Chapter 1

It was on that fretful day that I tried to talk to her, and that would determine everything.

At first I was just using her to get to her friend, Justin. But little did I know I would become very close friends with Justin, and fall in love with her.

It was gym class, grade 10. We were out on the field playing soccer. I'm not really the athletic type, having kind of a straight figure, not a lot of curves. I wasn't terribly over weight, but I still didn't love my body. She on the other hand, is a badminton player. She had a great figure, but you could never tell because she wore clothes that concealed her looks. Hoodies, loose band t-shirts, loose jeans, nothing like hiphuggers, or shirts that were tight on the chest. Anyways, I went and talked to her while our teacher was getting us organized.

"Nice day out eh?"

She looked at me and smiled faintly.

"Yea."

"I'm Marie. Nice to meet you." I stuck out my hand and she just looked at it.

"Oh." And she shook it.

That was the beginning. I never really hooked up with Justin, we just talked a lot and then his old friends moved to the school and I found a new friend. But before his new friends came some stuff happened that I wish I could take back.

It was Valentines Day and I was in my first period French class. We were writing poems so I decided to keep mine and give it to her. Tegan. As I wrote, I imagined her short black hair reaching her neck, her smile, her laugh, everything about her. And then I wrote a whole blurb in French. Now, I wrote it with the intention of her understanding it because she was in French 10, and I was in French 31. But she didn't quite know. So after Justin gave it to her, she asked me for a sample of my writing. I wrote as wildly as I could, and she thought it wasn't my writing. Thank God. Then she asked me to translate for her. Being a moron, I accepted. And then while doing math, we talked about our social project, going over to Tegan's house and mine to do it, and what else we needed.

The day after that all happened I was over at her house working on our social project. Justin was out of town that day so it was only Tegan, two of her friends in our social class, and me.

That night I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I was listening to my music, as usual, but I was also writing her an e-mail explaining the French poem, how I was bi, and how I loved her. I was planning on saving it to my drafts for a better time to send it but as I was done, I forgot my plan and accidentally sent it. Later on that night, Justin called and told me Tegan was freaking out. I thought she was a good enough friend, I pleaded to Justin, but I guess friendship just isn't enough for her. I cried myself to sleep that night, praying to God on my knees through sobs that she would forget it all and everything could go back to normal.

The next day the social project was moved from my house to the other end of the city. No one called me to tell me and I was lucky Justin texted me. I called me mom who was at my Grandma's and she came to pick me up. She was wondering why it was moved so I told her. I came out to her and told her I was bi (she didn't believe me and told me it was just a phase), and the e-mail.

As I reached the house, I hoped that no one knew what happened, and that she wasn't there. I was the second one there, the first was one of Tegan's friends in the group, and the house was the other friend of Tegan's. Tegan arrived shortly after I did, not even looking at me. She black hair shadowed her face and made her look mad, or possibly sad. But I knew it was a mix of everything. Justin arrived just after her and I was glad because then I had some one to talk to.

The project was awkward. She eventually loosened up and talked to me. But the next day at school she ignored me, shunned me and one by one sucked all my friends into liking her better. She was destroying me and she didn't even care. And I couldn't believe she replaced me for someone she didn't even like.

Soon enough she talked to me when no one else was around, and that made me feel bad. She was ashamed of me now. Then when we made the badminton team she talked to me, but then one day she just ignored me and was friends with someone else. She replaced me again.

I graduated sane, always wondering what would have happened if I didn't tell her. I would have told her eventually like when we graduated, but it would have been so much nicer.

When I graduated I moved away to New York to go to Julliard, which I was accepted to late in my grade 12 year. I was excited as I flew on that plane over the ocean, looking down on the New York skyline, New Jersey, everything was so overwhelming. I had already assured I had a dorm and my schedule. I was set. And as soon as I got off the plane, took a taxi to my dorm I unpacked and left to go to a therapist. It's not what you think.

You just have to go to a therapist for two years when you want a sex change.