FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
A gift to my lovely readers because I’m a horrible, awful person who hasn’t written ANYTHING other than this and a collaborative project I’m working on all year because I have NO time. I have a month this summer where I might be able to write something, but then I’ll be in Japan for two months, so sadly this might be all you get for quite some time. I’m sorry!! But I hope you like it.
My name is Camden Jones. Last night, my dream came true. I slept with the boy I’ve been in love with for three years.
It was my freshman year in college when we first met. I was a Communications major with a concentration in television. I didn’t actually want to communicate with anyone, but I love TV and I figured that if I could work behind the scenes on TV shows for the rest of my life that would be good.
I didn’t know anyone going in to school and I hadn’t gone to an orientation because I’m from California and I’m going to school in Michigan and I didn’t want to have to fly there for 3 days. I just called and they told me how to register for classes and they gave me a random roommate.
My roommate was a football jock name Gabe that liked football, girls, and food. That was about it. Freshman year he was going to rush for a frat, but then we watched The Skulls and he changed his mind.
The thing about Gabe was his best friend, Chester. He was majoring in Engineering and I was in love the moment I saw him. Now I’m a very shy, withdrawn person. It’s very difficult for me to make friends and even more so for me to approach someone I’m attracted to. So where other people might make their affections known, I ignored him. He would come over and hang out, watch movies with Gabe, and I would sit on my computer and listen to my headphones or leave and go to the library. When we would all go to the dining hall together, I would ignore everything said and eat fast before leaving in a hurry. I refused to listen to anything he said. When I listened to his voice, it had adverse affects so it was something to always be avoided.
Oddly enough, Gabe and I have always gotten along very well. It’s an interesting dynamic when people see us together since he’s five times my size. We’re really good friends, though. I’m always very compliant with whatever he needs me to do and he doesn’t take advantage of this. Because of this, we’ve stayed roommates; the freshman dorms our first year, upper-classman dorms our sophomore year, and this year we’ve gotten a four-person on-campus apartment with me, Gabe, this guy Peter, and his friend, Jason. It was a two-bedroom apartment with a kitchenette, dining area, full bathroom, and a decent-sized living room. Gabe and I shared one room while Peter and Jason shared the other. Those three would hang together all of the time, usually with Chester and this other guy, Ben, and then I usually stayed by myself in our apartment or when I got dragged along, I would bring along my iPod and tune everything out.
I was increasingly uncomfortable whenever I was around Chester. We had a class together sophomore year. That first day he sat next to me and tried to make conversation, but I ignored him the whole time. After that, he never sat next to me again and I regret it, but I know it was the right choice to make. It’s gotten to where he ignores me right back, which hurts but I understand it. The other guys just all think I’m very self-involved. I’ve heard them arguing with Gabe about it, who defends me, but sometimes he gets mad at me for it, for being so reclusive and only ever being myself around him - I can’t help it.
But when no one’s looking, I stare at Chester. My heart flames up and I can feel myself blushing and I get just a little nauseous, but not enough to deter me from sneaking my loving glances. He’s gorgeous. His hair is buzzed so there’s just a quarter inch of blonde peach-fuzz and he has a strong, muscled swimmers build that he covers in form-fitting t-shirts and loose, worn jeans. Sometimes he wears a track jacket or military jacket, or a suit jacket. I think he looks sexy in all of them.
I’ve gotten completely off topic here. So here’s what happened last night…
It’s a house party, someone living just on the edge of campus without being connected with a frat. Gabe had dragged me along, saying it would be good for me to get out of the apartment and hang out with people other than my computer and textbooks. I didn’t agree with this idea, but he wouldn’t let me dissuade him.
So here I am at the party, a warm, cheap beer-filled plastic cup in my hand while people milled around me and ignored me. I’m the quiet kid with mousy brown hair and boring brown eyes. I’m wearing a simple black t-shirt with a band logo on it (the Blood Brothers) and tight jeans that were girl-jeans, but that’s because it’s impossible for me to find proper-fitting men’s pants since I’m so short and skinny. I’m very short, landing at a solid 5’4” where the rest of the guys at the party looked to be over 6 foot, all of them. The girls all flirt with them while I sip my beer. It was disgusting, but if you’re drinking beer, no one starts to talk bad about you or question you on why you’re at the party.
