Author’s note: This story takes place in early Ireland around 331 A.D. Each of the characters has original Irish names. I will not give you a pronunciation guide because it’s your choice on how to sound them out. But for some things you may not understand, I will give a short definition.
Tuatha De Danann: the Irish gods of civilization
Fomorians: the Irish gods of chaos and the earth
túath: and Irish tribal community

To know more just go onto Wikipedia, that’s where I got most of my information. If things aren’t explained than they’re not too important. Please comment and critique this story, it really helps me with works to come.

I awoke on the sand, the sound of the lake’s soft waves surrounded me. Sitting up, I shook my sand-filled head of hair and yawned, covering my mouth with a pale hand. “Mother and Father, I wonder what they’ll think. I didn’t return home,” I thought aloud, making my way back up the path to my home. I could see Sîle, my neighbor and the woman who had taken my mother in after a tragic incident, working on the garden in front of her house.

“Mhairi!” she smiled when she saw me. Her grey eyes were kind and made her look young, despite the many wrinkles that surrounded them. “How are you? Aengus isn’t too pleased, you should get inside your home now, though I expect that’s what you’re doing.” I nodded and went into my home, which happened to be opposite Sîle’s home.

Aengus was my father. He had dark brown hair and blue-grey eyes. He was quite a tall man, much taller than myself. Though it made sense, he was a man of thirty and I was his daughter of ten. Though I often imagined that I’d grow up in his image, only a feminine version. I already had his dark brown hair that curled around the shape of my face. He stood close to the door, his coat on, ready to head out. I guess he didn’t see me enter for he bumped into me, causing me to fall over. He didn’t bump me hard, I was just a weak girl.

“Father,” I said quietly, getting up. I had always been a quiet girl, like my mother. The only thing from her looks that I possessed were her green eyes. I did wish that I had her beautiful head of auburn, brown was much too plain. My skin was milk white, and my mother, Aoife, had skin of olive and beautiful freckles that elegantly dusted her cheeks.

My father looked down at me and tilted his head. “Where were you, daughter? Your mother has been worried and I too,” he said, calmly. Aengus was always calm, I had never seem him angry.

I sighed before replying. I hated telling them about falling asleep on the beach, they always looked at me as if I were filthy for doing such a thing. Well, they didn’t really look at me like that, but I was sure that they thought it. I would come home with particles of sand still left in my hair, who wouldn’t be disgusted? “I fell asleep on the beach,” I said, hesitantly, looking down at my feet. “I’m sorry father but I had to be there for the waves. The moon draws them near, like an addiction. They have told me they want to stop so I’ve been helping them out for the past few nights.”

Looking back up, I could not see what he was thinking, for all that showed in his eyes was…I wasn’t sure but I didn’t know if it were good or bad. He shook his and smiled, “Your imagination is…quite active, young one. I think the waves can continue to be drawn to the moon. What of the sand? I’m sure it doesn’t enjoy being parched all the time?”

I shook my head. They had distinctively told me their problems and it seemed I was the only one who could help and so I did with my magic. Nobody believed that I had magic, but I knew. The waves would heed my wishes until my command was finished and the moon would grow lighter for the fireflies who had asked me to brighten the sky for them. “The sand doesn’t like getting wet during the night. The moon says it’s not his fault, for the water likes his brightness and because I make him brighter for the fireflies, the water comes closer. Do you understand, father?”

Aengus looked at me seriously now. “Mhairi, you have used this excuse—this lie many times now. I don’t know what you’re talking about but your mother and I are worried. We are believers of God and our belief is against such things. You say the water and earth talks to you, like the Fomorians exist. You talk much of the Tuatha Dé Danann hiding in the forest’s canopy of shadows. Perhaps it was a wrong decision to teach you of such things when you were younger. They are all made up for the imaginations of girls like you,” he said, walking past me. “I’m going down to the beach now to get some fish for dinner tonight. Go find your mother and tell her that you are well.”

I nodded solemnly and walked out of the cottage and around the túath, looking for my mother. She was the one who had taught me these things. I don’t think Father liked it much, there was something in her past that made him a little uneasy about teaching me of the myths. He was most bothered when Mother told me my favourite story, the story of the Children of Lir. The evil sorceress, daughter of Bodb Derg, king of the Tuatha Dé Danann, had the same name as her. Whenever I’d tell her the story I’d switch the characters’ names so that the daughter of Aeb and Lir, Fionnuala, was really the sorceress and that the sorceress, Aoife, was really the daughter who had to bravely weave seven shirts of thorn-plants. This disappointed Mother who was committed to having stories told right, but I didn’t care, I didn’t like the fact that her name was that of a villain in that story. Another story I liked was of Úna and the merman. It wasn’t well known because Mother’s friend, Aoibhe made it up. Aoibhe lived in Emuin Macha still, unlike my parents’ other friends who ran away together somewhere. No one is quite certain where.

