Authors Note: Sorry if there are grammar mistakes. I checked it over, but sometimes I miss mistakes. This is my first short story I put on fiction press. I did have a story a long time ago but I deleted it. This is probably very cliche. Well, any reviews are welcome; good or bad. I just want the honest truth about it. Thanks.

A Forbidden Love

My reflection stared back at me in my ivory mirror. I was wearing a blue gown that touched the floor. It was a ball gown; too formal for my liking. My corset was woven so tightly I felt dizzy if I allowed myself to take deep gulps of air. My golden brown hair was pulled tightly in a bun with loose hairs falling out of place. My hair was naturally wavy and I quite liked it that way. My eyes were a pale blue and I had a ribbon in my hair to match them.

I looked like royalty; a princess to be exact. How fitting; being as that is what I am; the one and only daughter of the current king and queen of the country. Their heir was my 7 year old brother Drake. He was 10 years my junior.

I allowed myself to once more observe my reflection before turning away from it disgusted. I slipped on a pair of white heals. I loathed balls. Very different from many princesses’ reactions to when they hear the news that their parents are throwing a ball to find them ‘prince charming’. I did not want to take part in it. I did not want my parents saying who I shall and who I shall not marry.

In truth, I hated being the center of attention. I hated having everyone stare at me with starry eyes like I was a new exhibit at the museum; the latest discovery.

I had no interests in becoming a queen and locking myself away in some castle in a distant kingdom. What a boring life I would lead. I wanted something new. I wanted something different. Doing as my parents told me to do would certainly not get me anywhere.

I was by no means a depressed and lonely princess. I had friends and none of them were of high royalty. I befriended the maids, the servants, peasant children and my closest friend was my body guard. He was the most loyal friend a person could desire. I was happy with whom I befriended. I did not need royalty to be happy.

My thoughts and worries were interrupted when a knock came from my bedroom door. I hesitated from answering. I did not want to go to this worthless ball, but I could not avoid it.

“Princess, it is I” A deep male voice came from behind the heavy wooden door and I attempted to stifle a laugh from my throat.

“Come in Ian” I called beyond the door knowing full well it was him. I had laughed because in public he is always so formal; not letting anyone catch on that there is something more than protection that he is giving me. In the quarters of my room and in private places he is everything but formal. Hearing him talk like that always brings a smile to my face and a blush to his.

The door gently opened with a whine. He entered my room and closed the door behind him giving us the privacy to talk as friends.

“I know the answer to this question, but I might as well ask it” Ian began “Are you ready or will you mope in your room all night?”

“I am not moping” I replied curtly “And no I am not ready, give me a few minutes” I turned away from him and stared out through the glass window up at the star-filled sky. I heard footsteps as he approached me stopping short of almost touching my back. I felt his warm breath touching my bare neck.

“Will things change between us if you are to become engaged?” He whispered, possibly fearing the coming answer.

I turned to look up at him into his brown eyes. Ian was almost a foot taller than me and his brown hair was neatly combed. He would accompany to the ball, for that was his job, to protect and watch over me. He wore an outfit that was formal for this ball.

“You know it will not Ian” I replied back barely above a whisper. “I hate royalty. I hate how people go around thinking they are higher than others. I do not even like that you are considered below me. I think it is arrogant to think that way and I refuse to spend my life with a prince who thinks that way.”

I slight smile tugged at his lips. He gently kissed my forehead and brought his lips to my ear.

“Rachel” His breath tickled my ear as he spoke quietly. “There is something between us we both can not deny”. I felt heat rise to my face. He pulled away and briefly caught my eyes and turned abruptly. “It is time to go now”. His voice was now monotone, not letting any emotion in his words.

My mind raced with thoughts. Of course there always had been something more between us. I was young, but I was not naive as he thinks. He is not much older than I. 3 years my senior to be exact and that is nothing.

It was me who would not act on it. Ian wanted me to make the first move. He wanted it that way because he would never force me into something. He wanted what was best for me, even if it involved him and me.

Even thought how I spoke of how I longed to rid my self of my royal ties I was almost powerless to do so. I was afraid if I gave into my feelings, Ian and I would be discovered. It was not as if I wanted it to be a secret, but if I allowed that ‘something more’ to occur and it was discovered by my father, escaping royalty would almost be impossible and I could risk loosing my best friend. A risk I was wary to take.

