Dear M;

I'm sorry I haven't written in a long time, but I've been really busy as of late. You know how it is when you just have too much to do. I haven't been sleeping lately and my dreams when I do sleep make me want to crawl under a rock and hide there. I'm embarrassed to even talk about it. I don't know how these things got into my head. I don't know how to get them to leave either. They make me want to stay awake forever. I don't think I could stand to have another dream like that. I don't know how many more times I can watch my friends die.

Yeah, that's what my dreams are about; my loved ones dying. I see them all happy and just living the way they should be. Then, all of a sudden, a demon will appear and start to tear them apart piece by piece while I just stand there and watch. I don't even try and stop them. They'll beg for mercy and cling to my legs in desperation, yet I still do nothing to help. I disgust myself with that and that's what scares me. The fact that I don't even care that they are dying until I wake up in a cold sweat.

Yeah, I'm busy, that's it. I don't dream as much during the day so that's when I sleep. Up all night and asleep for...the better part of the day. I guess there isn't much I can do about that. If I sleep at night the dreams become even more vivid and gruesome and there isn't much I can do to stop them. I tried sleeping pills, but then I don't wake up to stop the dreams. That's even worse. If I can wake up sometimes I can stop the worst from happening.

I guess maybe I should have my little head inspected. I mean, maybe I have a tumor or something. That would explain a lot, wouldn't it?