on my mind and I know what’s going on in yours.

So now that you’re away, my heart feels a little less pained. It doesn’t wait up in the dead of the night aching. And I don’t think about the “what-could-have-been” situations that I know now will never ever happen.

I’m not as pathetic as everyone thinks I am anymore. I’ve changed. I’ve grown up.

I’m not wishing for you anymore. I love you, but I am no longer waiting. Actually, I think I stopped waiting when you left without a word. Reality came back to me like a wave when you did and I just wanted to stop caring after that.

We were as inevitable as the first day we met. Love wasn’t in the cards we decided to play with, and I should have known better than to feel the way I did… or do.

I love you. But enough is enough.

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Author’s Notes: I was pretty sad when I made this letter thing. Boy, this is for you.