I walked silently to Ian’s side taking his arm that he offered me. With my head held high and a fake smile plastered on my face I allowed Ian to escort me to the ball room in the far wing of the castle. I felt his muscle on his arm as held onto him gently. Heat passed through are touch.

“You are beautiful tonight Rachel” Ian spoke quietly keeping his eyes forward. “I hope you know that”. I glanced at him. My heart ached with want for him. I wanted something. But if I decided to take it, it could be taken away from me.

“Thank you” I whispered back quietly as we reached the ball room doors.

Ian pushed the white wooden doors open leading me into the expansive room with clusters of people everywhere. They all cheered and clapped as I entered. I mentally sighed. How I wish they did not praise me. I wanted no part in royalty, but I felt myself being forced into it without any escape.

I reluctantly let go of Ian’s arm and took my ‘place’ by my father’s side. I smiled at everyone politely and nothing more. This was a princess’ dream and I wanted none of it. I felt guilty for turning away such riches when peasants on the streets held on to whatever was given to them. It made me feel ungrateful and ashamed.

But that is why I hate royalty. So much food is wasted in the castle daily after everyone gorges themselves while peasant men, women and children sometimes have nothing at all during the days.

The ball officially began and my father had already taken the honor of introducing me to a fine prince. I smiled slightly as my father introduced us. He had told me his name, but I cannot seem to recall it and in fact I do not feel the slightest bit guilty that I do not remember.

I danced and made small talk with many princes before the ball was even to the half-way point. My agony seemed to be prolonged. Ian had disappeared in the crowds for a while and no doubt in my eye spying on me as I danced with the princes’.

It was not as if I made him jealous on purpose. It was required of me to become acquainted with every unmarried prince present. Ian had known that, but I doubt that made him feel any better.

It was close to the end for this extravagant ball. Only an hour left of pretending I was enjoying myself. I wanted to share a dance with Ian, but I doubt that would be proper in my fathers eyes and raise suspicion that I wanted to avoid.

I thought to myself and did not find anything improper to excuse myself briefly to find Ian and briefly exchange words. So, that is what I did. I made my way through the ball room receiving greetings as I passed other members of royalty.

I discovered Ian standing near a wall not too far away looking highly un-amused. A smile tugged on my lips. He looked up and our eyes met. He bit his lip nervously. It was a habit of his to do that. I know he wanted to be here as much as I. He told me once he did not like being at events with large numbers of royalty surrounding him. He said it made him feel inadequate, but I assured him they were truly no better than him and the only difference was that they had riches and were full or arrogance.

I walked over to him and stood before him.

“When can we leave this place?” Ian asked quietly as his eyes glanced around to see if anyone was looking at us.

“Soon” I replied. He looked unsatisfied at my response. I walked away leaving him in a cross mood. It could not be helped and I quite enjoyed teasing him.

As I crossed the room a young prince who I had been introduced earlier asked my hand to accompany him in the next dance. I had no choice but to accept. If I had declined my father would be displeased and I did not want to hurt the princes’ pride either.

The song ended and with a small bow he left. The ball would soon be over and I was tired of participating in dances and wanted to rest my aching feet.

About another hour the ball was coming to a close. My father came over to me as people began to leave.

“Have you met any nice young princes’ that interest you my dear Rachel?” He questioned me in a low voice.

“I have met a few” I lied “That were quite good company and fine dancers” The response satisfied him and with a quick kiss on my forehead he left to bid our guests fair well.

As quickly and lady-like I could, I went looking for Ian and discovered him in the same place I had left him earlier.

“It is time to go” I spoke “I request that you accompany on my walk to my quarters”. There were still many guests and I could not talk to him in a friendly manner. That would not be ‘proper’. His face was emotionless and I could tell in his eyes he had something on his mind.

“Yes, my dear princess” He replied and offered me his arm and I accepted it. I wanted to question him about his thoughts, but that would have to wait.

We walked silently back to my bedroom. When we arrived I quickly glanced around to see if we were in the presence of any one else.

“Come in” I whispered quietly. He nodded and he gently swung the wooden door open allowing me to enter than quickly followed quietly closing the door behind me.

