They were the end product of a charred youth, and yet sat blissfully unaware with joints in hand. Smoke was billowing around their heads and with glazed eyes they’d exchange glances. Happiness came like this only within distance of one another, two best friends they might as well been brothers. Gazing upon each other, bloodshot and oblivious. It was beautiful. Like a nasty bug on a flower. It was childhood, it was adolescence, it was not adulthood.

The boy let a stream of smoke slip out of his lips like an art form. The clouds of smoked danced with each other until evaporating into the air leaving only the smell of weed and Captain Morgan. The rolled paper between his thumb and pointer finger was progressively going smaller much to his despair.

The other boy sitting across from him looked to be about the same age. A grin appeared on his face as he glanced at the other. They both shared silence, than laughter.

“How much did you spend on this Austen?” He spoke as he gave a mighty yawn. Feeling the fatigue. They weren’t totally stoned, due to a high tolerance, but it was actually very relaxing. Almost like smoking a hookah.

“Twenty-five bucks,” Austen said as he flicked the end towards the floor, keeping a close eye on it. “Not bad. I’ve had better.” His chest felt clogged and he started to cough heavily. “Your eyes are glazed as hell Steffen.” He laughed loudly. Steffen started to laugh as well. Their voices were alike as were their manner of dress.

“Your blue eyes aren’t blue anymore. They’re like ingido,” He said with a slightly sloppy laugh.

“Ingido? What the fuck is ingido?” Austen said as he doubled over onto the floor with laughter.

“The color. The dark pink… er blue,” Steffen started to sway a little.

“You mean indigo?” He said, looking up at his friend. They both stared at each other for a minute, than burst into a rage of fits and laughter. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

Steffen fell backwards and started to laugh heartily. His hands resting on his stomach.

“I know. What the fuck is ingido?” He continued to laugh. Than he reached over and pointed to a stout bottle that had less than half of its alcohol in it. “Gimme that.”

Austen reached over and grabbed the bottle and with shaky hands handed it over to Steffen who snatched it hard. He started to chug it, stopping only for air. Than making a face indicating its strength as it washed around in his mouth.

“I fucked the hottest chick the other day,” He said as he set down the bottle and sat up. His head was swaying ever so slightly due to being dizzy. “Her tits were so nice.”

Austen sat up and leaned back on his hands.

“I love tits,” He said as he looked down at his forearm, dirty but there shined his sexy angel.

“I know you do. You dated Nora. That’s all she has is tits,” Steffen said. They both burst into drunken laughter. “Was she good?”

“At head. Fucking her was like sticking my dick in a pool,” Austen blinked his eyes as he started to feel even more foggy than before. “She let me fuck her ass though.”

“Women are idiots,” Steffen said as he took another enormous swig of Captain Morgan. “How old is she?”

“Same as me, 17,” Austen leaned over and snatched the bottle out of Steffen’s hand and quickly chugged the rest of it.

Steffen himself was 18 and the apartment they were smoking in was his. Run down, old, cheap, but it was his. They were in the worst part of the city, and they viciously hated the upscale part. Steffen rubbed the back of his head which was sporting the big hair look. Correct for the time, and it looked good on him in his ripped leather and studded boots.

Austen however, went with less the hard rocker look and more so the alternative look. Spiky hair with rugged stubble around his chin.

“Hm,” Was all Steffen said. Than after a peaceful silence, he spoke up. “Any new women?”

“You mean dating? No,” He said as he chewed on his recently pierced tongue.

“Oh. Fucking?”

“All the time,” Austen responded with a drunk grin.

Steffen started to laugh.

“Your sex addiction is worse than my crack addiction,” He said loudly. “And mine is bad. But at least I don’t smoke everything in sight. You fuck, suck, lick and touch everything in sight. Is it true you experimented with Robbe?”

Austen started to cough again.

“Uh…” he spoke nervously. “…maybe.”

“Oh you did. That’s dirty,” Steffen laughed even harder than before.

“I’m not a homo Steffen,” Austen snapped loudly.

“I know this. You’re just bisexual. Gotta keep your dick happy right?” He grinned at him.

