The Demonic Dentist

A one-act play

By Wilkem18 and a friend

Cast:

Dr. Stender, a dentist

Fred Turner, a patient going to the dentist

Hank Shredded, a UPS man

(scene rises outside dentist office. A UPS man enters office with box of toothbrushes under arm. Goes behind cabinents near receptionist desk and lays them down. Turns to leave and goes back through door. On way out, he meets Fred, who is coming in.)

Fred. (mystified) Are you the UPS man?

Hank. The name’s Hank Shredded.(shakes Fred’s hand and points to nametag) See the nametag?

Fred. I’m Fred. (looks around) Where is your truck and suit?

Hank. (rather annoyed) I delivered a package of medication to a man who is (waves his hand in front of him in a crazy gesture) out there. He freaked out on me and started pelting rocks at my truck. He hit the gasline and my truck blew up and when I leaped from the truck, he ripped my suit with rocks. That’s whats wrong with people in this world, no respect for a UPS man. Why, why? (continues to mumble as he walks away.)

Fred. (walks through door) This is the weirdest day of the year, so far. (sees toy corner) All right, Let’s play. (starts to play with toys)

Dr. Stender. (voice out of picture, as dentist is hiding in x-ray room) Are you a child, Fred? Those toys are for children. You should read a magazine instead.

Fred. (jittery motions, he walks across room and sits down in chair. He picks up the latest issue of a magazine)

Dr. Stender. (still out of picture) You may come back here now, Fred.

Fred. (stands up and walks towards back of office) Here we go. (walks two steps past x-ray room, when suddenly, Dr. Stender leaps out)

Dr. Stender. (jumps out) Ahhhhhh!

Fred. (scared) Ahhhhhh!

Dr. Stender. (patting Fred on back) Sorry, Fred. Just needed a good laugh. It can get rather dull in here sometimes.

Fred. OK, I guess. How’s it going, doc?

Dr. Stender. Fine, my boy, just fine. Let’s get you back there and check out the damage.

Fred. I’m hoping there is not that much damage, doc.

Dr. Stender. It’s doctor to you, Frederick. I hear you chipped your tooth on a frozen walnut. What possesed you to eat a frozen walnut?

Fred. I was hungry, sir.

Dr. Stender. Next time, have toasted cheese! (says toasted cheese in a rather high voice)

Fred. Toasted cheese? (awkward pause) Why was I here again?

Dr. Stender. (scratches head) I don’t know. (both turn to go different directions, Fred towards door, dentist towards back) Wait, I remember. You had an appointment. Let’s get at it.

(Dentist leads Fred to the chair. Fred lies down. Dentist looks confusingly at Fred.)

Dr. Stender. You’ve got to open your mouth, Fred.

Fred. Oh, yeah, I forgot. (opens mouth)

Dr. Stender. Well, there’s the tooth we are looking for. (says while looking in mouth. clock strikes noon.) Ah, it is time for lunch. Sorry, Fred. You’ll have to wait while I eat my lunch.

Fred. Can I close my mouth, then while you eat?

Dr. Stender. Yes, Fred. You can. (Hank enters) Ah, Mr. Shredded, I am happy to see you.

Hank. Hello Dr. Stender. How are you today?

Dr. Stender. I am fine, Hank. You are here to deliver something, I take it?

Hank. Yes, I am. (pulls package from behind his back) Here is your complimentary lunch from Wilke’s, Doctor.

Dr. Stender. Why thank you, Hank.(takes package and sets it down on table next to chair. Hank turns to leave.)

Hank. Your welcome, doctor. (to Fred) Stay out of trouble. (Hank leaves)

Dr. Stender. (opening package) All right, It is my favorite: Toasted Cheese. (He gobbles up the sandwich quite quickly.)

Fred. How was it?

Dr. Stender. It was good Fred, very good. (groans and hides his face as he begins to transform. choking sounds optional)

Fred. (slightly concerned voice) Are you all right, sir?

Dr. Stender. (slightly evil voice) I’m fine Fred. (evil laugh) Just fine.

Fred. Are you sure? (fred sits up as if to leave) I can come back later when you feel better.

Dr. Stender. No! (He pushes Fred back down onto the chair rather hard) We are doing this now, Fred. (prepares a tool) Hold still Fred, this might hurt just a little bit. (yanks tooth from mouth)

Fred. (painfully) Owwwwwwwww!

Dr. Stender. Oops, this appears to be the wrong tooth. No problem, though. We can just stick it back in there. (picks up a hammer and pliers from table) Don’t move. We don’t want this tooth to just lodge in somewhere where it doesn’t belong. (begins to tap tooth back into place)

Fred. Owwww! Owww! Owwwwwww! (jumps up to leave and runs into Hank who has reenetered with a water bottle)

Hank. (relaxing tone) Easy, Fred. What’s the rush, and why is that one tooth hanging down lower than the rest of your teeth?

Dr. Stender. We had a little problem that I am trying to fix.(looks rather agitated) I pulled the wrong tooth and am trying to tap it back in. Fred jumped up before I could finish.

Hank. (shaking his head in confusion) Well ,I am only here because I forgot to deliver this waterbottle with your lunch. I’m sorry that I forgot it.

Dr. Stender. It’s ok, Hank. I was not thirsty yet anyway.(Hank leaves) Now Fred, if you will kindly return to the chair, we can finish up with this. (Fred returns to chair)

Fred. Does it have to be so painfiul, sir. Can’t you give me a shot of something?

Dr. Stender. I am afraid not, Fred. I am fresh out of Novocaine. Now where were we? Oh yes. (he continues to tap back the tooth)

Fred. (screams) OWWWWWWWWW! (leaps from chair, but is pushed back down into it and tied down by Dr. Stender. In a mad rage, Fred breaks the bonds that hold him, but then trips over them when the lights go out.) I must escape from here now. So what if I have a chipped tooth for the rest of my life?

Dr. Stender. (drill sound) Fred. (lights come on, drill sound again, only a bit louder) Fred. (begins to hypnotize Fred with the drill) You don’t want to leave, Fred. You want to sit down and continue your appointment.

Fred. (hypnotized) Whyyyyyyy?

Dr. Stender. Can’t you tell that all of this is so illogical that it is logical?

Fred. (begins to walk towards chair) Ok, I’ll finish this. (he is about to sit down when he suddenly snaps out of his trance and sees Dr. Stender with his drill poised) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

(scene changes to a calm dentist office where Fred appears to be sleeping in the chair. Dr. Stender approaches just as Fred awakens)

Fred. Ahhhhhhhh!

Dr. Stender. Fred, calm down. (rather confused and questionable tone) What’s the matter? Your appointment is over, see. Here’s your tooth, you are free to go.

The End!