Lose You Illusions

I am so so happy! Someone loves me and they aren’t even family. He is the best most sophisticated person I have ever met and he says he loves me. Nobody has ever said that to me before in my life. Well no boy has ever said that to me before. And he doesn’t even care that I am younger than him. He is 18 and doesn’t mind a bit that I am only 14. He says age doesn’t matter when you love someone and I totally agree. The only problem is that he lives in a different city. But he has his own car and when I am ready he will come and see me. I wanted to scream that I was ready right that minute that I wanted to see him right then but that would make me sound too needy. I have to be mature about this otherwise he will think I am just a little kid not worth bothering about. So I thought about what Jade would do now. She is an expert on boys. After all half the guys in school are after her and I know why. She is so elegant and thin like a willow. And she has a little heart shaped face with big brown eyes framed with thick glorious lashes. She is so beautiful it makes me ache to look at her. When I am with her no one looks twice at me. Who am I kidding? No one would look twice at me with or without her. The only double take I get is when guys can’t believe someone like her is hanging around with someone like me. And to be honest I can see what they mean. I am not gloriously thin and beautiful. I am fat and round. Jade says I'm curvy but I know she is just being nice. I am not really fat like poor Sandy Shaw who cant even go up a flight of stairs without puffing and out of breath. But I am not thin which I long to be. My face isn’t small either; its quite big and all my features don’t sit right. Everything is too small for my face. The only thing I do like is that I am quite tall. Easily the tallest girl in our year. Johnny says I look older than 14 and that I’m beautiful. He is so sweet. He looks like a film star and I’m sure he has lots of girls wanting to be his girlfriend but he chose me. It makes me feel warm and tingly inside and I want to shout out to the world that I am in love but he says since it is early days I am not to tell anyone. I think it is because he is older than me he says he could get into trouble. I don’t want to lose him so I have not told anyone about him at all. Not my parents not even Jade and we tell each other everything. I know if I told my parents they would flip because they think I am growing up too fast but I am not mature enough. Huh Johnny says I am the most intelligent person he has ever met. I am nearly always top of the class at school, which just proves that I am smart. I will show everyone who thinks I’m thick. I have a boyfriend and I will keep him secret. It’s so nice to have a secret especially a secret like Johnny.