I grasped his hand and led him to the glass doors that led to the balcony. Light spilled in the room that the moon had given off and being the only light in the room.

“I want to talk to you Ian” I began “but first…can you” I hesitated. He raised an eyebrow in question. “I know this is not very lady-like…but I cannot bare to have this thing tightened anymore…what I mean is can you loosen this miserable corset?” By the time I had finished my face was flushed with color. I felt some-what of a brothel girl for asking such a request, but I was absolutely miserable in it.

“Yeah…” He replied softly and I turned around to allow him to access the cords that kept it tight. He hesitated before attempting to undo some of the cords. His fingers fumbled on them. I turned my head to look at him. Heat rose to my cheeks as he stopped fumbling with the cords and stared strait back at me.

I took in a deep breath realizing he had loosened the cords quite a bit allowing me to feel more comfortable in the wretched thing. Even with the corset loosened I found it difficult to catch my breath. Our bodies were almost touching and I could tell in his eyes he wanted more than friendship. He had always wanted it and so did I.

“What is on your mind Ian?” My voice came out barely above a whisper.

“…It is you” He answered in a small voice. “You have and will always be on my mind…”

His reply sent shivers down my spine and I could feel my face heat up even more.

“Rachel…” were his last words before our lips met. I was not sure who had first moved. His lips were sweet on my own. The kiss was gentle. He pulled away. “I cannot pretend anymore that I am not in love with you” Our lips met once again, but this time it was less gentle. His fingers brushed my jaw and down into the crook of my neck. Warmth followed as his fingers ran across my skin.

I felt him gently push me against the glass doors. If I did not have the doors to support me I was not sure I could stand without my knees buckling. The kiss deepened and I wrapped my arms tightly around him. He pulled away abruptly.

“Please stop me if you have no intention of letting this happen again” He pleaded in a husky voice. “I would not be able to bare having you one day and having to let you go-” I cut him off with my lips not wanting to hear the pain in his voice. I did not want to hurt him and had no intentions of doing so.

“I think I am in love with you” I whispered as I pulled away for a moment. In-between soft kisses along my jaw line he managed to reply.

“I know I am in love with you Rachel.”

“Oh Ian” I choked out and felt hot tears fall down my face “I want this more than anything, but what will happen when I am forced to marry someone I am not in love with?” Ian brushed the tears falling.

“I do not know” He whispered. “But we are here now, and that is this future. We cannot hide from the future, but right now… I need you” His words made my heart ache even more for him.

I allowed him to kiss me once again and the kiss became heated with pent up passion as our bodies were pressed up against each other. He pulled away with a moan.

“I’m sorry” He spoke quietly. “I do not mean to let myself to get carried away, forgive me” I pressed my lips gently to his cheek. We stood there silently for a few minutes wrapped in each others arms and listening to our breathing.

“I must go now” Ian said regretfully. I nodded in understanding. I gently kissed in farewell. “Good night”. I watched as he left quietly closing the wooden doors behind him.

Sadness filled me as I turned and stared at the full moon. I wondered if this secret affair would last, or would I be forced into a marriage where I did not love a man back? Would I still love Ian and have an affair and be called what brothel girls are often named.

The thoughts did not leave me even after I fell into a fitful sleep. Only the days ahead would actually tell me what my future held.

Days passed and the only thing I had heard from my father is how happy he was that I had made many acquaintances with many young eligible princes. It definitely was not a happy thing to note in my book as far as I was concerned. As always I had seen Ian throughout the days. We were only able to exchange a few quick words and kisses in private. They were no events that required Ian to “watch” me.

My father took the liberty off arranging days were I would get more acquainted with the eligible princes. I had no plans to actually get to know them. Why would I? They go around thinking they are higher than others. As mentioned before. I hated that royalty considered them selves to think they were actually better than other people. God forbid they took time to actually care about commoners. I would not want them to worry about soiling their royal garments or stress them selves out from their perfect life to care about commoners. It was even a law that if you spoke against the king you could be arrested! That is how much they wanted control over people even by silencing them with force.