Austen attempted to roll his eyes but found it hard and got dizzy. He stared up at the ceiling and let out a breath.

Erupting from beneath them, they heard and extremely large banging sound. Like a door being thrust open with no intention to stop it from hitting the wall behind it. Austen shot up like a canon and Steffen looked in the direction of where it came from. High, drunk and confused Austen looked over towards the front door which was still closed and locked.

“What the hell was that?” His heart was beating heard against his chest and he no longer had the sweet smell of marijuana on his mind.

Steffen shook his head and furrowed his brow. Standing up, he crookedly walked to the door and peered out the peephole.

It was silent once more. Not a movement, no sound, silence. But this time, it wasn’t sweet. Someone had entered the apartment complex angrily, and the two boys were on constant look out. Over the years they developed many enemies and anyone could arrive at any minute.

“Steffen-”

“Shh,” He hushed. Still staring out the peephole.

Austen stood with his mouth agape, unsure what to say or do. He was scared, no, petrified. He could very easily die today. Any day for that matter.

All of a sudden Steffen threw himself backward with a large amount of force and nearly ran into Austen. Their hearts were beating so hard they could hear them. Off tempo from one another, Steffen’s seemed to be beating faster.

“Austen! Go! Into the bedroom!” He said hushed but with the greatest amount of urgency Austen had ever heard in his life.

“Why? What’s going on!?” He said as he felt himself get pushed by his friend into a nearby room.

“Don’t ask questions!” He said as he shoved the door shut, locking it tightly.

Steffen rushed past Austen over towards the window, using all the muscle he had in his biceps to open it. But due to the alcohol and drugs it was a difficult task.

And then, it was like time froze. Everything got quiet. Both boys looked in the direction of the closed bedroom door. The silence was eery and all at once Austen felt like he was in a horror movie. Just waiting for some horrid murderer to burst through the door with an ax or chainsaw. He let out the breath he drew in fast earlier and watched as the cool air turned his breath into smoke seemingly.

Austen’s body jolted with a force so powerful he felt like he had to throw up. Someone was knocking on the door. Not the bedroom door, but the front door. The knocking wasn’t pleasant. It sounded more like someone was trying to break down the door. Was it the cops?

A high pitched noise reached his ears signifying that Steffen finally got the window open. The cool winter breeze added to the chill of their scared stiff bodies.

“We need to get down the fire escape. Once we get to the second floor, just jump. Don’t bother climbing the rest of it,” Steffen spoke so fast it was hard for Austen to follow. He was tired, scared, and felt so out of it. How the hell could he jump down a fire escape?

“What the flying fuck is going on!” He said rather loudly.

Right as he spoke, they heard an extremely loud bang.

“They got in! They must’ve broke the lock. There’s time, they still have to get through this door,” Steffen’s voice still held that urgency.

Austen wasted no time, squeezing through the window with his skinny body then helping to pull Steffen’s slightly larger body out. Austen led the way down the stairs as fast as he could go. The metal grates were screaming and giving away their position. All at once it felt like the stairs were shaking with the force presented by the teens loud feet hitting the steps hard. Like two rabbits desperately trying to escape hunters.

Like he was told, hitting the second floor he vaulted himself over the hand rail and fell quite a few feet down to the pavement. Falling flat on his chest with as little grace as possible. A sting erupted in his cheek and he let out a groan from the pain in his knees. With a shaky hand he reached up and pulled out the stone that was wedged in his cheek. Letting out a stifled cry of pain and tossing the piece of pavement on the ground. Feeling blood start to run down his face from various different scratches.

A pair of hands grabbed him hard and fear ran through his veins. He started to thrash as hard as he could resembling a fish being caught but giving a large amount of fight. No, they weren’t taking him. Never, he would never get caught.

“Austen stop its me!” Steffen muttered into his ear than helped pick him up off the ground. He too, had blood on him only it was more along his forearm.

“THE WINDOW! GO!”

They heard from the third floor. No… it couldn’t be…

“Steffen! YOU IDIOT!” Austen called loudly as he started to run down the alleyway. Feeling the cement hard under his shoes.