I see Chester across the room. He’s with his friend, Ben, and they’re talking to a group of trashy looking girls. I frown and hold my beer tightly, and chug the rest of it before going to the kitchen where the keg is and getting a refill. I want to be drunk if I’m going to have to see that.
I take my beer and head to another part of the house. I see Gabe outside through the large French windows, telling a large group of people one of his football stories. He sees me and waves then returns to his story. I walked over to an empty area and stood against a wall, waiting for the party to be over so I could go home without Gabe spending all of tomorrow giving me disappointed looks.
“Camden?”
I turn around and there’s Chester, smiling at me. “Yeah?”
“Saw you standing all by yourself. Thought I’d come and give you some company.”
His voice makes my knees quiver. I can’t help but think of all the times I’d gotten myself off in the shower, imagining that voice whispering things into my ear, his hands touching me instead of my own.
“Are you enjoying the party?” he asks and I shrug.
“Not really.”
He nods and looks around, “We should go upstairs.” He says and my eyes bug out a little, “It’s quieter and we can talk. You game?” Does this mean what I think it means? Does he… want me? No. No, there’s no way that’s what he means by going upstairs to talk. He probably just wants to talk and I almost have enough alcohol in my body to handle talking to him.
I nod and follow him as he walks into the next room where the staircase is. No one is paying any attention to us, but I’m still so nervous that I’m quickly drinking the liquid sloshing around in my cup. Once it’s empty, I toss it on the floor. This isn’t good. For someone my size, I get drunk pretty quick. I’m not drunk at this point, but quite tipsy. One more would put me over the edge, but I’m busy following Chester into an empty bedroom.
Before I know what’s going on, the door has been slammed shut and I’ve been shoved on my back, looking up at Chester, whose hands are on my shoulders, pinning me to the mattress.
“Chester, wha-”
His mouth is against mine and I’m in Heaven, groaning with pleasure. It was my second kiss ever, the first being the girl I took to prom. She’d been the daughter of a friend of my foster-mom and she’d been asked to go with me so I didn’t have to go alone. She was sweet and cute and it had been she who’d kissed me at the end of the night, never to contact me again. It was ok.
But now my mouth is being assaulted by Chester’s, his tongue pillaging my mouth in a way that didn’t even happen in my dreams. His hands were everywhere, molesting me, going under my clothes were no one has ever touched me in this way. I was nervous and I didn’t know what the do with my hands, so I just wrapped them around his neck, more to keep him from escaping than anything else. I finally had the man I’d wanted forever and here he was, kissing me, touching me.
He pulls away from me and I let out a saddened moan. He grins before ripping off my t-shirt and throwing it in the cornering, giving me another quick kiss, and tearing off his own before kissing me again, hard. He makes his way down my neck while caressing my bare chest biting me and licking me.
I’m so happy tears come to my eyes. He wants me. Oh god, he wants me and I never thought he would. He wants me with my petite, girly frame and my pasty white skin and my concave stomach and plain features. I gasp and moan with every nip, every lip, every kiss. I want this to last forever and ever.
Without my noticing, his hands are opening my jeans and he shoves his hand inside my boxers. I gasp and moan loudly. No one had ever touched me there, ever. I’m not sure how to deal with the sensations shooting up my body. I arch and let out a strangled groan.
“You like that?” he asks and I can’t speak, just let out pants that sound like an affirmative answer. He starts jerking me roughly and I have never felt so amazing.
“Stop,” I gasp, “Stop, I’m gonna cum!” He slows down, but continues fondling my cock and I try to catch my breath.
He leans forward and places a sweet kiss on my mouth before asking gently, “Can I fuck you?”
That is big. That is huge. I hadn’t imagined going that far… But this was what he wanted. And what if I denied him and then he decided he didn’t want me anymore? I want him to want me so badly; I don’t want to disappoint him. I’d always imagined him being my first time anyway, so why did it matter? So what if it was a bit sooner than I’d planned? It doesn’t matter as long as it’s him. I nod.
It takes him a moment to scramble around the room to find a bottle of skin lotion and come back. I’m nervous. I think it shows on my face.