I had no idea where my mother could be. I found myself wandering to Ardan’s home. Ardan was the son of Aoibhe and her husband, Pierre, who had come to Éire from a place called La France, as he said it. Ardan had beautiful golden locks that he had cut just covering his ears, his forehead, and the nape of his neck and blue eyes that shimmered like the water in the lake. His siblings Naoise and Ainle were a few years younger than him, Ardan was in his eleventh year. I suppose Aoibhe liked the sad tale of Deirdre, for her three sons were named after the three brothers who had saved the heroine. I wasn’t sure if Ardan knew the tale, for at that point not many people in Emuin Macha believed in such powerful love, or if they did, no one really talked about it. There had been talk of a man to come to spread the word of God to us, one of the old, wise druids would tell us. Of course, no one had expected it to be any time soon, the druids predicted far into the future, it seemed. The one that the people in Emuin Macha looked out for around then most was the coming of another Child of Lir, one who would become a swan by the powers of a sorceress or of the Fomhóire or the Tuatha Dé Danann. That child would turn into a swan, a sign that they did not belong. It is said that once that child is changed, the parents will be burned and all evil will be gone from Emuin Macha so that it is ready for the man who was predicted to come.

I was deep in thought as I walked. It startled me when I found myself being wrapped in someone’s arms and picked up. “Uah!” I hollered, it was my trademark scream, or at least that’s what I liked to think. The one who had lifted me was Ardan, his strong arms kept me safely suspended in the air.

“Hey, Mhairi! You haven’t been around here often,” he smiled and put me down. “Are you too busy or too important for little old me?”

I smirked at him. “You, little? I can see why you think so,” I looked him up and down. I was at his shoulder, though it made sense since he was a boy and a year older than myself. “Anyways, I of course haven’t forgot you, I’ve forgotten to visit you. There is a difference you know. I’ve been—busy.”

Ardan frowned at me. “It’s that lake again, isn’t it? I don’t understand why you believe it talks to you, but I don’t think you should continue with this stuff you call…magic,” he said. Ardan and his family were a bit different than all the others in Emuin Macha. Not only by their looks that they had inherited from their foreign ancestors, but of his religion. In La France each person was a religion Pierre called Catholique. It was kind of like Christianity, only a bit more…serious, I suppose. There was only one church in the túath. Not everyone attended the Sunday masses for there were still some who believed in the old faith. My family only attended occasionally. Sîle and Cathal were much more content staying at home and saying their prayers. But Ardan’s family had to go every single week and if they missed the Sunday they’d go on another day of the week. It was against their religion to believe in magic and such things.

I shook my head, but I’m sure my eyes said differently, because Ardan gave the look he always gave when he doubted me and said, “Sure,” in a voice that wasn’t so sure.

We stood there quiet for a moment. The wind blew by and whispered my name, Mhairi… I looked around. The wind had come from the forest, but I wouldn’t go, not when Ardan was there in front of me. I decided I’d break the silence.

“Do you know where my mother is?” I asked in my quiet voice.

Ardan nodded and pointed into his cottage. “She’s in there talking to mine. I think Aoife is worried about you, have you come to see her?”

I nodded and walked past him inside the cottage. I never needed to knock to enter, but I felt the need to then. I knocked lightly on the open door that exposed Aoibhe and my mother inside talking. “Hello.”

Mother looked at me and smiled. She put her arms out, signalling that I should go to her. I walked into her embrace and stayed there for a second. “Mhairi, please come home to sleep,” she said and then pulled away. “Now go play, be home for dinner, you will not be allowed out after that.” She kissed me on the cheek and I was dismissed.

---

The rest of my days were the same. I’d wake up at dusk, have a bowl of porridge and then head to the beach to listen to the lake and the sand’s problems. Soon after the wind would call me and I’d venture into the forest and cast a simple spell on the kinsmen from other túaths that had come to harm ours and other simple things as such. I would then head to Ardan’s and stay with him until dusk and after I would returned home for dinner and then bed and then I’d repeat the cycle, day after day. We rarely saw the lord of Emuin Macha, who was the descendant of the well known Conchobar mac Nessa, the one who lived during the time of the many heroes Ulster knew. When we did, it was when he was heading out on a campaign. Each person would wish him and his son luck, they always came back unharmed. I had never had an actual conversation with either of them, nor had they even looked at me. Every man in the family that was to inherit the land was named after their ancestor, Conchobar.

I was in my fourteenth year, I think, when I first received an individual glance from the young Conchobar who was the same age as Ardan. They were riding out on a campaign, which is usually when I saw them. Young Conchobar was a handsome man with dark hair and brown eyes. One could see the little stubble he always left marking his chin. Father and son with warriors rode past my home one morning at dawn. I had just walked out in a gown Sîle had made for me which was, as all her gowns are known to be, a bit too exposing. I possessed the body of a woman at that point and I think that’s the only reason why he looked at me. The low cut gown that barely cupped my miniscule breasts was made of wool dyed red. I wore a red scarf that my father gave me for it was autumn and my neck got cold easily. In the mornings I didn’t worry about braiding my hair, for no one else was out so early.

The lords Conchobar passed by on their horses. The elder lord didn’t glance anywhere but forward. He passed and the younger one came, looking at me up and down and winked. My heart fluttered for a bit and I felt a blush rise to my cheeks. As soon as they all passed I fled to the beach and talked to the earth so it could calm my heart that was racing from being so…flattered, I suppose that what one could call it. The only man that had ever winked at me was Ardan who did it as a friend. I wasn’t sure why I thought it such a ‘gift’ or something, it was just a gesture.

