“Possible side effects of medication: numbness and itching.”

I took the pills anyway because my migraines had reached such intensities that I could not stand up and had hallucinations. After I felt a sweet cessation of pain, I decided to celebrate, so I went to see that new horror/comedy movie, Slither.

It wasn’t until the credits began to roll that I thought, “How can something make you numb and itchy at the same time?”

When the movie commenced, my face itched! It started as invisible caterpillars gyrating on my nose. I scratched it, raking my long fingernails through it.

Then the air conditioner broke, and the theater heated up. I peeled off layers of clothing until I sat in a tank top, sweating. The itch spread to my cheeks, chin, and forehead. So did the moisture.

I could barely take in the movie. While others screamed or laughed, I scratched. It felt positively bestial, making me grunt and moan, scrabbling at my skin.

My fingers and face grew wet and slippery with perspiration. The man sitting next to me let out a shriek.

“Yes, yes, I know, it’s a well-crafted film,” I snapped. “No need to go all high-pitched into my ear.”

He swiftly exited the theater, quivering. Such people annoyed me, because I thought if someone was squeamish, they shouldn’t come watch such movies in the first place.

Eventually, I couldn’t bear the heat or irritation any longer. I stood and walked out to find a bathroom where I could splash on some cold water.

People in the aisles screamed too. Geez, wimps composed the whole audience! It wasn’t even that scary a scene.

I went to the ladies’ room and scrubbed my face with my eyes closed. Ahh, refreshing water. I opened my eyes…

The sink was full of red.

I looked up at the mirror.

I had scratched my face off.