He stops and stares at me for a moment, “This is your first time isn’t it?”
“No!” I protest, hoping he won’t decide he doesn’t want me because I’m not experienced, “It’s just been a while, so go gently.”
He grins and nods before dropping his pants and jumping on top of me. I laugh a little and he smiles and chuckles, kissing my cheek before yanking off my jeans a boxer briefs in one smooth motion. “God, you’re gorgeous,” he sighs, before popping the lotion open and moving his hand under me.
It feels weird and the lotion is cold. At first I’m not sure I like it, but he keeps moving his fingers around and it starts to feel better. I have never been so hard before in my life and I know I won’t last long. Hopefully he doesn’t look down on me. I would hate if he were disappointed in me.
While he was fingering me, he asks, “Does Gabe know you’re… you know, gay?”
I shake my head, “I didn’t know how he’d take it so I just kept it a secret.”
“We’ll probably wanna keep this secret then, yeah?” I think about it and agreed. I don’t want Gabe to be mad at me.
“What about you?” I ask, “Does anybody know about you?”
He decides I’m ready so he reaches down and pulls a condom out of his jeans before ripping it open with his teeth, which I think is insanely sexy. As he puts it on, he shrugs and says, “My brother knows, but he prefers to ignore it most of the time. We’re not very close anymore because of it. Um, are you ready?”
I nod.
“Ok. Just stay nice and relaxed and it’ll be fine, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
It hurts but somehow I manage to keep it from showing on my face. It’s a wasted effort because his eyes are shut tight as he slides inside of me. I’m gasping and he’s panting and I’m hyper-sensitive, able to hear every little sound from outside, noticing how rough the bedspread that we were ruining felt, what it felt like to slowly be filled with Chester. Nothing has ever felt so amazing before and I start letting out these unattractive little squeaking noises that makes Chester smirk in a good way and I smile a little when he tells me he was all the way in.
“You good?”
I nod breathlessly, knowing at this point my voice isn’t going to work at all. He pulls out and thrusts back in and I let out a gasping, moaning squeak that made him grin and laugh a little before he repeated the action, slowly at first, then picking up his pace, thrusting in and out with speed and rhythm. I’m gasping and squeaking and moaning, louder and louder, and he keeps grunting in a sexy way and panting harder and harder as his thrusts came faster and harder. I have never felt anything so wonderful in my life and it’s not long before I’m pushed over the edge without him having to touch my arousal at all.
I scream my completion and it’s just a few more thrusts before he follows, filling the condom. I’m a little sad the condom was there, wishing I could feel his semen filling me. He rides out his orgasm, continuing thrusting a few more times with jerky movements before this slowed to a stop and fell on top of me. I smile and start running my fingers through his sweaty peach-fuzz. I love the feel of it and smile when he moved his head into my strokes.
He pulls away a little to pull out of me and pull off the condom, throwing it in the general direction of a trash can next to the desk of who ever this room belongs to. I feel kind of bad for them, but when Chester lies on my chest again and nuzzles my arm for me to go back to stroking his hair, I stop caring and happily rub his head and wrap an arm around him. He’s lying on top of me, gasping for air and the compression makes me pant for air as well.
“How was it?” he asks, still trying to catch his breath.
“It was amazing,” I sigh and press a kiss to his forehead, “You were amazing.”
He looks at me, his cool green eyes smiling at me. “You weren’t bad yourself,” he chuckles. I want to hold him like this forever. I’m about to say this when he glances at the clock and makes a distasteful noise.
“What?” I ask.
“I have to meet up with Ben in ten minutes. We’re leaving and I said I’d leave with him.”
My heart breaks, knowing our night together was soon to end. I ask weakly “Do you have to go?”
“Yeah,” he sighs and rolls off of me, sitting on the side of the bed as he picks up his jeans and pulls them on, “You should probably get dressed, too. Gabe will be looking for you soon.”
I nod but I don’t move, preferring to watch him. The room is cold and I shiver a little, but I just watch as he pulls on his shirt. He looks down at me and grins before flopping down on the bed again; he’s fully clothed while I’m naked.
