this is ending up longer than I thought it would be.

IV.
"There will never be a place for me in heaven."

They were in Lisbon, Portugal, when Cadence said it. He rolled his eyes upwards, towards the angels he didn't see above them. The angels that were nothing more than a dim sparkle in the afternoon sky, to him, and to Eric, everything.

"I'm not like them," he continued, and Eric put his book down slowly, watching his brother's face with a quiet, ashen stare.

"Cadence–" he began, but realized soon after that he could say nothing, that there were no words strong enough to reverse the strange flutter he felt rising in his chest.

Cadence said thoughtfully, slowly, "I don't see things... the way you do, Eric. I... I wish, sometimes, that I could be more like you. I wish I could look to the clouds and see the greatness there. I want to be an–" Cadence couldn't utter the word. He sighed, shrugging, chewing on a blade of grass. "I wish I could... I wish I felt awe in those places.

Eric knew what his twin was talking of. How long ago had it been that they had stepped out of the dim lighting of the Jéronimos monastery and wandered here, to the Jardim Botanico, where now they sat with novels in their laps and their backs pressed against the trunk of a great tree? Eric peered towards the bright sun, and breathed in the crisp air, leaning backwards to rest his head against the tree. He closed his eyes against the harsh light and listened to his brother's words.

"There's a better me, you know," Cadence added casually, too casually. "I want to become... That better me. My mirror image. I want to reverse myself... But I don't think it can be done."

Eric sat up straighter and looked into his twin's face. He felt his mouth set in a grim line.

"Have you ever heard of Narcissus, Cadence? Trying to reach the beautiful face in the water, he drowned."

"Is that what's happening? You think I'm drowning in myself?" Cadence's voice was bitter, suddenly. His words sounded like winter static "You're wrong. It's not like I'm drowning in me. It's like I'm choking. On you."