Lord Conchobar, the younger one, winked at me, I said to the lake and sand. I needn’t words to speak to them, they understood me without my voice.

We saw, the lake replied. Do you know what he meant by it?

Who cares! the sand said. Don’t talk to him, Mhairi, he will use you. And don’t speak of him again either, to anyone, or else.

I was surprised that the sand would think such a thing. The young Lord Conchobar was an honourable man, one only heard good things about him. What do you mean? How can you tell? Why?

The sand was quiet for a bit. Or, I should correct myself since it didn’t speak aloud, the sand didn’t speak for a while. The winds seemed to do so for him.

Trust the winds, they said in their soft voice. Another will need you, be close…always…don’t leave Emuin Macha…

I was a bit puzzled by the last thing the winds said. I should trust the winds more, I thought. The wind was everywhere and saw everything. It had an ability to see into the future as well. But it wasn’t like I could go anywhere. I’ll remember that, I said, and then stood up. It was nearing the time that I usually met up with Ardan. I walked to his home in silence, wondering what the winds meant.

Ardan wasn’t pleased when I told him. “Stay away from him,” he said seriously when I told my short story, forgetting the sand’s warning.

I was surprised. “Why? Lord Conchobar is a very respectable man. What if I were to marry him? Oh, that’d be amazing, don’t you think Ardan?”

Ardan shook his head. “Don’t think of stuff like that. You’re just going to be let down in the end.”

I looked at him sharply. “So you’re just saying I’m not good enough for him, is that it?” I think I jumped to conclusions too soon. I had a habit of doing that as I grew older. Ardan’s face dropped and he looked to the ground.

“Never mind,” he looked to the ground. “Let’s go to the beach,” he said quietly after a while. He took my hand in his and lead me to the beach and into the cave which we spent most of our days in.

I looked around the cave and saw at the finger prints Ardan and I had made when we were younger all over the cave. We used to say it was our cave so we should decorate it to our liking. Unfortunately, when we got dye we didn’t have anything to spread it and there was hardly enough to fill all the walls of the cave. We ended up using our hands. It was a fun day that will remain in my memory forever.

Ardan and I were silent for a while. What’s wrong, Ardan? the cave asked. The earth had a way of reading people’s emotions, even when they didn’t expose it openly. I thought that, since Ardan couldn’t hear it, I should ask the cave’s question.

“Ardan?” I asked, tugging his sleeve. He turned to me and grunted in an un-barbaric way. “What’s wrong?”

His expression dropped and turned into sadness. “N-nothing…” he replied unsteadily, looking away from me. He made it painfully clear that he wasn’t speaking the truth.

“Ardan?” He didn’t look at me. I repeated myself and there was still no reaction. I got on my hands and knees, put my hand on his cheek that was furthest from me and pulled his face toward mine. I rested my hand there, stroking it with my thumb. “What’s the matter, dear one?” I spoke softly. He looked at me in the eyes. I read sadness, anger and perhaps a bit of regret.

We sat there for a while, I continued to stroke his soft cheek. Finally he spoke in a mumble, just loud enough for me to hear for we were the only ones in the cave. “Don’t leave me,” he said. I was taken aback by what he said.

“Ardan, I’d never leave you,” I laughed softly and wrapped my arms around him, resting my head on his shoulder. “You’re my only friend, my best friend. I couldn’t leave someone like you.”

Ardan didn’t seemed pleased with my response, neither was the cave. That’s not it, it said. I ignored it. Ardan and I stayed there for a while and then went around the túath as we normally did. I saw my mother a few times when we were out walking hand in hand. She’d smirk at us with her now chubby features, in a way that made me think she knew something I didn’t. Aoife was pregnant with one of my siblings to be, it could be any moment now.

Ardan walked me home that night. He felt the need to for he wanted to make sure I got home safely and didn’t wander. I told him I wouldn’t wander, but he didn’t believe me, and I suppose it was true, I did wander often. He left me that day with a kiss that he held on my lips for a while. I stood still as he did it for I wasn’t expecting it. Once finished him pulled me close to him in an embrace. “Please, don’t leave me Mhairi.”

“Of course I won’t,” I said softly, wondering why he thought I would. There was no where else that I could go in Éire. Well, I suppose I could but who would I go with? I wouldn’t want to leave my family.

Ardan walked away down the path glancing behind himself for a second, winking at me, and then turning back around again. I waved until he was out of sight. I turned back to my cottage and opened the door, being hit with a loud noise inside.

“Ow!” it was my mother. “Get a nurse or something! My water broke!” She was out of view, but I knew by the urgency of her voice and, evidently, by what she said. My father ran into view, just in front of the door.

“Mhairi! Go get Sîle!” he ordered. I turned on my heel and ran across the path into Sîle’s home. She had been sitting at the table by the door finishing the hem a little blanket, no doubt for my new sibling. I guess she heard the screams from my mother for she got up right away and ran.

I never knew that Sîle could deliver babies. Maybe she was the one who had pulled me into this world? I didn’t know. She finished up quickly, Aoife didn’t go through much pain. I had a younger sister. Her name was Fand, after the sea goddess, Queen of the Fairies. Once again, Aengus didn’t look pleased. He had always grown up in Christianity and was against my mother giving their children such stories to dream of. I didn’t mind, I thought it was lovely. I held Fand for a while and then passed her back to my mother. I walked outside for some fresh air. It was summer and it seemed the cottage was hotter than outside.

