Where I’m From

Where I’m from it matters how much I weigh

Where I’m from how much I eat is of vital importance

And needs to be recorded meticulously

Where I’m from an ice cream cone is cause for extreme panic and guilt

Where I’m from eating more then an orange means I should force myself to throw up

Or else I’m a failure

The place where I’m from is sad but familiar,

The place where I’m from is a place to avoid,

Despite its alluring pull

Where I’m from it’s normal to have IV lines threaded in my veins

And more bruises then a beat up apple

It’s a place where fifteen-year-olds need child size blood pressure cuffs

It’s a place where NG tubes jammed up noses

And multiple doctor visits per month are things to get used to

It’s a place filled with hospitals and fluorescent lights

It’s a place where being constantly watched like a specimen in a lab

Is something to expect

Where I’m from your own body is something to be hated

Where I’m from the way to get in control of your life

Is by controlling your weight

Sometimes I want to get away from here

But I’ve been standing here so long

The once wet cement around my feet has dried

And they refuse to budge

I want to go somewhere

Where freedom from obsessions is possible

I want to go somewhere where total acceptance is advertised in magazines and on TV

I want to go somewhere where body image distortions are a thing of the past

I want to go somewhere that I can feel comfortable

And at the same time take care of myself

I want to go somewhere where I can be at peace with my own body

I don’t know if I’ll ever get there

I don’t know if its possible for me to climb out of the grave I’ve been digging for myself

All these years

Right now I’m paralyzed with fear

But maybe in the future

I’ll get away from here.

Crying for You You cry

And I hurt inside

I wish the world wasn’t so cold

I wish the world

I wish the world didn’t take from you

All the things it stole

Out of your small hands

You cry

And I hurt inside

You tell me of your struggles

How you don’t know if it’s worth it to keep living

Because the pain inside is too intense

You tell me of the way you hate your body so

How you won’t eat because it scares you

How you purge yourself of food

Because it’s the only way for you to

Feel innocent and pure once more

You cry

And I hurt inside

As I realize how much you’ve lost in your short life

I mourn the childhood of which you were robbed

And wish I could give it back

You and I hurt inside

I want to rub your back and hug you close

And remind you of how strong

You’ve already proven yourself to be

And how your bravery trumps your feelings of fragilitly

I want to tell you that it’s okay to cry

It just means your pulling the release valve

On all those difficult feelings you have stuffed inside

You cry

And I hold you hands

Until the waves of pain subside

And neither of us hurts as bad inside