I was that girl

the one who always changed the subject

when weekend plans arose

who held a cross to the question

“What did you do?”

That dreaded “n” word

stuttering on the tip of my tongue

lonely Friday nights

blank eyes turned out the window

tears filling red rimmed eyes

splashing patterns on my jeans

“What’s wrong with me?”

you called me a nerd

how could you have known

that a weakness in your eyes

is my greatest strength

my excuse, my savior

if I am this I cannot be that

“I’m a nerd that’s why I have no life”

I am a writer, starving in all it’s reflections

The tears on the keyboard are from staring at the screen too long

I don’t talk because really I’m a genius

You won’t understand what I say anyway

I’m home because I want to be

and you wonder how I can lie so easily

practice makes perfect sweetie

my mom thinks I’m sleeping

while in reality I’m bleeding

figuratively of course . . .for now

but my eyes are peeling

my heart is overflowing to the point of breaking

my school is cold, it’s winter

“who would notice?”

A small red streak here won’t kill me

I can almost see the ghosts

disappearing on metallic waves

“Why won’t the phone ring”

maybe I really can’t survive this thing?

I’ll be old lady who swallowed a fly

because of course that means I die

and could anything be more beautiful?

I complained, you heard me

you words sounded comforting

comforting lies

“It’s okay, I don’t have a life either.”

Really? I couldn’t tell with all your friends surrounding you

“All we do and sit around and talk.”

All I do is sit around and cry

shut up, you don’t understand

I live in a box

it’s glass, look you can see me

it must also be soundproof

cause it seems no one can hear me

I’m shouting, I’m nearly hoarse

That’s it, I’ve had it

You had your chance