Mhairi… the winds called, leading me in the direction of the forest. In the past few years I had learned a small spell to create a tiny light. I said the short incantation and a small light appeared in my hand, just enough for me to see ahead of myself. Mhairi… the winds called again. I followed their voice until seeing someone.

It was a man, no. It was no ordinary man, it was the young Lord Conchobar himself. I gasped and hid behind one of the trees, peering to look at him. He had his head in his hands. “Why?” I could hear him saying.

I felt it was safe for me to go to him to ask what was wrong. After all, the winds had called me to this place, it must be safe. Though, I couldn’t always trust them. Sometimes they’d mislead me. It was at those times when I believed the Fomorians existed, that they were the winds and the water and the sand. But that day didn’t seem like following them would bring me harm. I stepped out of my hiding place and slowly advanced toward the lad barely yet a man in front of me. “Lord Conchobar,” I said softly, extinguishing the light I held in my hands. “What’s wrong?”

He lifted his head from his hands and looked at me with a confused and almost scared glare. “Get away from me,” he said in a low, fearful voice. I back away at the sound of it.

“B-but…my lord…” I stuttered to find words. “I don’t mean to harm you.”

He stood up and put his hand to his belt where his dagger was. “Get away, sorceress, you’ve done enough already.”

I back away slowly and soon found myself running out of the forest to the beach. I doubt he had seen the light, but he had to, for why else would he think I were a sorceress? I let myself fall down onto the sand and allowed my tears of fear to fall. I didn’t really like being talked to in such a way the young lord had.

That’ll teach him, it said as my tears flooded into it.

“What?” I asked aloud, sitting up. I brushed some sand off of my face. “What did you do?”

Not what we did, what you did. We told you… the sand said. It was simple, really. A tiny love spell to make him crazy about you.

I don’t get it, why did you do that? I asked, furiously.

We told you not to speak of him, the winds told us you did. You wanted to marry him so we gave you your wish and now we wait…

I didn’t want to marry him! I exclaimed. I was just talking with Ardan, that doesn’t mean anything!

Oh really?

Really.

Well, he should get over the belief of you being a sorceress soon enough and ask for your hand in marriage, the sand told me. Love as powerful as that in the spell gets to a man. All the craving, the dreams. Trust us, see if he doesn’t ask for marriage.

“Uah!” I screamed, angrier than I had ever been. I lifted my hands in the air, summoning some magic.

Mhairi, you shock us. Do you not forget that we are your magic? It is us who gave you this gift, and you try to use it against us? Not that it’s possible…

I frowned. I hated them. I hated the sand. I hated the wind. The water was no better, but on that day it hadn’t done anything to make me angry. Stay away from me, I said.

Ah, but that’s not possible, foolish little one. We are the earth, we are what surrounds you. It is just unfortunate that you’re one of the only ones who can hear us. The one who doesn’t belong. You mother wasn’t supposed to be here, you aren’t supposed to be alive. This is against the pattern, misfit, and we all know that no one likes misfits, why else would we, the Fomorians, be banished by the Tuatha Dé Danann? Because of our differences? Oh no. We did not belong, we are ugly compared to their looks. We’re always happy to help others like you, Mhairi, for we know how fun it is to have contact with you asinine mortals. To the misfit mortals we are divine, we are the greater ones and we take this advantage to steer you down the wrong path.

I stood up and ran back to the cottage as fast as my legs would carry me. I never knew they were the Fomorians, I of course suspected but they helped me too much. The Fomorians would help me in my times of need. I’d be able to talk to them when I was trouble, but now I couldn’t. They were evil and were leading me on a path of evil.

The small cries of Fand could be heard when I opened the door to my cottage. I ran in, past my mother and into my chamber where I bolted the door and hopped onto my bed, crying myself to sleep. I had disturbing dreams that night. The Fomorians must have given them to me. They were of my parents burning to death, for some reason. I didn’t know where Fand was in this dream, but it was still scary. “Our child is only lost!” they screamed. See what you’ve done, misfit? the water asked me. I was watching from afar in the water. I seemed to have the best view of what was happening.

I woke up with a thick coat of sweat covering my body. I wanted to scream, I wanted to talk to someone about it, but it was just a dream and I was growing into a woman, I was far too old to be scared of such things.

This is your fate… the Fomorians spoke, but I ignored them, knowing that they, as they usually were, toying with me.

But there were still voices that hailed me, only they were different. They invited me into the forest and I went, letting curiosity get the better of me. There was nothing there when I arrived, all but a cauldron, right in front of my path. I looked at it for a bit and then reached out my hand, feeling its smooth, rounded side. I didn’t notice the figure beside me.

“Best not touch it.” It was a man. I turned around, being face to face with a great man who looked almost identical to my father, only younger. Four birds flew about his head. I thought the shadows were playing little tricks on me.

“Father…” I said quietly and reached out my arms to him. The man backed away.

“I am not your father,” he said sharply. “And if you want me to foster you, you can think again.”

