This thing is special, I want you all to know this. And I suppose I should get a couple of things across first...one, this is crap. It started out well, but then it slowly devolved as I devoted less and less thought to it. I still love it, though. The ending is my favourite.

And yes, this is Osiris, first pharaoh of Egypt and ruler of the Underworld. I have taken him and twisted him into an angst-ridden-but-slowly-getting-over-it muse, and he's gay. Like, had to be totally wasted/dead to be involved in anything with the opposite gender gay.

He was also a bit of a sex fiend back in the day, so that should explain some things once you get further into the story. Granted, he's one now, but it's a monogamous thing. Also, when Osiris first met Orion in...well, in my canon-verse, they didn't do anything for ages despite the fact that the desire to do so was probably there, 'cause...hey. It really isn't all about sex for 'em.

And...with that mini-rant concluded, I guess you can read this now.

Ra/y belongs to Seirei :3

--

Nut walked through the halls with the sort of determination one carries when about to do something utterly and completely evil in the sort of way that makes children complain and sulk to their friends about the unfairness of it all. She minded not one bit, especially because this particular mission involved the pharaoh--her son, Osiris, the god-king of a country that was rather like Egypt, only not for the sake of this magical tale. For starters, there was a large outcropping of distinctly un-desert like trees not too far away from the palace, in which his great-grandfather lived. Said god was crazy, but such a trait was common in his family so few thought much of it.

The goddess smirked evilly when she caught sight of the young king sprawled out on his throne, viewing the mostly empty room with obvious boredom. Unfortunately for him, he had managed to smooth the vast majority of the problems in their country out to the point where audiences were requested only rarely. It was a good thing for his people, but that didn't impede his boredom in any way.

"Osiris. I've got something for you to do." Nut strolled over to the throne and dropped a red cloak on Osiris, though she continued to hold the basket full of good-for-you food objects. "Ra's sick, and you need to take this out to him."

"I need to? I'm afraid I'm busy watching nothing happen," he replied sullenly, which was the largest reason as to why she had selected him for the task. He and Ra hated each other immensely, but the god had been in a morose mood for weeks now and no one was really sure why.

"And I'm afraid I didn't give you a choice. Yes, it means I'm giving the almighty pharaoh a command, but it's a right I'm granted as your mother. Nothing'll happen today, and you sneak away half the time anyway." She grinned at Osiris's expression and watched as he stood and shrugged the cloak on. It wouldn't normally be needed in the desert country, but the woods were damp and chilly and generally uncomfortable for anyone who entered them. Why their sun god insisted in living there, no one knew.

He sighed heavily as he was handed the basket, trying to get across how annoyed he was at having to visit Ra. "Couldn't you send someone who actually gives a damn about him? You know, practically everyone else?"

"You've been sulking too much lately, kid, and it's starting to annoy some of us. I would have chosen someone else, but I thought it might cheer you up." That was naught but a lie; Nut just wanted to get him out of the palace for a bit.

Osiris grumbled something under his breath and turned to leave, though he smiled innocently at the questioning look he recieved and repeated the complaing a little louder. "I said, you'd be morose too if you hadn't been laid in months. And off I go, to...deliver goodies to a lame and lazy god who, by all means, should be impervious to a great deal of things, especially sicknesses in general. Stop glaring at me like that, I'm really leaving now."

--

To be honest, the bright sunlight felt rather good even with the red cloak blocking the vast majority of it. He forgot what it was like to laze around in the gardens in the middle of the day, and made a note to do so once he got back--even if it would probably be late afternoon by then. Besides, Osiris refused to admit that actually getting outside had done any good, so it'd probably be best to avoid the inside of the palace. Nut was prone to gloating when correct.

Maybe he'd venture out to one of the nearby taverns instead. Alcohol sounded nice. Really, really nice...

For a few moments, the god wondered what would happen if he ignored Nut entirely and wandered away to get plastered. Then the idea was trashed; nothing really came to mind, but something would take place and there was no chance of it being good.

Someday Osiris would convince his family to respect him. Everyone else did, but Set was prone to his stupid mocking and occasional stabbyness and Geb told stories from when he was young and decidedly more innocent.

The woods were, as usual, dark and foreboding with a creepy air that made the hair on the back of his neck rise. He hated coming here with a burning passion, though he had never really worried about the 'fearsome' animals that called it home. They didn't usually bother humans, and almost never came near the gods who wandered through periodically.

The latter statement would change soon, but it wouldn't be a turn for the worse, not by a longshot.

It wasn't abnormal for eyes to be focused on Osiris as he moved along, looking around periodically to see if there were any stray scorpions or snakes underfoot. He wasn't sure what it would be like to be stung, but in the middle of nowhere, it would be slightly unpleasant. A second mental note was made, this one concerning teleportation and learning how to do so.

Before too much longer, he realized that something was following him quietly--that was unusual. The god didn't worry, though; he had long since perfected the ability to make things explode. It had nothing to do with any of his built-in powers, but it did come in handy as he was incapable of fighting competently. So, with that in mind, he summoned one of the small, glowing orbs and turned around.

The object faded as soon as he caught sight of the creature that had been following him; on top of that, his knees went weak and he discovered shortly that he was gaping. It didn't surprise Osiris, though; there was a man standing there, and he was gorgeous. He had long, long silver hair, alabaster skin, and bright green eyes--all of which were extremely strange in the desert. He also sported a pair of large, dusty red jackal ears and a tail to match.