Over time I would meet many young men. I saw the faint tinge of jealousness in Ian’s eyes when he saw me with a prince. I was not sure if it was because I was with another man or he was envious that he was not royalty. I chose the second. If he was royalty he loving me would not be questioned. I could not tell my father I loved a commoner. I would ruin my name. That is what he would say. I wanted to be with Ian, but it was not that simple. If my father discovered our secret affair he could forbid Ian from the castle and being with him would only be a distant thought. If we ran away together I would leave all my riches so it would leave us in the world with almost nothing and surely my father would send soldiers to search for me leaving Ian and I always on the run. That was no way to live a life. So right now I was helpless but to only love him in secret.

On the fourth day of being more acquainted, as my father called it, with the young princes, or what I called smiling and pretending I was interested in what they were saying, I was able to sneak away from my father’s watch. I met Ian in the study where no one visited during the night allowing us privacy from the outside world.

I wordlessly greeted Ian with a gentle kiss. When I pulled away Ian’s eyes were half open.

“I cannot live like this Rachel. I know we do not have any options right now, but I cannot do this forever. I want to be able to love you with out hiding it”. He whispered roughly.

“Yes…” I whispered sadly back. “One day I will break my ties from royalty, but as a seventeen year old I am powerless to do so”.

He grunted in reply and gently kissed me and let his head rest in the crook of my neck. Ian knew there was nothing we could do at the moment, but it still upset him. I wrapped my arms around him. I felt his hot breath on my neck. Silence surrounded us. We only wished to be together at this moment, even if it meant saying nothing.

I softly hummed an old tune I use to hear when I was younger. It was one of my favorites, but I had forgotten what it was called.

Ian ran his hand up and down my spine through my thin night gown, which was un-proper to wear in another’s presence, but I had to sneak out of my quarters in the middle of the night and if I was caught in the halls it would be odd if I was seen fully clothed.

I felt Ian’s course fingers run up my back and brush against my neck causing me to shudder. I looked up at him and his eyes seemed distant.

“I need to come up with a plan Ian” I spoke boldly. “This is no way to live… I cannot see you unhappy because of me” His eyes changed to concern.

“Do not think it is your fault I am unhappy. I know that you would not choose this life if you had the choice. So, do not think that way. I do not want to live this way, but at the moment it’s the only option we have if we wish to stay together. If we told your father I doubt that I would ever talk to you again, let alone see you”.

I wrapped my arms tightly against Ian as if he would suddenly be gone. He returned the embrace tightly and buried his face in my hair. Suddenly, he roughly pressed his lips against mine showing the grief he felt.

He pulled away after only a few short seconds. He rested his forehead against mine.

“Did you hear that?” Ian whispered as if someone could hear. I listened closely.

“No” I replied but he remained quiet. He swore under his breath and dragged me behind a massive book shelf and forced me to crouch beside him. He indicated for me to be quiet.

We crouched behind the shelf in silence, listening carefully. Suddenly I could hear the sound of footsteps from outside the door. The wooden door slowly opened with a squeal.

“Rachel?” A voice called. My heart thundered in my ears as I realized it was my father.

Ian’s eyes widened. I could tell that there was fear in his eyes. I grasped his hands tightly in my own. He began to stand and I tugged at him hoping he would stay.

“I’ll take care of it”. Ian whispered in my ear. I was unsure of how he would take care of this but fear ran through me. I watched as he quietly stood and walked away from our hiding place.

“It is Ian, sir” He greeted with a bow. “I am sorry have to disturbed you, master. I was looking at the books. Is there something I can assist you in?” I watched as Ian put up and act and no matter how convincing it sounded I still feared it would not work.

“Oh, Ian, I cannot find my daughter” My father spoke. “I walked passed her quarters and the door was swung open and she was not there. Have you seen her Ian?”

“No, master, I have not, but you know her. She likes to do things her own way. I am sure she is around here” Ian replied.

“I wish she would not escapade to where she pleases, especially at night. It is dangerous and that is irresponsible to worry everyone”.

“I am sure she does not do things in spite. She just wants her independence sir”.

“I suppose, but it is no excuse. She needs to be responsible.”

I stopped myself from laughing at his comment.

“She is still a child, sir.” My face flushed. Ian had never referred to me as a child and his words hurt me, but I knew in my heart what he said was partially untrue to protect us. He was correct in the sense that I wished to have my own independence.