“Then who are you?” I asked. “And how did you show up so suddenly? I didn’t sense you.”

The man laughed. “Have you not heard my tale? I am Aengus, son of the Dagda and Boann. I am appalled that you do not know my story.” But I did know his story. Aengus Óg, that’s what he was called in the story, was the son of the Dagda and god of love, youth and poetic inspiration. One night he dreamt of Caer Ibormeith and fell in love with her. His mother searched for a year with no luck. The Dagda followed her action. Finally Bodb Derg, his brother, found her. Aengus went to her to find 150 girls chained in pairs, Caer among them. On November the first they would turn into swans for a year and every second one following. Aengus could only marry her if he could identify her as a swan, which he did and he turned into a swan himself and the two flew off together singing beautiful music that’d make listeners fall asleep for three days and nights. I nodded in response to what he said.

“Why are you not with your woman in Brú na Bóinne?” I asked.

Suddenly Aengus’ features darkened, showing me anger. “That would be your doing,” he said. “I don’t know what you’re playing at, but you’re going to fix it. Caer and I were happy, in fact, we were dead up until you were born. Now history is repeating and Caer is chained up with those others in her swan form once again. I picked her out, but that’s not working. I’m going to need you to change spots with her.”

I was taken aback by what he told me. “Me, switch spots with Caer and become a swan?” I asked. “I don’t think so, I have much to live for.” Suddenly I sensed another presence behind me. I turned to find another, older man there. He held a large club and sat with his back up against the cauldron. He wore a short tunic and barely covered his front and rear.

“You will do as my son says,” he said. I now recognized him as the Dagda. “Or,” he continued, “I will place you into my cauldron.”

My eyes widened and fear made my body tremble. I didn’t want to be turned into a swan, but the Dagda’s cauldron was my other option, and perhaps even more of a threat. It was said that it was bottomless and capable of feeding an army. Either way, I would be cooked in time, when the Dagda needed to feed his army, and eaten. Turning into a swan seemed like the best idea to me. “I’ll help you, Lord Aengus.” After my response, the Dagda vanished, along with his cauldron and Aengus’ expression lit up.

“We will go to Dragon’s Mouth right away and you will switch with Caer,” Aengus said, taking hold of my hand. It seemed like magic. A black cloud appeared before us and I was helped up on top of it. It was the cloud similar to the one the Tuatha Dé Danann had travelled to Éire from the northern cities on. The journey seemed so fast and Aengus told me of the Caer he had originally married and seen in his dreams.

“Her hair was the loveliest shade, auburn I think it was. Her eyes a beautiful green and her skin was not like many but olive and dusted with freckles,” he told me. I was surprised, Aengus had just described my mother’s appearance. Perhaps the Aengus that is my father and the Aengus that is son of the Dagda have the same taste in woman, I thought. Or perhaps my mother, who knows nothing of her past, was really the second daughter of Prince Ethal Anbuail, sister of Caer Ibormeith? I didn’t know, but it was fun to imagine.

We landed swiftly at Dragon’s Mouth. Aengus was quite hasty about the whole thing. “Get off the cloud! Go, go, go!” he said as I took my time, the cloud didn’t make contact with the ground, it was too high up for my feet to touch the ground without me falling off the cloud. Aengus jumped off with ease and tugged on my foot, pulling me down and catching me.

“Over there,” he said, pointing to a lake. I looked over to the lake. Floating on its surface was a vast abundance of swans, each identical. They were all chained by their throats to one another, in a line, two by two, each making up one hundred and fifty. I looked at Aengus questioning what I should do. He seemed to read my question in my eyes, I had learned that my eyes could sometimes speak for themselves. “Just go and hug the swan that is my Caer.”

I started to head to the swans, but then halted and looked back at him. “Which one is her?” Aengus pointed to a pair of identical swans that were far from the beach.

“The one to the right,” he said, quite sure of himself.

“How can you tell?”

He took and his hand and held it to his heart. “It’s not my logic that chooses, but my heart. That has to be her, she is far more elegant than the rest, or at least my heart tells me so.” I nodded to him and started to walk into the water, my boots still on my feet. I turned around again.

“Is it deep there? I’m not much of a swimmer,” I stated. It seemed Aengus got more frustrated each time I turned around.

“Just go!” he exclaimed, “I’ll worry about you drowning or not, trust me. If you die I will have only a swan to love, and that doesn’t suit me well.”

I nodded again and continued into the water. It was shallow pretty much the whole way. I took each step carefully, but found I didn’t need to for it was pretty much level the whole way, the water was only up to my knees.

I think I had jinxed myself though. As I ventured deeper the waves, as if by magic, started to grow stronger and hit my knees, threatening to make me fall over. It was unnatural. I looked back to see Aengus, not realizing that it was getting harder for me, waving his hands telling me to go on.

Mhairi…Mhairi…you left Emuin Macha, we told you not to. You naughty girl, now we have to punish you…the water said, making the waves grow stronger. The swan Aengus had identified as Caer was only two arms lengths away, I just needed to move quicker and hold onto it. Suddenly the sand beneath me sunk in. There was nothing underneath to support me.

