I have MAJOR exams. But I am not studying. My English Adv. Paper One is on Friday. I am so fucked.
Well, Enjoy :)

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Sour Balloon Plastic

White

We break apart and my head is swimming, swimming, swimming. I think I just died and went to heaven.

Hi, God. How’s it going?

Adelaide?

My, you sure sound a lot like Steven, God.

Ad? Ad? Adelaide?

Steven’s fingers wave in front of my eyes.

“Huh?” I say, very intelligently.

“You okay?” he asks, frowning. His hand is still on my face and his pale, creepy eyes are staring into my soul.

I blink. “I need to…change,” I say as I slide away. Steven looks like he’s about to protest, but ends up saying nothing. As I walk to my room, I see him staring at his hands absently. A crease forms between my eyebrows as I shake my head to clear the fogginess. I close my door behind me and instantly break into a sweat.

What just happened? What just happened? What just happened? What just happened? What just happened? What just happened?

What just happened?

Rewind.

He kissed me.

Steven kissed me.

Oh my god. Oh my god.

Fuck me DEAD.

Fuck me dead and sever off my penis with a woodchip. Like that Indonesian chick did to her boyfriend when she thought he cheated on her. Headline: Man “baffled” after girlfriend severs his penis. Apparently, she cut it off and ran away with it. Like a trophy. That was so awesome.

I start to frantically tug my shorts off and hope that my hips don’t rip off with them. What was he doing? I don’t understand. He said he didn’t want me and now he’s kissing me and then he calls me nasty and ow! Leatherburn!

I yank off my shorts and immediately feel my butt cheeks expand and sigh. My shirt comes off with a lot of struggle, particularly around my head, and I slip into a nice loose tee and pants. I leave the g-string on. I don’t mind it. It makes me feel sexy.

I grip my door handle and freeze.

What am I going to do?

Fuck him senseless.

What am I going to say?

I love your ass, bitch.

…

Do you mind, mini-me? I’m trying to have a decent fret here.

Sorry. But does he like you?

Does he like me? Does he like me? He can’t could he? I mean, he just said I was nasty and made my lip bleed. That’s not exactly romantic right? Yeah? He can’t. Right?

More importantly, do you like him?

Yeah! I do.

Him, or his ass.

His asshim.

I see.

Shut up mini-me! You’re making thing complicated.

Do you love him?

…Okay, that just gave me jitters. Cheesy!

Fine no love. You like him right?

Yes. And I like him more than I like his ass. No, no! His ass is still great! I’m not saying it’s not. Like, I like his legs and his arms and his head and his hair and his nose and his cheeks and his toes and his eyes…wait, his eyes scare me. And I like how he swears and his insecurities and his shitty job and his second shitty job and his shitty future prospects and his shitty clothing taste and his shitty music taste and his shitty friends and his…shit.

Then what’s the problem? You like him. He kissed you. He likes you. You like each other. Woo-hoo! Match made in heaven! Ain’t life grand?

Yes, life is grand. Life is very grand. I grip the handle harder.

“Open. The. Goddamn. Thing.” I grit out between my teeth. Life is grand!

I open the goddamn thing and instantly regret it. What am I going to do?? What am I going to say?? Hi, Steven. I really, seriously, like you but I ran away from you anyway when we made out on your knees. Don’t ask me why. Funny how these things happen huh?

I talk too much in my head .

I shuffle back into the living room. Steven is in the same position, except he’s staring at a mug in his hands, instead of just his hands.

“I made tea,” he says as I sit awkwardly on the other end of the couch.

I look at the steaming mugs. He made tea. Okay.

I take my mug off the coffee table and sip it. It’s hot. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence is starting to not sound like a word.

Silence.

“Steven, I –,” I start to say, just as Steven says, “Ad, I’m sorry –,”

We blink at each other.

“You go,” we both offer.

“No, you,” we both say again.

“No, you.”

“No. You.”

“No! You!”

“Fine! Me!” Steven exclaims, setting his mug down. He turns to me and takes a deep breath –

“Do you like me?” I ask, before he can say anything. I think I could slap myself. Wait, I’m already slapping myself. With mental, twiggy sticks. Have you no tact boy?! Why am I so blunt?

“Huh?” Steven says, looking extremely uncomfortable.

“Do you li-,” I start.

“Yeah, I gotcha,” Steven says, turning his head to hide behind his hair. His hair is sorta long now. Some of it reaches his chin. I wanna touch.

However, I remain seated, rigidly and impatiently. Sweat is forming under my arms and this is so awkward I want to just lean across and headbutt his nose in.

“Steven?” I ask, somewhat timidly. My heart is thud, thud, thud, thud, thudding. What’s he going to say? I can’t look at him. I can’t look at him. Why can’t he just be a simple fuck with no strings attached? Why? Why? Because you luuurrrveeee – shut up, mini-me.

“I-,” he clears his throat, “I er…Yeah, I um…”

I sidle closer. “Yes?” I prompt.

“I…” he glances up at me and casts his gaze quickly back down again. “Adelaide. Look, that wasn’t meant to happen okay? I don’t like you like that. It was – it was just a mistake, alright?”

I stare.

That hurts.

That seriously, fucking hurts.

How dare he kiss me and tell me it “wasn’t meant to happen.” Oh fuck him. Fuck him to bloody Pluto and back.

“Like shit it wasn’t meant to happen,” I hiss quietly. He looks at me and blinks rapidly as I bare my teeth and lean closer. How dare he. Motherfucker.

