Breathe in...

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Silence
Breathe in –

If all eternity stopped, it would be because you were there
In front of me smiling – unwavering.
If I could feel at all – a degree of warmth, a speck of fulfillment
It would be because you were there, holding my hand.

But all reality shapes to truth, and reels roll off the film.
For no matter how many times I shut these eyes –
I could never bring you back.
For every time I open these eyes, I am confronted with the same
Unflinching, undying passionless void –
Of being here, in the this world - alone
Without you
In love with you.

But why is it – why is it – why is it – that I hold on!
That I grasp harder with every passing second!
That I cry - I cry in torment
But never lose hope!
Why – Why!
Why is it that I deny myself forgiveness!
Happiness!
Redemption!

Is it because reality is just far too painful?
Is it because I will never feel your touch?
See your smile, feel your breath, hear your voice, feel your weight against mine?
Is it because this is the last, cherished memory I have?
Because I fail to believe that whatever god there is, he is cruel –
That you had to leave me, that you had to leave this world -
Without a kiss, without a word… that these tears are all I have left.
That truth is more than just hope, that memories are more empty frames?

Because if it were just hope –
If it were all just a memory made into imagination –
If it were all that simple
Then why is it that each time I shut my eyes

You’re not there. Someone else is…

Silence
Breathe out -