“Damn Fomorians,” I said under my breath as I strugged to hold Caer. I was so close, my fingers brushed her soft feathers, she didn’t seemed disturbed by my touch. She gazed at me with her head tilted.

Water began to enter my throat. I choked on it. I didn’t know why Aengus wasn’t helping me like he said I would. I looked back at him, his eyes were not on me but on something in the sky. I looked up to see a beautiful woman in the sky riding a horse that did not touch the ground. A great expanse of golden hair stretched out behind her. She came down close to the water and stretched out a hand to me.

“Come, young one, I will not harm you, I wish to help,” she said in her soft voice. “I am Niamh, daughter of Manannán mac Lir, god of the sea. My father has sent me to save you and Aengus’ Caer. Take my hand and then the swan and we’ll be off.”

I obediantly took hold of Niamh’s hand and was hoisted out of the water. Niamh saddled me onto the back of her horse, Embarr, who’s name I learnt in her myth. I then picked up the swan, Caer, that was immediately unchained from the others. Embarr took us to the beach where Aengus waited. We dismounted and I sat in the sand, holding onto the swan but not hugging. I wondered why suddenly all the characters from the legends were showing up.

“Get on with it!” Aengus exclaimed, apparently unable to wait.

I nodded and looked down at my hands. Soon they wouldn’t be mine. I kissed them lightly and then wrapped my arms around the swan that sat before me. “Goodbye…” I said lightly, as my form changed into a swan.

---

As a swan, I was barely conscious of what I was doing, yet I remembered everything as I did when I was a human. I met a male swan in my new form and nested a clutch of five. I soon had five little ones following me everywhere I went until one day when everything changed.

I was sent back too soon, in my opinion, to the one hundred and forty nine swans that had been attached by a chain. I found a chain attached to my neck, making me the one hundred and fiftieth. All of us would float around some days. My partner in the line was rather uncomfortable all the time and was constantly picking at her feathers with her beak. I longed for my children, who when I was taken were almost ready to learn to fly. I also longed to be human again.

We were floating by the beach that I recognized as Emuin Macha’s. My dream came back to me. I could see and hear my parents all too well on a plank, tied up, above a large bonfire that threatened to lick the thin plank until it burnt off and killed my parents. Like in my dream, I did not see Fand.

“She is just lost!” Aoife, my dear mother, cried. She was thin, too thin and wrinkles of aging appeared on her brow.

“This is not just! You have no proof that she is a swan!” Aengus, my father, hollered.

“But we do,” an older, bold and, only judging by sound, influential voice said. It was Lord Conchobar, the older one that ruled, pointing to the lake, to my flock of others. “Why else would so many swans come, it’s a sign.”

I could barely believe what I heard, but I had to, for the water underneath me told me so.

Why, yes, it is a sign. The only reason you’re here is for our revenge. Look at your parents. See what you’ve done, misfit? the water told me in its evil voice.

---

Three years past and I stayed in my swan form, grieving over the loss of my parents and the whereabouts of my little sister which were un-known to me. I barely knew what she looked like.

The flock had once again arrived at Dragon’s Mouth. It sounds like someone’s trying to find you, a voice I didn’t recognize said. In the distance, I saw two men. One was tall with curly blonde hair that fell just above his shoulders, covering his ears and forehead. His eyes were such a lovely, vibrant blue that I could see them from where I was, which wasn’t too close. He had a bit of stubble on his chin and was dressed like a travelling man. The other was also tall, only a bit shorter than the first man. He had brown hair that fell just past his shoulders and dark brown eyes. He was dressed elegantly, like a king or lord.I recognized who they were. The blonde one was Ardan, my best friend, and the brown haired was the young Lord Conchobar, the man who was apparently put under a spell to love me.

“The witch said we have to pick which one she is and that we only get one choice to pick, whichever one chosen will turn back into her original form and become instantly in love with you,” Lord Conchobar said. “Either way sounds like a bargain, for you of course, since Mhairi is mine. I understand I’m a lord, but I’ll let you pick first to be—courteous.”

Lord Conchobar seemed obnoxious. I didn’t like him one bit. Ardan was going to pick first, I hoped he picked right. I felt something in me, telling me that he had to pick right. I think I was in love with him, I think. I wasn’t sure. If he had perhaps told me maybe I wouldn’t ever be in this mess, I thought.

But he did, the strange voice said again. You just weren’t paying attention. He asked you not to leave him, that’s almost a proposal.

I ignored the voice, though what it said was true. I never read the message behind his thoughts. I stared him down, telling him with my mind Choose me…choose me… but he didn’t even look at me. The one who seemed to notice was Lord Conchobar, a long grin marking his face. Ardan picked, he actually picked the one beside me. She was unchained and flew to the sand, turning back into her human form, naked. Ardan’s expression dropped, the former swan was a beautiful woman, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, apparently unashamed of wearing nothing but her skin, but he shook her away and began to walk back toward Emuin Macha, the woman trailing him like a lost puppy.