“I KNOW AUSTEN I KNOW. JUST KEEP RUNNING WE CAN ARGUE LATER,” Steffen called from behind him.

The two turned a corner into what looked like a secluded intersection filled with homeless people. They stood in the middle looking around at all the options. If they went right, they’d be met with Serafina Road. The main road that led to near everywhere. It would be the safest option, however, that’s where the two chasers would guess they’d go.

“Where do we go?” Steffen said with a highly stressed voice.

Austen was already out of breath. His royal blue eyes were still glazed and he had no idea where to go. Straight was a dead end, and if they went to the left they could very well get lost. There were miles and miles of alleyways in these parts. It would be suicide to go any direction.

“We should go left. Than we can try to find Myriam’s apartment,” Austen said, taking the lead. He took another deep breath than heard a metal trash can crash in the distance. “Fuck, we need to go.”

The two turned left and started running as fast as they could down the dark alleyway.

“I cant see Austen,” Steffen called with labored breath.

“Than don’t rely on your eyes,” Was all he said back. They had to get to Myriam. She’d know what to do.

The boys turned every which way. Their pace was starting to slow down due to fatigue. It was foolish to smoke and drink at the same time than go out for a run. Austen felt the wind rush past his ear and couldn’t hear much. But he saw straight ahead, there was a garage. They must be next to the auto shop. Now he knew where they were. This could be his advantage. They were near where he lived.

“Follow me,” Austen beckoned to Steffen who ran dutifully after him. Austen’s breath was now loudly labored. They must have been running for ten minutes straight. It doesn’t sound like much but when you’re smashed it feels like ten hours.

The two stopped behind a party store. The air was so cold and neither of them had jackets. Winter was on a fast approach obviously. They stood under a flickering blue light right above the dumpster.

“I need to catch my breath,” Austen muttered as he rested his hands on his knees.

“In a minute, we need to get out of the light,” Steffen grabbed his arm and pulled him beside the dumpster. Once they were amongst the shadows he let out a held breath.

The two of them breathed so hard it sounded like they just got done having hardcore sex.

“You…” Austen started as he stood up straight. Sweat was running down his forehead. “I can’t believe you of all people…”

“Before you rip me up and down, I had no idea she was his sister,” Steffen pleaded.

“No idea? No id- EVERYONE KNOWS! HENCE THE SAME LAST NAMES!” Austen bellowed only to be shushed by Steffen. “How many times?”

“It’s been going on for about two years,” He confessed.

“Two years? Two fucking years?” Austen started to laugh nervously and almost angrily. “Well I hope it was worth it. They’re going to kill you. And me because that’s what they do.”

“I know,” Steffen said as he started to wipe the sweat off of his face.

“Congratulations. You fucked Adam Ida’s younger sister. Adam. Of all people. He is leader of three, count them,” He said as he held up three fingers. “Three gangs.”

Steffen angrily pushed his fingers down.

“Stop it Austen. It ended a while ago. Once I found out they were related I stopped it,” Steffen said with a groan. “But its still not good enough.”

“You can feel bad for yourself later. I think I hear footsteps,” Austen said with a hushed voice. He held a finger to his lips then peered out from behind the dumpster.

“Where did they go?” A very buff looking man, bald but he wore winter hat, was looking around angrily. In his right hand he had a handgun with his pointer finger already on the trigger. There were three other guys with him. Two of which were black and dressed in the same way as Adam. The other guy looked to be slightly short and Mexican. He was missing his two front teeth, at least that’s what it looked like from Austen’s point of view.

“I don’t know,” One of the black guys said. He too was gripping a nasty looking handgun.

Than, much to Austen’s despair, Adam had spotted him. The two had locked eyes until Austen muttered under his breath and grabbed Steffen to start running.

“GO!” He heard Adam’s voice ring out.

Austen’s heart beated with fear. Feeling even more fatigue spread through his legs.

He heard a thud behind him and skidded to a stop. Nearly slipped on some ice. Turning his head, he noticed Steffen had collapsed. Oh no, god no. Please just no. Austen started running back for him but Steffen looked up with fearful eyes than screamed at him.

