The feeling of being lost, being alone.
It’s killing, me and everyone.
Nobody says so but in fact it is.
Being alone will not be bad
If you’re not lonely either.
But loneliness sneaks up on us all
It interferes in your life
And makes all beauty turn to dust.
It makes you feel like nothing is enough
Like all that you’ve been through meant nothing.
What does it mean to be truly lonely?
Look at the girl with the large group of friends
The one with the sad eyes, standing in the middle
Getting attention, but never friendship
Getting lust, but never love
Getting everything but never a life

Tears spilled down onto the page as Cindy write the words written in her soul. The girl with the sad eyes who was little miss popular, it used to be her. Never did she appreciate it. She hated to be in that spot, simply because it all was fake. Nobody loved her there, nobody cared. All they wanted was the reputation she had build up for herself. Not a person cared for the heartache and tears that reputation cost her. Would the pain ever stop? Would it only resolve in dead? Death was not her thing, she did not wish to go there, but right now life had nothing in it for her. She didn’t know what to do anymore. Every little bit of her body hurt and it did not seem to be ending anytime soon. She closed her notebook and packed her schoolbag, readying herself for another day in high school hell. The words written on the front of her bag seeped through her. Tearing at her soul and making tears glisten in her eyes. Cinderella.

Cinderella wont be so bad right about now, she thought to herself. At least she had a happy ending. Cindy’s ending did not look to be so happy in the end. Up to now things were simply dark and gloomy. Never did it change. Life had not been very good even though everybody thought it had been.
Many wanted her life to live and Cindy wanted nothing more then to trade with them. The simplicity of their lives. The realness. Sure it would not be perfect, every life has it’s ups and downs. But her ups were pretty rare. Either she was going to have a wonderful future if all the ups had spared themselves or she would just never experience that many upsides of life.
And the world thought Cinderella had it bad.
At least she found her prince...and got to keep him.

For Cindy love was never there to stay. It would stick it’s pretty head up and make her feel all happy and perfect, only to turn on her in times of need and leaving her empty handed.
Love had found it’s way e few times but never did it stick and Cindy thought it never would.
That was until HE came into her life. Tall, dark and handsome. He stole her heart at the first sight and she took his, to have and to hold. Never did she intend to let it go.
But fate did not agree and took her love away.
Not to college from which he would return in the end, not to a different state, from which he could write and call...no from the sight of the earth. Fate took his life, leaving her behind with a broken heart and a lost soul. Her soul could not find it’s way back it seemed. She was lost ever since.

Had he been her mister perfect? Her prince charming? Her knight in shining armour? Her one and only? Would she ever get over him? And maybe even more importantly, was he all she would ever receive? Was there more for her in life, or would this be it? That one year of happiness she experienced with him, would that be all she’d ever get? She had no clue and she had no intention of finding out right now as she laid on her bed, to tired to get up and walk down where her friend was waiting to drive her to school. Her friend would understand, she always did. Her friend would go to school, telling the principal Cindy was ill and would not be coming today. The principal would look at her sceptical but say nothing of it, understanding as well why the girl did not leave her house today. But someday she would have to come out, right? There’d come a time when she would be needed outside her house, where she would need to leave the safety of her room.
But, Cindy decided, that day would not be today!

She dropped her bag to the floor and called to her friend to go without her, letting her tears once again flow freely not bothering to wipe them away. She wondered where the tears kept coming from, she assumed they would run dry at some point but for the last few months all she had done was sleep and cry. Mostly even crying in her sleep. Then she would relive the day HE was taken from her. She would scream and cry, wondering why she wasn’t taken as well, until her parents would wake her up and try to calm her. Something which rarely worked.
She heard the car of her friend drive off and let her eyes droop, she’d go to school tomorrow. At least she told herself, if she was feeling up to it. Giving herself an excuse before she even needed one.

Dreams consumed her once again, but this time it was not the accident. It was the funeral she was reliving. Again tears were pouring down her cheeks as she looked around her at all the crying faces. His mother and father, both besides themselves in sadness. Then his little brother, still not quite believing he had now been promoted to eldest child. A role he did not want to take on. A role he should not have to take on at such a young age. Next to the boy was a little girl. His sister. Only six years old and already dealing with such a huge loss. In the eyes of Cindy, the greatest loss of all. Behind his family she looked at the faces of other relatives, all looking with disbelieve at the coffin that was being carried by the boys who had been in his football team. His best friends who were crying their eyes out over the loss of their keeper. Then Cindy turned a little sideways. Finding her own parents beside her, looking worried about their only daughter, who was in such pain. Then her brother and his wife, who had crossed the country to support his little sister through thick and thin just like he always had done. Then behind her family were the friends that he had had. All with tearstained faces and to afraid to look Cindy in the eye.

Cindy woke up later that day shocked to be looking into eyes of a deep oceans blue. His eyes. Or so she thought for only a fraction of a second. Enough to make her lose her cool. The owner of the eyes wrapped his arms around her. It was his little brother. There to comfort her when it should have been her to be there for him. She always promised to take care of his family if anything happened. And yet here she was being little help to ease the pain of anyone. Gently the younger boy shushed the girl in his arms and moved her towards the bathroom. He washed her face and telling her to come down and eat again. She had not been eating properly ever since her lover died. She needed to be strong for him, the boy told her. She needed to be strong for the little child inside her belly. The little kid that would be born in a few months time. The only thing they would have to remember it’s father by. Slowly but surely she caved and let him escort her down, as he promised to always be there for her. She believed him, she knew he would never fail her. But still the tears could not stop from falling. She was broken with no hope of ever repairing herself.

The boy now all grown up and even having grandchildren looked at the woman before him. Ninety-eight years old and senile, she was reliving the months where his brother died over and over again. He sat her down in a comfy chair as he readied himself for the tough job of feeding her. Knowing that by now she deserved for her life to end. She had never completely healed form the pain of losing true love, but always hid this perfectly from the outside world. When her daughter was born she vowed to never let her have any heartache and she vowed to never find her a replacement for a father. She had two wonderful uncle’s and two aunts on top of that. She needed nothing more. Her daughter, Alexandra, named after her father Alexander, was later named Cinderella. A nickname she wore proudly, simply because she received the name for her happy ending. Even without a father in her life she turned out pretty well. But she never knew how to help her mother heal. Her mother who was lost inside her own little world. Her own little world full of horrors and pain. She hoped time would soon come that fate took her away, so she could finally be freed of the life she had been living.
Freed from the tears and pain, freed from her broken heart. And reunited with her soul, that had been death for quite a long time now.

That night, their prayers were answered as Cindy finally breathed her last breath and reunited herself with the man she had pined for her entire life, finally she would be happy again.