I could hear Lord Conchobar say, “Thanks for getting one option away, now it’s my turn, and I know which one my beautiful Mhairi is.” Ardan was long gone and far in the distance, it was as if Lord Conchobar was waiting for his absence to pick. He pointed at me and I was unchained and a force made me fly to him. When I reached the beach my bare feet were planted into the sand and my naked body shivered for I was unused to feeling the breeze after having being a swan for three years. Lord Conchobar wrapped his arms around me and held me tight, warming my outside, though my inside was cold with fear, regret, and sadness that I was sure wouldn’t go away soon; I refused to hug him back. I was now fully grown and a woman of seventeen. Curves had formed in all the right places, my chest had grown immensely and I was a bit taller. All of this was to Conchobar’s liking.

“We shall wed right away, my love, and conceive many children,” he whispered in my ear. He snapped his fingers and there was suddenly a man, one of his kinsmen behind us with a red gown of wool at hand, the one Sîle had made me. Conchobar snatched it. “The gown I first saw you in, we took it from your…former home. It may be a bit small, after three years, but all the better—for my own pleasure, of course.”

He hadn’t given me a shift and on top of that I was required to dress in front of him, which at that point didn’t really matter for he already saw me nude. I had to ride on his horse all the way back, he held my waist tight and I rode in front of him. We passed by Ardan and the naked woman who followed him. I only saw a bit of him, his eyes. They met mine and I felt myself begin to cry inside. He could never be mine and I never his.

---

Conchobar did everything he said. We did wed as soon as we arrived. I couldn’t object to the union for if I did I was sure to be executed. I was taken to his chamber and we did things I will always regret and never speak of. I didn’t feel good about it and his cries echoed through the large chamber. I didn’t do anything, but he didn’t notice.

I was treated like royalty, for at that time I was. I was allowed to do anything I wanted, with the permission of Conchobar of course.

“May I go outside?” I asked, one night a year after my marriage.

“And leave me alone here,” Conchobar touched my cheek fondly. “I wouldn’t like that.”

I looked at him deeply and frowned. “It’s just for some fresh air. I am not used to being cooped up all the time. I need to go out.”

Conchobar nodded and kissed me. “Do not stray too far from the house. I do not want to lose you, not that it’s possible that you would leave me for you love me too much as I love you. Our túath is very safe too.”

I nodded and moved outside swiftly, perhaps looking like I was in a hurry. I passed the guards silently, they didn’t seem to notice me at all. Once far out of their sight, I began to run as fast as my legs would take me. I ran to Ardan’s home. Reaching it, I knocked on the door until someone opened it.

The one who had answered the door was a small girl about four years of age with auburn hair and blue-grey eyes. Her skin was pale and shining. “Yes, ma’am?” she asked politely.

The little girl was very beautiful. I found I was staring at her and quickly responded. “I am looking for Ardan,” I said. I assumed she was the newest addition to the family that had come after my departure with Aengus Óg, even though she looked unlike all Aoibhe and Pierre’s other children.

The little girl nodded and turned into the cottage. “Ardan! The Lord’s wife is here to see you!”

My heart leapt. I barely expected her to shout and it was even more of a surprise that she knew who I was. She turned back to me and tilted her head. “You used to be one of the folk who lived here, right? Did you ever know my sister?”

I shook my head, wondering if Aoibhe and Pierre had a daughter that died during birth or something for her to ask such a question.

Ardan appeared behind the little girl. His features were no longer filled with life, but sad and somewhat grey. Though when he met my gaze his face lit up, just a bit though.

“Ardan!” I exclaimed and ran past the little girl wrapping my arms around him. “I missed you so much.”

He did not hug me back though. “Hello,” he said calmly. I stopped hugging him and looked him in the eyes. Now I wasn’t so much shorter than him.

“Why don’t you hug me back?” I asked, confused.

I could hear the little girl laughing behind me. “Daddy’s got a girlfriend!” she chanted.

I turned to the girl and looked at her and then turned back to him. “‘Daddy?’ Who is your wife?” I felt my heart sink. He had a wife and child, yet I didn’t know about it. As soon as I left he must have had gotten together with one of the local girls.

“I have no wife,” he said. “I am—was in love, but I find my feelings are not returned.”

“Who’s the child, then?” I asked.

The little girl popped up in front of me. “I’m his foster-daughter. Gramma and Grampa let us live here since there is no where else and Daddy doesn’t want to leave Emuin Macha. I think he’s still waiting for the woman he loves to come and love him back,” she said with her finger pressed to her chin, as if deep in thought.

“Come child, it’s time for bed,” Ardan took his foster-daughter’s hand and walked her to his old room.

After he tucked the girl in bed, we went out walking to the beach, into the cave. Hen we reached our childhood place, I spoke.

“Why couldn’t you chose me?” I asked. “Aengus Óg chose correctly, he knew in his heart, but you were my best friend, you knew me inside out, and you could not? Yet Conchobar did.”

Ardan looked at the ground. He would be in his nineteenth year that year. “They all looked the same,” he said finally. “All were identical and—and there was Conchobar. He intimidated me and made me uneasy. Though it’s not like it would have mattered, you loved him.”

“Ardan?” I asked. He made no reaction. I repeated and he didn’t do anything again. It was almost like before. I took his cheek furthest from me in my hand and pushed his face to face mine. “I didn’t mean to leave you.” He snapped his head back. I went around to sit in front of him. He looked up at me.

“I will never be happy, not until my love is returned, though it never will be, for yours belongs to him,” he said. My eyes widened as I looked into his.