He kisses me, one last time. It’s gentle and smooth, but passionate. He gives my ass a squeeze and my nipple a pinch before pulling away and saying good-bye. He leaves the room and I sigh and start pulling on my clothes. There’s cum on the bedspread and a used condom on the floor. I’m too drained to clean it up, though. Poor person. That’s the trials of throwing a college party, I guess.
Once I’m fully clothed, I go down stairs. Everyone is still milling around, but the crowd had significantly depleted. It’s easy to find Gabe, who is looking for me. He’s still surrounded by people, but less this time and another person is telling a story.
“You almost ready to get going?” he asks and I nod. I can already tell that I would be sore by tomorrow and I want to go home and take a long hot shower.
“Where are Peter and Jason?” I ask.
Gabe shrugs his enormous shoulders, “Pretty sure they left already.”
He wraps up the conversation and he excuses himself. We start to walk across campus, but my legs and ass hurt and I start to limp noticeably.
“You ok there, Cam?” asks Gabe, a worried note to his voice.
I answer too quickly and defensively, “Yes! Yeah, I’m fine. I um, I just, uh, I played this game with these guys and I think it uh, wore me out more than I thought it did.”
Gabe looks unconvinced, but he walks in front of me and squats down, “Get on my back. I’ll carry you.”
I sigh. It’s easy for Gabe to carry my 96 lb. body (I’m significantly underweight, I know.) on his back and I don’t want him to, but I’m in quite a bit of pain.
Gabe carries me back to our apartment. By the time we get there, I’m completely asleep.
I sat next to him in a class we share and he just nodded at me and talked to the person next to him, didn’t even say a word to me.
It’s had adverse effects on me. I’ve stopped eating, I can barely sleep at night, and I can barely focus in my classes. Some of my Profs have even pulled me aside to ask what was going on and I didn’t even know what to say.
The other guys in my dorm had noticed something was off, but no one said anything about it, not until Gabe asks me if I want to go to Taco Bell with him and Chester and I burst into tears. I can’t stop crying, either. Painful, body wracking sob wretches through my body and Gabe holds me while I shake.
“God, Camden, what’s the hell’s wrong with you?” he asks and I cry harder.
“I don’t know!” I shout through my tear-streaked face. Jason and Pete peek in the room, but neither say anything. I just keep shouting and crying, “What’s wrong with me, Gabe? Why doesn’t he want me? Was I not good enough? I tried, I did! I’m not good enough, I’m not! I’m ugly and he doesn’t want me and I wasn’t good enough!”
Gabe was figuring things out I think. Not fully, but he had some idea. He was a smart guy, “Who, Cam? Who doesn’t want you?”
I stop screaming, but the sobs keep coming so I’m out of breath and I keep gasping and panting. Weakly, I whisper Chester’s name through my tears.
Gabe’s face turns to stone and he looks over at our two other roommates, “Go get Chester,” he hisses, his voice as hard and cold as pure steel. He holds me tighter and I bury my face in his chest, sobbing weakly.
I’ve never had this bad of a breakdown. I’ve had a pretty difficult life, but I don’t like to complain and I don’t like to dwell on it. I won’t go into the details, but things have never been easy for me. After the things I’ve been through, I feel stupid that this is the one that’s hurting me the most deeply.
Gabe is great at comforting, but he’s got three younger sisters, all of them still very small, so I understand. He just rubs my back and pets my hair while I cry. I hear the door open and Chester’s voice, asking the guys what’s going on and I tense up.
“Chester, get it here,” Gabe shouts angrily. Chester enters the room and shuts the door behind him on Gabe’s orders.
“What’s wrong?” asks Chester.
Gabe glares at him, “You tell me, Ches. What did you do to Camden?”
I don’t look at Chester but I can hear the confusion in his voice, “What are you talking about?”
“The party!” I scream and pull away from Gabe’s strong arms, “The party where you fucked me and now you don’t even talk to me! I know you said wanted to keep it a secret, but it would be nice if you would at least acknowledge me, you dick!”
Gabe and Chester are staring at me with wide eyes.
Chester swallowed and asks quietly, “What else did I say, Camden?”
I stare at him in confusion. What the hell?
“Chester,” Gabe says softly, “Do you think…?”
