I feel… broken. Love sucks ass!

So. I like to write when I'm upset; therefore you are forced to read my crappy angst-filled hopefulness! How pathetic am I?

x x x

Teardrops

When I first met Kevin, I had hated him with the utmost passion I could conjure up. When I looked at him, my heart would swell with that familiar, 'I wish I could watch you bleed' feeling, and I would only narrow my eyes and glare. He seemed so innocent, and passionate. In short, he was perfect and I wasn't. Therefore, I was jealous as hell that this new boy was getting more attention than me. The girls along with some boys were cooing over how cute he was, how he still had the baby fat in his cheeks. He had the most innocent blue eyes I've ever seen in my life, with his dusty blonde hair falling over them.

What about me, though? People were usually swarming me, giving me the attention. Sadly, that's what I lived off of: their attention, telling me how good I looked with my perfect stomach and toned chest. Everyone throwing themselves at my feet, doing anything I asked. I had everyone wrapped around my finger until he came along, he didn't even like the attention, and it was easy to tell. He was always fidgeting and blushing, telling everyone that he needed to be somewhere. That's how we first came in contact.

I called him a liar, much to the student body's horror. His pretty little blue eyes widened about half their size and he shook his head slowly, obviously trying to comprehend why someone he didn't even know would call him a liar. So, of course me being the cocky ass I am, crossed my arms over my chest and smirked. He'd ended up turning and running away much to my horror. I hadn't meant to upset him that much; I was only trying to get my popularity back.

That obviously hadn't worked. Some of the girls glared at me, one even fucking kicked me in the shin and called me a 'self-centered jerk'. Me? A self-centered jerk? Yeah, I looked at her like she was crazy too. So, I did the next best thing. Well, I hoped so, because if I didn't get some of my people back quick, I was going to die from lack of flattery. Anyway, I ran after the kid, looking around frantically for this fucking whiney ass baby. I ended up finding him in the bathroom, back pressed against the wall and knees to his chest.

"I'm sorry." I'd muttered softly, because apologies just aren't my thing. Personally, I thought he should've been the one apologizing to me. Me the poor compliment deprive little boy. He hadn't said anything at first, until I slid down the wall and sat beside him on the more-than-disgusting floor. It was the boy's bathroom, after all.

"Thank-you…" His voice was just as I would have imagined it. It was soft and sweet, and it fit his baby-like features perfectly. "Thank-you, thank-you." He repeated, voice getting a bit louder, but staying just as sweet. Suddenly, I was confused though. Why was he thanking me? All I had done was embarrass him.

Without any warning at all, this baby-faced boy threw himself into my lap and wrapped his arms around my neck, hugging me close. A steady blush rose over my cheeks, and I gently wrapped my arms around his small waist. "Kevin?" He didn't day anything, only held me closer. I was just a little bit more than freaked out. "Kevin?" I repeated.

"You're the only one who's ever seen through me. People think I like this stupid attention, and you know I don't." When he'd finally spoken, I was a little shocked. I mean, of course he was right, I'd doubted that he liked it from the beginning and all, but I hadn't expected this. "They think I'm cute, but they don't understand," and suddenly he was crying. "I don't want to be cute, Mat. I don't want to be judged by my looks like I always am. I think you're the only one in this stupid school who didn't come up to me and tell me how cute I was because I have fat cheeks! I don't want to be fat!"

"Hey," I said, "look at me." When he finally raised his blue eyes to meet mine, I brushed away his tears and he blushed. "First of all, you're far from fat and your cheeks," I reached up and pinched one with a grin, "are cute. Very cute. Fucking cute." Then, of course, I reached down and ravaged his bum. "Those cheeks are too." His face was flaming by this time, of course, because he was the shy type after all. "Tell those people that you don't like the 'stupid attention', and if they don't leave you alone, just tell me, 'kay?" Why was I looking after this attention-stealing kid, you may ask? I felt sorry for him more than I did myself.

x x x

So, soon after that, he got a girlfriend and we became the best of friend's you could possibly imagine. He came to me with his problems and I went to him. When something bad happened, I forced ice cream down his throat and we watched stupid movies together until he finally told me what was wrong.

Well, one particular day that I was feeling sorry for myself, he came to me to talk about Anna, his girlfriend. Oh and what a bitch she is… she takes him away from me all the time! He never sees me anymore and I'm dying. Honestly, I really am. Before I needed the attention of all kinds of different people, but now it's just limited to him. He's the attention I need.

So, when the knock came to the door and I saw him standing there I nearly squealed. Two weeks without him so far, because of her. He pressed his slender body to mine and wrapped his arms around me in a loose, friendly sort of hug. I closed my eyes briefly, taking in his scent.

"Hey, can I talk to you, Mat?" He asked softly as we parted and I nodded, leading him up the stairs into my room. I shut the door and watch him lay down on my bed and motion for me to lie beside him. So, of course, I comply and carefully lie down beside him, and he immediately snuggles into my chest.

I love him.

"I love her, Mat."