she screamed

every day

she’d scream

or yell

or simply condescend

until all he’d do was beg

“I’m soo sorry”

“I’ll make it up to you”

“You don’t want fries, I’ll get you anything”

I vowed to treat him better

vowed to show him affection and love

I tried

he didn’t want it

he wanted to be beaten down

he wanted me to control him

not love him

he wanted a mother with sexual benefits

not a best friend with emotional attachment

but I gave him what I could

what little I had

for you see, I am young and stupid

but he made me feel old

made me feel responsible for his actions

his messes

his problems

when he refused to be

he made me feel like his mother should be paying me for my babysitting services

because that’s what he was

a nineteen-year-old baby

no plans, no future

no idea

I couldn’t take it

“I’m sixteen” I’d shout

“Let me live my life”

“I don’t want to a have child”

“Especially not one three years older than me”