“Get him in my car,” Chester says stonily, his face as cold as ice. I blink in confusion and Gabe just nods curtly and picks me up. We leave the dorm and I’m thrown in the back of Chester’s large black SUV. The two sit in the front seat and I look around in confusion.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
Gabe sighs, “Go to sleep, Camden. We’ll wake you when we get there.”
“But where are we going?”
“You’ll know when we get there.”
Chester turns the radio on to NPR and changes it so the speakers only played in the back and he and Gabe talk in hushed voices so I can’t hear what they’re saying. I ‘m already so exhausted that I fall asleep.
“Camden, get up,” Gabe order, “We’re here.” I get out of the car and follow him and Chester into what looks like a large dorm building. It’s somewhat dark outside, but I recognize the campus as a school near our own, about an hour away. I had toured here, but I didn’t like it as much as our school. Well, that and they’d only offered me enough scholarship money to cover tuition whereas our school was giving me a full ride, all four years.
Chester seems to know exactly where he’s going, walking to the stairs and up three flights with Gabe and me trailing behind him. He walks down the hall to a room and pounds on the door, “Reid!” he shouts angrily, “Open the fucking door!”
The door opens and exact copy of Chester opens the door and gets to stand there for one second before Chester’s fist connects with his face, sending him to the ground.
“Holy shit!” I hear someone from inside the room shout, but I’m too busy hyperventilating to care who it is. What the hell? What’s going on? Who is he? Why does he look like Chester? Why is Chester screaming at him and kicking him? Why does Gabe have to hold Chester back, who just keeps screaming at his anguish copy on the floor?
“Reid, get up!” Chester screams, “Get up, you fucking faggot! What the fuck did you do to Camden? Reid! Get the fuck up!”
Slowly, the person called Reid stands up and wipes the blood from his lip with the back of his hand.
“Jimmy, could you leave us alone for a few minutes?” A smaller person who seemed to be Reid’s roommate hurries out of the room. Gabe quickly pulls me inside and the door is shut and locked.
“You’ve got a lot to explain, Reid, so I suggest you fucking get started.”
Reid doesn’t speak and he certainly doesn’t look at me.
I swallow nervously, “What um, what is going on?” I ask weakly.
“Camden,” Gabe says gently, “This is Chester’s identical twin brother, Reid. He was visiting his brother at our school a few weeks ago, as I’m sure you remember.”
I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe! Why? Why is this happening to me? I can’t stop the tears from escaping my eyes as I whisper, “Oh.”
It hadn’t been Chester. It had… It was Chester’s brother I gave my first time to. Chester had never wanted me. It hadn’t been him. Reid.
“Oh…” I say again.
Then I faint.
“I can’t believe you would rape my best friend’s roommate! What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you sick or something? By all means Camden should prosecute you’re demented ass!”
“I didn’t rape him,” Reid protests, “It was completely consensual!”
Gabe breaks in, “Except he thought you were Chester.”
Chester looks a little nauseous, “Could we not talk about that aspect?”
He thinks I’m disgusting. That thought hurts.
Gabe sighs heavily, “God, Reid, why the hell did you do this? What were you trying to do?”
“I’d like to know that, too,” I say quietly, making everyone in the room look at me. I cower slightly.
Reid sighs and looks down at his hands that wrung together in his lap, “Could I talk to Camden alone for a few minutes please?” Chester glares down at him. Reid also cowers, which makes me feel a bit less pathetic about doing it myself. I’m not sure I want to be left alone with Reid, but I want answers to my questions so I handle it.
Gabe and Chester grudgingly leave the room, Reid getting another smack on the back of the head before we’re alone. I give him a questioning look and he sighs.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. That isn’t all that I want to hear, so I just wait for him to continue, “I’d seen pictures of you before. I’m a Digital Photography and Computer Graphics major here so Chester always has me touch up his photos and crap like that. I… I always noticed you. You were so cute and… You were always on the edges of the group, looking at Chester, I noticed. You’d grin when someone else had an arm around you, but when it was Chester, you’d blush and look uncomfortable. I spent a lot of time looking at these pictures when I was working on them, so he didn’t notice, but I did.