The man cocked his head to the side, looking faintly intrigued that there was another humanoid being in the forest. "People don't come through here often," he said, his voice soft and quite pleasantly deep. "Are you lost?"

"N-no, I'm not lost..." Why was he stuttering? Why the bloody fuck was he stuttering? It was a wonderful impression, to be sure; it wasn't often that one saw the almighty ruler of their fair country acting like a lovesick puppy with shaking knees and a stutter. "I was forced into bringing this to my great-grandfather because he somehow managed to get sick," Osiris added, gesturing towards the basket.

Only one person lived in the forest; well, aside from said person's girlfriend. She most definitely wasn't anyone's great-grandfather, so it wasn't too difficult to determine the king's identity. "You're...Osiris, then? Of all the people I'd ever see here, I never thought it would be the pharaoh..." The tall man stepped forward, circling the older man curiously.

"I'm definitely not here often." He could see that changing, but for the moment, Osiris attempted to regain his composure. He straightened slightly and pretended that he was utterly and completely unaffected by the other man's proximity. "But yes, I'm Osiris. You are...?"

"Orion. Forgive me for disturbing you," he said, stepping away towards the thick of the forest. "I'll leave you to your task," Orion added before disappearing behind a tree. He didn't move for a few moments, debating on the best way to get to Ra's home before the other man could get there.

The god frowned faintly when the jackal disappeared, having been momentarily distracted by his name. The constellation of Orion was relatively important to him--relatively meaning a great deal--and he had never before come across someone who was called that before now.

"I suppose it doesn't matter," he murmured to himself, feeling oddly dejected despite the fact that their meeting had been brief and entirely impersonal. With that rather depressing thought, Osiris continued on his journey, looking forward to it being finished so he could return home and get blissfully wasted.

--

The forest passed by like a blur as the pale man darted along, never making a sound as he moved over old foliage. Orion could just barely see Ra's house ahead, and he was once again struck by how ridiculous it seemed to have something so large for all of two people, even if it did belong to one of the most important gods.

Upon reaching the home, he poked around curiously to determine whether or not Alex--the crazy girlfriend--was around. He fought her frequently and won every time, so it wouldn't be an issue if she was there. She wasn't, though, and he moved through the unlocked door.

It took all of three minutes to locate Ra, and only one more to lock him in a closet so he was out of the way. The god slept like the dead in his feverish state.

All the important things were soon taken care of, so Orion sat down and waited, his green eyes focused intently on the door that Osiris would--hopefully--be walking through soon.

--

Osiris more or less kicked the door open, having gone from sulky to kind of annoyed to downright pissed off. It happened occasionally, as he was still physically a teenager and therefore prone to odd hormones that made him want to stab things repeatedly. Sometimes he did. It was fun watching Set freak when the tables were turned, after all.

He then stomped up the stairs, taking them two at a time, before making it to his great-grandfather's bedroom. Chucking the basket at Ra's head would relieve some of his anger, though chances were it'd get him in trouble later--and then his train of thought died, as someone who was most definately not related to him was leaning against the bedframe. "...You're not Ra," the god said intelligently, dropping the basket at his side.

"I daresay I'm not," Orion replied, a smirk tugging on the corner of his mouth. "Are you curious as to where he is?"

"Not particularly." With all feelings of shyness or perhaps apprehension nothing but a distant memory, the older man approached the jackal. "My...what large ears you have," he said appreciatively, gently stroking one of the appendages. It elicted a positive response, much to his relief.

"All the better to hear you with," the other said, his smirk widening further.

"What bright eyes you have..."

"All the better to see you with, no?"

"And...what soft lips you have..."

The response was lost as Osiris leaned up, kissing him with a fervor that revealed just how nice it was to have that sort of physical contact again.

--

Alex looked at the front door suspiciously, as she was pretty damn sure she had at least closed it before leaving. Unless Ra had wandered downstairs in a feverish daze to open it, it couldn't mean anything good. She sighed lightly and shook her head, hefting the axe she had grown so fond of upon discovering it. The thing was rather rusty looking, and the blade was far from sharp, but when it came to hacking things apart and inflicting maximum damage, there were few things better.

The thief walked inside, not bothering to be sneaky; she gave the entry a cursory once-over, noting that nothing was out of place.

It was around then that she noticed a strange sound. Alex advanced onto the stairs, her eyes narrowing as she got closer to the landing. Oh, that sound was unmistakeable, but who could possibly be involved in such nefarious things in her--but mostly Ra's--house? The god hardly had the energy to move so it couldn't be him.

A scream reverberated through the household a minute later, though it hardly disturbed the pair.

They were rather lucky she hadn't expected to see Osiris--who she hated immensely--with Orion--who she also hated immensely, but probably moreso--because the sheer amount of horror at seing them nude and rather intimate with each other overloaded her zombie brain.

Said horror didn't stop her from gleefully telling Ra what had happened on the floor of his bedroom once he was well enough to fully comprehend her words, though.

--

Needless to say, Nut did wind up gloating because when the young king finally returned home he was...well, giddy. Really, insanely giddy, as if he had been continuously drunk without any negative side affects.

Isis was rather put out, though; Osiris seemed oddly attached to the lovely jackal that had accompanied him back, which meant he had even less attention to devote to both her and their mockery of a marriage.

He was happy, though, and that was what mattered. And guess what?

They really did live happily ever after.