Explanations

April 4, 2007

I wish I could express in words

Everything I need to say

My mind won’t do what I want

My thoughts have all gone astray

I’ve gone over a million things

That I need to tell you

To explain how I feel

To voice how afraid I am too

But when I go to say them

To tell you everything

I freeze up and the thoughts flee

My shame of the situation stings

I had a breakdown today

Of all places, in class

Even my teachers are worried about me

It’s all such a mess

If I wouldn’t be so selfish

If I wouldn’t expect so much

Then I wouldn’t get so angry and hurt

Because of these stupid issues and such

It’s no secret that I’m protective

I worry excessively, I know

A character flaw of mine

I can’t seem to leave it behind, so

Forgive me for my introversion

My selfishness, my worry

We’re back where we always end up

With me feeling horrible and saying I’m sorry

I’m sorry I’m not perfect

I’m sorry I can’t be the best friend

Nobody is, but I just wish

You’ll be there until the very end

I hate it when we fight

When we bicker and argue

But what hurts the most:

When I don’t talk to you

You’re part of my lifeline

A friend who is there for me

One that gives me a reason

To wake up in the morning with glee

There’s no doubt I’ll miss you next year

Graduation is mere days away

And it’s the last thing I want to think about

With still so much I need to say

I’m not lying when I tell you

That when I see you in the morning

Or when you walk into a room

My day brightens and is no longer storming

I just like knowing you’re there

Somewhere close by

In case my mind starts getting the best of me

And I need a shoulder on which to cry

Still though, it’s amazing

How much I’m still able to fool you

At times I can’t help but show how I feel

But sometimes you don’t have a clue

Just because I smile and laugh

And carry on a conversation like it’s nothing

Doesn’t mean I’m getting better

There is always something

And the reason I don’t talk to you sometimes

Is not because I don’t want to

The words just don’t come out

I’m scared of the reaction from you

Frightened that if you know the truth

It’ll scare you away

Make you not want to be around me

That is what I’m most afraid

I cherish my time with you

Never take one moment for granted

I know how quickly things can change

And how easy it is to feel stranded

With nowhere to go

And no one to run to

I’ll miss you when you leave

I hate how fast the time flew

So that is what I wanted to say

To ask for your forgiveness this time

I’m sorry for everything and I didn’t know

How else to tell you except with this rhyme.