“I was curious about you. I’d ask about you and he’d blow me off. I decided I wanted to meet you so I asked to visit for a weekend. Then I noticed you at the party and I decided to take my chance. I had actually cut my hair so I looked like Chester and dressed more like him so you’d think I was him. I… god, I wanted you so bad, I wasn’t thinking right. You are… You’re so beautiful and I just couldn’t help myself and I’m so sorry I hurt you and god, I hope you’ll forgive me…”
“Why didn’t you just talk to me?” I ask softly, staring at a loose string on the bedspread because I’m too nervous to look him in the eyes.
Reid sighs, “My brother and I are completely different. What if you really liked him, but you didn’t like me? I didn’t want to find out if I could have you without having to worry about rejection.”
How would that have worked? I barely know anything about Chester so…
It suddenly hits me that my attraction for Chester is purely physical. I’ve never even realized that before. I was so focused on how my body reacted when I was near him; I never realized I needed more than that.
“You don’t know anything about me…”
Reid blushes and whispers, “I know a lot more than you think I do.”
Now I’m a little worried. I give him a questioning look and he blushes harder.
“I’m not creepy, ok?” Reid says defensively, “I just... ok, so this is a little creepy, I guess. I was curious about you, but Chester didn’t know anything so I got onto his e-mail account and found your e-mail address on the campus address book. Then I, uh, searched it on Google and I found your MySpace and your LJ and all of that crap and uh, I read it all. So I know a lot about you it, but not everything.”
I’m speechless. Why... why would he feel this way about me? I’m nothing special. I’m unattractive and socially awkward and I’m damaged and… and…
And he’s the only person who has ever made me felt loved. Is that pathetic or what?
“I also know you lied,” he whispers, “The day after... your LJ post? It was your first time… And I know I made you depressed and I hurt you and I... I’m sorry, I regretted it after I did it, but I didn’t know how to make it right and now you probably hate me and I’m a horrible person, but…” He sighs and I see that he’s crying, tears rolling slowly down his cheeks. He looks at me and swallows, “When I look at you, I feel whole.”
He makes me feel like crying too, but my tears have all been used up. I sigh and motion for him to come closer.
He moves over to the bed and sits down. I pull him to a position so he has to lie down next to me and I start petting his hair that has grown longer since the last time I’d seen him. Chester re-trimmed his every two weeks because it grew fast, so Reid’s was growing out, at the length where it looks kind of stupid. It makes me laugh a little. I pet him none the less and he watches me lovingly. I’m a little uncomfortable with it, but I still like him looking at me that way.
“If this is going to work,” I whisper, my voice a little cracked and rough, “You have to stop the creepy stalking stuff, ok? You have to talk to me to get to know me, ok?”
He’s staring at me now like I’m the most amazing person on the planet, “You serious?”
“Well, if you feel something so incredible for me, then obviously this is meant to be and I just have to get to know so it’ll work, right?”
He blinks, “You serious?”
“No,” I say flatly, making his face crumple a little, “But it’s worth a shot, right?”
His face lights up like a spotlight and suddenly his mouth is crushing mine and I let out a loud, surprised noise before smiling and kissing him back. I can deal with this. Yeah. This could work.
The door bursts open and Gabe runs inside. We quickly pulled apart and stare at him. Gabe looks confused for a moment then angrily growls, “Did he hurt you?”
“No,” I say dryly, then grab Reid’s face to continue our kiss. Chester walks in and blanches.
“Oh, come on! Not in front of me!”
I pull away and yell, “Then get out!” before continuing. Reid laughs into our kiss and rolls so he’s on top of me.
“Do we have time for more… strenuous activities?” he asks quietly.
I frown, “They’ll probably want to head back to campus soon…” Reid looked sad, “Forget them, they can wait!” I said boldly and continue our kiss. Reid laughs and proceeds to make me forget my name while I shout his.
Reid was there the day I graduated, snapping photos, stealing kisses, and introducing me to his parents. His own graduation was the next day and then we would move to Denver where he had a job as a person who retouches photos at a photo studio and I had a job at a TV studio running errands. Neither of these jobs were ideal, but they would pay the rent on the apartment we planned to share and that was what really matters.
So we had a rough start. That’s ok. As long as the end is no where in sight…