Disturbed Indulges

I stare unblinking at the door, that was the last thing you touched,

My mind still processing the fact that you’re leaving and such,

My hands are shaking and my nails are digging into my skin,

I was having a breakdown again.

The only difference is I’ll stumble around blind in this home,

Collapse into a seizing and pitiful heap alone,

No one to hold my hand through my horrible fight,

And no arms to hold me at night.

So I have pushed you away again it seems,

Just like in my dreams, of lies and screams, ( I hear your pleas)

My accusations of infidelity I still care, (about)

Me smearing your blood along the walls in my nightmares.

But still I can feel my blood dripping and escaping this cut,

My last reminder of you left behind,

Frozen hands on a clock can save a life, (but the hands are going so fast)

Does this mean I’ll die this time?

My tears are falling down to the floor,

And I find myself regretting more,

From the times I’ve laid with another man, (if I thought of only him…)

Perhaps then I could just get the sight of your blood of my hands,

I’ve made late night calls to him, crying for his arms,

While you secretly stayed up, my distress was like an alarm ( for you to wake up and try to save me for once…)

While I ate dinners with you and fell asleep against your chest, dreaming…

I hear your heart beating, I close my eyes and try to sleep ( I wonder if I ran away if you would love me any less…)

For not ramming my fingers in your pretty blue eyes,

And here your lies echoing in my head, I’d watch you die,

I can sat I’m ashamed of myself,

I purposely shunned away your help,

And yet your voice remains echoing on the walls,

I cover my ears at you desperate calls.

But still I can my blood dripping and escaping from this out,

My last reminder of you left behind,

Frozen hands on the clock can save a life, (but the hands are going so fast)

Does this mean I’ll die this time?

My eyes are heavy with fatigue,

And you still haunt me in my sleep,

My disturb confession of eternal reminiscing,

My broken heart is missing….