A tingling inclination, to just close my eyes is overwhelming

Perhaps, if I did – if I could lie to myself, I’d think you weren’t leaving me

But sadly, I’m not that delusional. Nor am I that stupid.

So I merely get to sit here, knowing that when I wake tomorrow

My bed will be as empty as always, but yours will be too

Oh, how I crave to sleep under those sheets

The dreams would be better there, I have no doubt

And I’d be safe from the hurt and the antagonism that some existences still inflict

But those sheets… Those sloppy, fulfilling, warm, perfect sheets that tell me I’m home…

They remain empty.

And I’m beginning my count…

7 days.

A pencil across a notebook, but no motivation behind it

No feelings except terror, jealousy, and isolation to sketch out

If I were to draw you my soul on paper it would be drawn in blood

But I can’t bleed that way – it’s forbidden in every way

So I sit alone, wondering if those harbored feelings will get the best of you

And I’ll become what I should be: something of the past

I’ll smile on the outside, but the decay on the in won’t change

My own purification is inevitable

Cold, alone, slowly withering, but I smile and wait for you

I broke my wings and all I have is memories of my own flights

All light and colour fades to me

Sleep only brings a ground for me to fall to

I only have myself to trust and only me to blame

If I embrace myself I’ll be strong enough not to fail all my promises

Holding on, the count down continues…

6 days.

Ghosts, I confess to them, and in them I confide

But only to those I wish too have cast out of my life

What a masochist, I’m asking for the pain, for him to hurt me again

And yet, even though I know this I’ll do it anyway

I’ve always loved to watch myself fall and shatter

So close your eyes darling, and get ready to pick up those bloody pieces

The day drags on forever, but there’s some sun peeking through

And the hail and rain is gone, the warmth returning

But I… I’ll still sit here, and wait for you to come home

All the while carving more scars into my heart

And memories into my mind

Because one day I know… You’re going to be the one that saves me

Still smiling, another one gone…

5 days.

Even if I have to walk through these shadows alone

I know it won’t be long before you’ll take my hand and walk with me

And I’ll close my eyes, and know everything’s all right

But the most important thing for me to keep doing

Is make sure that he can’t touch me, that no one can touch me, so they can’t hurt me

And realize that nothing can fly on its own; it’s sad but true

No bird would know the sky if God hadn’t given it wings

Just like I wouldn’t have known what love was if you hadn’t tore down my walls

And when you’re back in my arms, the light will stop blinding me

The storm clouds will gather again, and you and I will continue even stronger

And we’ll forget the comfort those who claimed they loved us gave and all our scars

You and I will become the only two shadows in the black with only each other for comfort

But there will be no despair in my heart

For I know that we’ll bask in the salvation of the radiance that the sun overlooked

And the moon welcomed into her arms and her heart

It is there, we will form our love into our own stars that will shine just for us

We’ll fade from their lives, into an existence all our own

And then, I will have no tears to cry

Tonight, I’m burying myself in my own colors and tears and still counting…

4 days.

Day seems to last forever, and I don’t care about anything

As long as I have everything ready…

But you’re coming come early, and I’m in heaven

Only a few days left and I’m in over my head

Let’s just hope I’m sane after this.

Flustered and counting…

2 days.

Worry vexed the blood in my veins again,

A car makes a wonderful tomb for its crushed contents

A fate that I wish you not come to, for the very life of me

If it were you fail and you pass it would be equivalence –

A life for a life –

You for me –

Ashes to ashes we all fall down

Nails bitten to the numb and counting…

1 day.

Home, home that wonderful word and a slip of the tongue

But she loves me, and loves me not, a lie for us to cover

Beautiful in all lights to me visible and unknown

A halo – blond as I shall ever know – adorns her, as always

Angels fall to the ear and shatter in paradox confusion –

Their pieces scattered and few, but gather them and cherish

That is what of lovers are made, I have seen it; therefore I know

A queen of hearts and bandit of the lovelies all the same

Snatched from the bosoms of the young, Cupid’s true aim

The trip, the stumble, the downward plunge, and the ambrosia that is amour

In all my days all I’ve ever known, is her and her heart

And mine singing nightingales that cry from opposite ends of night

One day, that hand will find mine, and the soul completed

And home she truly shall be.

Relived and turned out…

She’s home.