A MIDLIFE CRISIS CAN COME IN MANY FORMS…

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My Lord, Prince Farlin, is the ruler of the universe and everything. He has a castle that is so amazingly huge, that it’s its own planet, floating out there in a large, plastic atmosphere. You may ask why the thing is trapped within a plastic sphere. The answer is: because without it to hold in the oxygen and make morel, everyone inside would die, myself included. DO NOT USE THAT AGAINST ME! Another thing you may ask, is why would Prince Farlin want such a large castle? I have no idea.

My Lord is around six feet tall with get black hair. Sometimes he puts dyed stripes in it, but lately it has been plain old black. Usually he dresses in blue and gold robes. But the thing that is most beautiful of him, the thing that is even more beautiful than the fact that any woman would fall in love with him because of his perfectness, the most beautiful thing about My Lord Prince Farlin is . . . his crown.

His crown is so large that he had to super glue it to a baseball cap to keep it from slipping over his head and going down onto his neck. It is HUGE and depending on the weather will change from silver to gold by itself. It has many different gems, in fact it has so many that I am not going to try to describe it.

Anyway, onto my meaning in life.

It all started one summer’s day when thhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

king was in the counting room counting out his money,

the maid was in the kitchen making bread and honey,

and I was in the garden, picking out a rose,

when along came a blackbird and—

I BLEW IT’S FRICKIN HEAD OFF! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Ahem. Onwards!

I did not know of this, but this is how I was told of it. Prince Farlin was up in his room, waking up late as usual and was going to get dressed. He dropped his sleeping robe to the floor and took a shower. Coming out, he tripped over a toy duck that someone had left in his room and went sprawling across the room only to crash into the dresser and open the drawers, sending tons of blackbirds flying around the room. Damn blackbirds.

In the end he got his undershirt on and was opening another drawer to put on his underpants. Today was Friday, which meant the laundry had been done and his favorite pair of boxers was clean and ready to wear. Everyone in the castle knew this. In fact, My Lord had executed several maids because they didn’t have his underwear clean by Friday.

There was one problem. The underwear, or more pacifically boxers, were no where to be seen. He searched all of the drawers in his room, and then the laundry baskets and washers. He sent all of his maids and servants on a search throughout the three-mile long by six-mile wide castle for them.

Even though the search lasted a good part of the week, they were no where to be found.

That’s when I was called up. I have a nice little house in one of the back courtyards of the castle, and a messenger arrived a few weeks later with a message for me. Of course that was what he had for me, he IS a messenger after all.

“Our Lord Prince Farlin is having his midlife crisis.” He said, reading off of a note he held in his hand. He was about three feet tall, his skin red, with a little bit of pink hair on his egg shaped head. He wore glasses, had large pointy ears, and a nose to put Santa Claus to shame.

"Uh," I began. "Isn't he seventeen or something? Not really fit for a midlife crisis."

He continued on as though he hadn't heard me. I guess that was his job--deliver the message and go home, eh? “He is refusing to leave his quarters until you carry out your next mission.” He bowed to me and guestured to one of the horses waiting outside my cabin. “Please, hurry.”

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I soon found my way to My Lord’s chambers. Actually, I don’t think that ‘soon’ would begin to describe it. In fact, let me rephrase that.

In about three hours I found my way to My Lord’s chambers. The large door was bolted shut, so after falling down when I tried to open it I decided to knock. I heard a click and the door swung open to reveal the Prince in bed with the sheets pulled up over him.

He was pouting.

You could always tell when Prince Farlin of The Floating Plastic Bubble was pouting.

“Yes, My Lord?” I asked timidly. It wasn’t always a good idea to mess with him when he was in this mood.

“Shitake,” He said. He always called me Shitake. I have no idea why. My name was Amanda. “As you are probably already aware of, I am entering my midlife crisis. And if you don’t, then you are ignorant. Everyone else has in the castle has known for a few weeks.”

“What is it that ails you, My Lord?” I asked, still a little frightened.

“Shitake,” he looked out the window at the blackbirds that were harrassing people in the gardens and packing away their noses. “What the hell is with the blackbirds?”

“I don’t know, My Lord,” I said, relaxing a little bit. Maybe all he wanted me to do was destroy the damn birds and . . .

“But that isn’t my point,” he said, turning back to me as he did so. “My point is to inform you of your purpose in life. I am the ruler of everything, am I not? I know these things.”

“I know that, My Lord.”

“DON’T BE SO DAMN SMUG ABOUT IT!” I hated it when he got into this kind of mood. He was impossible to deal with. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be married to him and have to deal with this kind of behavior. “You mission is to find my favorite pair of boxers. You know the ones, right? That are clean every Friday?”

“Yes, My Lord,” I knew the pair. They were the pink ones with little teddy bears on them. I tried not to laugh about it, that would have been death. “Hee hee.” CRAP.

“What was that?” He asked through gritted teeth, glaring at me. Boy, if looks could kill . . .

“Oh,” I said, snapping my head back to look at him. I wanted him to think that I had been looking out the window. “Nothing much, My Lord, just those birds out there.”

“Hmm.” He obviously didn’t buy my story. Damn. “Well,” PHEW. “I need you to hunt down those boxers. They have been stolen. They aren’t anywhere in the castle, so therefore I think that they have been taken to another planet. A ship has been prepared for you, so you may go and find them. You can do this however you want, as long as you get them back to me. I shall remain in here until I have them.”

Boy. He sure is spoiled, ain’t he?

“Yes, My Lord,” I said, backing out of the room. Man, do I EVER get tired of saying that. And backing out of rooms. Really gets on my nerves. Oh well. That’s life.

I went to my cabin to gather my things before heading to the space docks to board the ship.

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There you have it. My purpose in life is to find Prince Farlin’s favorite pair of boxers. Oh boy.

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At least I got a cool ship now.

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A/N: So…let me know your ideas on what happens next!