“Indeed” My father began. “But, she is ready to marry and the years of her youth are almost gone”

Ian glanced my way before speaking. “Is there anything else I can do for you sir?”

My heart was racing hoping my father would not find anything suspicious and leave the way he entered.

“Nothing…” My father spoke. “I want to mention something though. Soon we will no longer need your services…I suspect for my daughter to have offers for her hand in marriage, though I worry if she will accept. She is quite stubborn. Maybe you could talk some sense into her.”

I felt as if the wind was knocked out of me. I felt hot tears pool in my eye and slowly escape. All of this hiding to be with Ian and none of it would be worth it. Soon he would be gone and I would be tied to another royal family. I heavily leaned against a bookshelf and covered my mouth so I would not sob.

“Yes sir” Ian replied quietly. “But I doubt me saying anything would change her mind. I believe it is her choice on who she wishes to marry.

“Yes, it is her choice, but she cannot be picky. She only has so many choices.” My father spoke highly. “Well, that is all. If you see my daughter tell her I wish her to return to her chambers.

As I heard my father leave I tried to stand but my knees would not hold me and I collapsed to the floor with a loud sob escaping my lips. Ian paused to make sure my father did not return and turned to me. He walked over to me and kneeled in front of me.

“I am sorry.” Ian apologized. He gathered me in his arms.

“Do not” I cried and wretched away from him. “Do not touch me” Ian looked pained as I said those words. “I cannot…I cannot be with you another day. The pain will be too much. Every time I will look at you all I will think about is not being with you. It hurts Ian! I cannot live this way. I loving you seem so impossible. I am such a fool!”

Ian pulled me tightly to his chest and I was too weak to pull away from his strong embrace.

“You are not a fool.” Ian said in an agonized voice. “How is it foolish to want to be with someone you love? You are not foolish. You are the most wonderful person I ever met and I love you!” He kissed my forehead lightly. He was trembling and my heart ached. I was not the only one hurting. He was too. I wordlessly embraced him back and cried into his chest.

Ian pulled away just enough to see my tear stained face. His fingers brushed my soaked cheeks. Tears suddenly spilled from his eyes.

“Rachel…” Ian began but stopped to calm himself. “My love… I do not know how to live with out. Since they day I met you I could tell you were special. Since that day I never wanted to be without you. I have been your shadow ever since. To protect you…and to love you. Living without…seems unreal. I feel like I am falling apart.” Ian was at a loss of words. I pressed my palm against his face and leaned into him and our lips touch. A spark shot through my body and I knew I would never feel this for any other person but him. He pressed his mouth against mine and I willingly kissed him back. His lips were warm against mine. Slowly, I felt my knees give and we fell to the floor on our knees.

Ian pulled away to look at my face. A smile played on his lips.

“You are so beautiful.” He whispered into my ear. “Even when you are crying.”

“It is hardly attracting for a women to ball like a baby” I retorted.

“I beg to differ.” A blush rose to my cheeks and a small laugh came from him.

Ian brushed my cheek with his hand.

“I do not deserve you…” Ian whispered looking past me.

“Do not say that.” I cried. “If anything you do not deserve this…this pain. I am a princess. The one who is suppose to have such a beautiful life and you are the one who is suppose to live on a farm; being happy with your cows…but no… I was the one who threw away a future that had everything and turned our world upside down…”

“No! That is not how it is…nothing is always as it seems…royalty is not always happy and farmers are not always satisfied being with their cows. We wanted something different. We wanted to be free Rachel. We were not greedy for wanting that. You want to know why!?” He stopped and breathed deeply. “We did this for the sake of love. That is why. We following the rules and the expectations from the rest of the world would not allow us to be together. But no one knows how powerful love is until they have felt it like you and I. When you are in love you sacrifice things. Rachel, you cannot blame yourself. We both made this decision. The decision to love each other. You are always trying to make other people happy, but for once let me make you happy.” I was speechless when he finished. His pleading eyes bored into my own eyes.

When I finally spoke the only words that spilled from my mouth were “I love you” That was the last thing I can recall before he kissed me again. This time as if it may be the last time. He feared it. I feared it. I prayed the moment would never end, but he pulled away and rested his forehead against mine.

