Dear Q;

If there is one thing I’ve discovered over the years is that you cannot force people to understand things. Either they do or they don’t, there really isn’t any middle ground when it comes comprehension, especially when it comes to certain things. For me, it’s trying to explain my passions. I’ve discovered that trying to explain to someone what you’re passionate about is like trying to explain love to someone who has never felt it before; almost impossible. I mean, I sit down and I simply tell them that this is what I love and they don’t seem to understand. It’s like I’m speaking a completely different language. I don’t understand how someone could argue about passions. It’s not like people argue and say “no, you’re not in love” when someone says that they love someone.

Well, okay, I lied, they do, all the time, but maybe love isn’t the best example to put next to passion. I mean, everyone will experience love, but not everyone will find what they are truly passionate about. Some people go entire lifetimes and never find something that they can truly say that they would die if they did not do that thing. To have something that you see an your life line...it almost hurts. What right do these people have to tell me that what I do is stupid or doesn’t work? What right does someone else have to tell me what my life line is. It’s my life, right? I think I would know what keeps me going on a regular basis.

I guess I’m really not one to talk too much though. If I stay on this comparison that passions are like love when trying to explain them to other people, I have to say that I’ve doubted what other people can call love. I don’t think you can fall in love at first sight, that’s more lust, but there are plenty of people on this Earth who claim that they have fallen in love at first sight. So who am I to judge whether or not that is valid? It’s just a justified as them asking what my life line is though it feels so much different. For someone to say that “no, you can live without that” as compared to “no, you’re not in love” seem so much different in my eyes. Maybe it’s because I’ve found my passion, but I haven’t found love yet. Maybe it’ll all come together when I find the person that understands my passion and loves me at the same time.

Maybe I’ll remain bitter about the fact that no one seems to understand until I fully understand it myself. It’s a funny thing, it all is. I wish I could begin to go an extended period of time without doing this so I could find out what it means to be independent of something. It’s like my addiction, it’s like I’m addicted to my own life line, but I think it’s the dependancy that scares me. What if I have to go some time without my life line, without my passion, will I go insane? Will I die? What’s going to happen to me if I have to set it aside? I worry about myself too much, I think I’m too secure in knowing that it’s always going to be there and the thought of it not being there scares me. I’m bombarded with “what if” after “what if” question and I can’t help but worry that I’m digging my own grave.

I guess that’s how passions work. I can’t see myself without it and I can’t see myself going another day without doing it. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for the people who haven’t found their yet. How tough it must be to get through the hard times with nothing fall back on. I want to say I’m envious of them for not being so dependant on something, but I’m not. I pity them. After all, they’re being controlled by the darkness in their lives, crushed by it, with nothing to fall back on. I guess, in that sense, I’m very lucky. I guess in that sense, I’m fortunate to have my crutch, my passion, even I lean on it a bit too hard sometimes. My only worry is that how strong my crutch is and what happens if it breaks.