“But it is returned,” I said, taking his face between both my hands and bringing my face to his, giving him a deep, long kiss.

That night we did something beautiful, nothing like what I was forced to do with Conchobar, which never gave him children like he wanted. That night I felt good about it, but when the morning came, I regretted it. I woke to find a dead Ardan beside me, blood leaking from his body into my hair and Conchobar hovering over top of me, wiping a dagger clean.

“What did you do!” I exclaimed, tears fell down my cheeks like a giant waterfall.

“What was required, my dear,” he smirked. “I wouldn’t want you to be taken from me. Now come, let’s just excuse what you did with him—practice. We’ll exercise what you’ve learned back at home.”

Without even thinking, I stood up, raising my arms in the air, the winds were, suddenly, at my command in the cave. Conchobar was lifted into the air. I carried him over to the water and plunged his body underneath, holding him there.

Good, Mhairi, this is the way you should use us, the Fomorians spoke. I gasped, realizing what I was doing was wrong and lifted Conchobar back in the air. I was too late, his limp body was suspended in the air, dead. I dropped him and picked up my gown, throwing it over my head. Once it was on, I dragged Conchobar’s body toward Ardan’s and grabbed his dagger from its sheath. I plunged it into his heart and wrapped Ardan’s lifeless hands around it. I did the same with Ardan’s dagger, plunging it into him and wrapping Chonchobar’s hands around it. After that, I ran. But I didn’t know where to go.

Behind me I heard a horse’s feet, clacking on the ground. I didn’t dare look back, for it was probably some kinsmen. I continued to run, sand flinging everywhere. The beach was deserted that day.

Wait, I thought, I’m on the beach, horses don’t make noise on the beach. I turned around and saw Embarr, up in the sky, Niamh riding his back.

“Mhairi!” she called. I haulted and waited for her. She did not descent from the horse to talk to me. “I sense great sorrow from you.”

I nodded. Tears continued to fall down my cheeks. “H-he’s dead…and…the Fomorians…I..k-killed,” was all I managed to say. Niamh nodded and reached her hand out.

“I will take you to a place you needn’t worry about such things. Tír na nÓg, Land of Eternal Youth,” she said. Her calm, soft voice was soothing, and it made me want to go with her. She extended her hand to me and I took it. On Embarr, Niamh and I rode to the land of Tír na nÓg without a glance back at the land we were leaving.

---

I sat on one of the Tír na nÓg beaches, my daughter sleeping on my lap, I stroked her dark gold locks. It had been five years since I had arrived and I was indeed happy. Niamh’s daughter and mine were good friends. They would always play together on the very beach I sat on. It was late, young Emer had fallen asleep fast. She was indeed Ardan’s daughter, not only by looks but by personality.

I hadn’t thought much of the main land for a while, but when I did I kept remembering Ardan’s foster-daughter. I wondered what she had been doing in the past five years, and how her life was coming along. She looked a lot like she could be part of my family. With her aubrun locks like my mother’s and her blue-grey eyes like my father’s. Though it was that day on the beach that it came to me, the thought of my little sister. “Niamh!” I called. I pretty much whispered it but Niamh would come whenever I called her, no matter how quiet I was.

“Yes?” she asked. She was behind me already. I didn’t turn around.

“What happened to Fand, my younger sister? I never got to meet her,” I said.

“Yes you did,” Niamh replied in a way that made it seem she was certain. I turned to her and frowned. I hadn’t seen her since she was a baby. Niamh knew what I was thinking. “She was your Ardan’s foster-daughter, did you not know? She looked and awful like one of your family. Your sister I do not know much of. Whenever I try to check up on her, as I have done many times before, the image of a swan is all I see. She was abandoned, you know. When you met her, she was Ardan’s only family. His family had died, each coming down with a terrible fever once she entered the house, ironic, isn’t it?”

I stood up immediately. “Please watch Emer for me. I must find my sister, let me borrow Embarr.”

Niamh chuckled, but did nothing else. Embarr came soon and I hopped onto his back. “Don’t touch the main land’s surface, you hear?” she said, but I was already gone.

The journey was fast, I sensed Embarr knew how dire I felt it was to get to Emuin Macha to see my sister, but when we reached it, there was no one there. There was not a cottage on the land, the Lord’s house no longer stood tall among them. “Hello!” I called from the horse. The only response I heard was my echo. I continued to call, but there was nothing.

I felt the need to start running around to find people. From the horse I could not see everything. I hopped off of Embarr and onto the ground, but once my feet touched the earth my body shrivelled up and turned to dust, blending in with the sand. Don’t touch the main lands surface…

In Tír na nÓg, a year is one hundred on the main land. When I touched the surface I changed to my proper age, which would have been 2300, an age unreachable to mortals. My soul hung in the air though, as most, I believed, did after death.

Not a memory of me remained in Éire. But on that day, at the moment I died, the main land was put back into place and breathed in relief. The only thing that saw my death was a swan that floated on the waters not far from me. Once I was nothing but a scrap of soul, not yet rested, I could hear it say, its voice travelling along with the wind, Goodbye, sister…

I may have changed the myths, but in the books they remained the same. Only the Tuatha Dé Danann and the Fomorians knew of the change, the rewriting of the myths.