He rose to his feet and pulled me up with him. We stood facing one another saying nothing. Wordlessly he kissed my forehead in a silent goodbye and quietly exited the room.

As I watched him leave I felt numbness overwhelm me. I do not remember how I made it to my room without collapsing in agony. All I can remember is when I laid on my bed my world became dark.

My world became lit the next morning but I will always feel as if my heart remained in the dark on that night. It was not the last night I saw Ian, but it was the night we realized that one day we would lose everything we had worked for.

My first proposal came a few days later from a young prince named William. He lived in the neighboring country and his father was a well-loved King to his people.

I politely rejected claiming I was not ready to make the decision. My father disapproved of my choice, but said it was okay and there were other princes to choose from. He would not approve that my choice would be none of them.

The last night I would ever see Ian was the best and worst night of my life. It was a few weeks after the night in the library. I had not yet accepted a proposal but my father decided Ian’s service was not needed any longer. I never would discover the exact reason, but somewhere in my heart I feared my father had grown suspicious of it. But if he made a big fuss over it, it would ruin his name. Something he would risk nothing for.

The night before Ian left, we secretly met in a study room. Words did not come to me as we stood there in the dark room. He kissed me gently as if I would break and I embraced him as if he would at the moment be gone from my life.

“I will never love again Ian… I cannot, so do not ask me too” I whispered to him.

“It is what I want you to do, but I know you are stubborn and will not bend to the rules of royalty… I guess are fates are not ones with each other sadly” Ian whispered.

“Where will you go?”

“I am not sure. I may travel from town to town before I settle” I pulled away from his embrace.

“I want you to have something” I reached into the pocket of my nightgown where I had placed the object. I took his hand and placed it in his open palm. “Here…so you always remember that I will never stop loving you Ian”. His eyes widened as he looked at it.

“This…”

“Is yours” I finished.

“It is your family’s pendant. I would be a common thief for me to accept this. It is the most valuable thing your family owns” He said as if I had lost my mind.

“That is why I want you to have it. It means nothing to me. Nothing unless you take it with you. Please. I do not care its worth. I want you to have it because it is proof that I will always love you!”

“You do not have to prove to me that you will never stop loving me. But I will take it with me. So everywhere I go a piece of you will always be with me” Ian embraced me once again as I felt tears fall.

“I promised myself I would not cry.” I muttered “Look at me, I am such a mess”

“I think crying now is inevitable. I do not hold it against you. How can I? This is our last moment together. The last day I can tell you that I love you.” His words stopped as I covered his mouth with my own. My head was spinning as he returned the kiss.

“I love you” I whispered when he pulled away.

“I love you too” He replied and kissed my forehead. “I…have to go…the sun will soon be rising” Pain showed on his face and I felt my heart break. I knew saying goodbye would be hard but I did not know it would hurt this much. Tears ran fresh down both of our faces. He kissed me and slowly let go of me.

“Goodbye my love” Were the last words I ever heard from him.

“Goodbye…” I managed to choke out. He slowly turned and left the room. It was the last time I would see him walk away from me. It hit me hard when he was gone. I felt numb and empty. A sob escaped me as I collapsed to the floor and cried uncontrollably.

Ian left as soon as the sun rose and I was not able to catch a glimpse of him going.

For weeks I spent my waking moments feeling numb and lost inside. I felt I that I lost all I ever wanted. A love that was not accepted in royalty. A love that seemed so right to me.

As the year went by Ian was on my mind every waking moment. I wondered everyday how he was. I hoped he was well. I put on a fake smile and cheerfulness in the company of others. I had confessed my feelings to no one, not even when I reluctantly accepted a proposal to marriage. By no means was this my idea. My father told me that I must accept and I had no opinion in this matter because I was not capable of making the decision when I was given the opportunity to choose who I wished too.

My future was decided for me. I knew that for as long as I can remember. I would never have control over my life. I felt as if I was a puppet being tugged by the strings; being pulled as I wandered. A life that I was leading was a life I never wanted. It was expected of me to carry on the tradition of royalty. I felt more of a slave then a princess.

People think that royalty is glamorous, but nothing is always as it seems. Gilded is the word to describe it.

END