“AUSTEN YOU FUCKING FOOL! KEEP GOING! GO! RUN!” He yelled at him as he struggled to get up to his feet.

Austen froze and saw the four guys gaining speed. He looked towards the street which looked busy for what time of the night it was. Than back to Steffen who was jogging with a limp. He couldn’t go, he couldn’t just leave. Not Steffen. He was like his brother. He loved that damn boy as much as a brother.

“AUSTEN GO!” He screamed again.

This time he was serious. Austen started to back up as he saw Adam gain speed on Steffen’s limping figure.

Austen turned to run on Steffen’s request. Deep inside asking god if he truly existed than he would save Steffen.

But things seemed to slow down. In slow motion. He felt his stomach lurch and his mouth give out a dry heave. His body temperature dropped. And slowly, the worst sound he could ever hear approached his ears.

A gun shot. Shortly after, a cry.

He skidded to a halt and turned around to see the four guys standing over a limp body. Austen’s inside’s started to squirm. He was gone. Steffen was dead. His only friend in the world, shot because of a mistake.

“STEFFEN NO!” He called out loudly. “OH MY GOD NO!” Gone. He was never coming back. He’d never sit next to him, talk to him, see his goofy smile ever again. Steffen was dead.

“NOO!” The man shot up in bed. His chest heaving up and down. His body felt flushed and he was sweaty seemingly. His mouth slightly agape so that he could catch his breath. Staring straight forward into the mirror hanging on his closet door.

Austen shifted his eyes to the left and looked at his clock. It was three in the morning. The teacher ran his hands over his face, rubbing his eyes hard. Than he pushed the covers off of his naked body and sat at the side of his bed.

His heart still beated restlessly at his ribcage like a hungry lion. Emotions were swimming through his head. A mixture of sadness, hatred and anger. And worst of all, guilt. He could have saved him ten years ago. Now there was no way to bring him back.

Austen stood up and walked over to the mirror and looked at himself. Who was the man looking back at him? His hands traced over his torso, a six pack that was long gone but left its small traces. He wasn’t as skinny as he was at that time, if anything he received his growth spurt at age 23. Now the man could see every line in his face. In three years he would be 30. He was old, and not the boy he was.

Or was he?

For one thing, he wasn’t a man yet. Because he collapsed on his knees, and cried.

Time Gap

The nightmares came often. But the most recent one felt so real. Like a residual haunting in a house, a memory stuck in that state. Playing itself over and over again. This time he could almost see the blood around Steffen’s face and he kept thinking about it. It was far too hard to focus at school. He was tired, and even though he was surrounded by people, he had never felt so alone in his life.

He sat behind his computer and entered in grades. It was tedious and boring. And he was tired.

“Mr. Heaton,” a familiar voice called into the office.

Austen looked up and saw Emilee.

“Emilee?” He looked at his calendar on the wall. “Its Thursday, you have the day off.”

“Dance got cancelled. And you didn’t look too good during fourth hour,” She said with a concerned look on her face.

Bless her heart, if only she knew. Austen stood up and walked over towards her. Putting his hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it,” He said as he took his hand off her shoulder and walked over to the piano.

“Is… there anything I can do to help?” She gazed at him gently as he walked away from her. And he couldn’t help but turn around only to be greeted by brown eyes. Dark but soft, not unique, but still quite pretty.

A smile formed on his lips. Nowadays, kids don’t really care anymore about anyone except themselves. To see someone who still had a shred of heart made him feel good.

“No. I really do appreciate your offer though,” He stuck his hands in his pockets. “Take a day off, you deserve it. You’ve been working hard.”

A smile tugged at her rose colored lips and she bashfully stared at her feet before looking back up at him.

“Ok. If you need something don’t hesitate to ask?” She said confidently.

“I wont,” Austen spoke with a light nod.

Silence befell the girl for a while until she took a deep breath and stuck her hands in the pockets of her jeans.

“Alright. Seeya later Mr. H,” she waved than turned around and walked off.

Mr. H. He liked it. It had a nice ring to it. Those were the names you gave your favorite teacher. The cool dude of the school. The students shared their secrets with him in full confidence.

If only he had confidence in himself.