so glad

so glad that my breathing and heart’s beating

are controlled by a primitive part of my brain

if not…

I might have voluntarily stopped

long ago

because it comes in cycles

breathe in

happiness

heart beat

future pain ignored

breathe out

contentment

then nothing

for some .5 seconds

you don’t breathe

your heart beats wildly

in fear

that you may never breathe again

then you breathe in

and the cycle continues

but at this moment

even the primitive survival driven part of my brain

tells me to hold my breath

never to breathe in or out or beat again

I thought I had already done this dance

already slain this demons

obviously not

so I’ll just stand here

and force my brain to breathe

force my primitive parts to beat

force my smiles and hold my tears

for what else can the inner injured do