“You fucking wanted to kiss me, dickhead,” I growl, “You think you can just go fuck around with me and tell me it was a freaking mistake?! Get a life, Steven. You wanted it and you know it. How goddamn d-,”

“Shut up,” he says softly. He looks at me again and his eyes are blazing wild fire. He’s really angry. The rest of my impromptu speech die on my lips as he glares icy daggers at me.

“Just shut up for once, Adelaide,” he says coldly, standing up.

He tilts his head and furrows his brows. “Okay, let me get this straight; I’m the one fucking with you? Me? Jesus, what the hell?” His voice starts to rise in volume as he towers over me, “Do you ever get woken up at fucking two am in the morning from the goddamn sounds I make fucking some little twink I picked up at the mall? Do you ever have to watch me get fucked by some bonehead I met at the fucking bus stop? Do you ever have to watch me limp through the doors after riding the biggest cock in the fucking southern hemisphere? Huh? Do you?”

I look at him, widely and fearfully. His voice lowers into a frosty hiss, “Because I do, Adelaide. I see you get fucked and fucked and fucked again. And it freaking hurts because..." He exhales, "I want you.”

He glares at me. “I fucking want you.”

I gape at him, trying to stop my fists from shaking in anger and swallowing the lump forming in my throat. Steven’s such a fucking liar. Shithead. Shithead. Shithead.

“If you want me,” I croak. “Then why don’t you fucking take me!?” I stand up and snarl dangerously at him.

He freezes and looks at the ground again, “I don’t want…”

“Fuck you,” I say. He wants me. He doesn’t want me. He wants me. He doesn’t want me. What the fuck ever. I don’t care anymore. He’s making me swear too much.

“Fuck you too,” he shoots back. Bloody mood swings.

“Fuck you too, too.”

“Fuck you too, too, too.”

“Fuck you too, too, too, too.”

“Fuck you too, too, too, too, too…too? Argh! Fuck you!”

“Yeah, fuck me!” I roar, reaching over and grabbing the front of his shirt.

“I don’t want to fuck you!” Steven yells back, gripping my shirt and wrenching us so close, our noses touch and we breathe the same air.

“Then why did you say you fucking want to?!” I shriek.

“Because I fucking want to!”

“Then fuck me!”

“No!”

“Why?!”

“I don’t want to!”

“Fuck me!”

“No!

“Fuck me!”

“Fine!”

My eyes snap up in surprise. What? I won?

Steven lets go of my shirt and holds my head as he crushes our mouths together. But there is no passion in the kiss. He reopens the cut in my lip and for the second time tonight, I taste my own blood. He’s moving viciously against me and I don’t like it. It hurts too much.

I shove him away, but he pulls me back by my elbow and slams us together again. I struggle as he sticks his tongue in my mouth and I make muffled noises, elbowing him sharply away. He grabs my waist as I turn and we both fall, hard, to the ground. He straddles my hips roughly and lays over me, pinning my hands above my head with his.

“Is this what you want?” he whispers in my ear as I writhe under him. He’s so heavy and the floor is damn hard. His lips graze my ear and I shudder. Stupid, horny body. Traitor!

“Is it?” he breathes, sliding his tongue down my neck to suck brutally at the skin there. I jerk involuntarily and bite my lip. I hate him.

“No,” I whimper. Damn that feels so painfully good. “I don’t want this.”

He bites down hard and I shriek. Fucking vampirian tendencies!

“Stop it!” I cry, a little panicky, “Steven, stop it! I don’t like it!” I buck and twist around, trying to loosen his hold on my wrists.

He desuctions himself from my neck and arches over me, his hair tickling my face.

“Stop it,” he says, almost mockingly, “I don’t like it either.”

His expression is inscrutable as he looks down at me. There is no desire. No lust. No nothing. Just void. I jump in shock as he tugs my shirt up and over my head, holding my hands with one of his. The cold hits me hard and I get goosebumps everywhere.

“What are –,” I say and let out a gasp as his free hand tugs roughly at my waistline. Suddenly, a wave of fear washes over me. No. no, no, no, no, no. Not like this. I don’t want it like this. I start to thrash violently, but Steven persists. Damn him and his muscles.

“No, Steven. Don’t. I don’t like it!” I squeal, like a piglet about to be slain. Fucking hell, it sounds like I’m going to be raped. Didn’t I want this? Didn’t I want him? But, not like this. Not empty, like this.

“Stop it…” I moan as he holds me through that stupid thong I left on. I screw my eyes shut and turn my head in embarrassment. God, not like this.

“Ad?”

I hide my face in my arm.

“Christ, are you crying?” What? Am I? Dude, I don’t cry over petty things like this. Right?

“No,” I say, but he holds my face gently anyway and runs his thumbs under my eyes. Dammit! They are wet! For the love of…my-my-my dignity! Ah, the embarrassment. I've lost face. The shame. The shame.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, pressing my cheek against his. “I just wanted to…I don’t know. I just wanted to scare you or something.”

I roll my eyes. No shit, mate.

He slides off me and we sit up. His hands are still caressing my face and I just stare back at him passively. The stroking motions are making me feel sleepy and I blink when he wraps his arms around me and buries his face into my hair.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” he keeps repeating, rocking us back and forth as he holds me to his chest. Fucking mood swings. I don’t get him. I sigh and let him rock us.

Bloody rapist in the making.

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Boo. I am sick again. I started a new story. Idiot. It’s crack slash in a fairytale setting cos fairytales freak me out loads. I love them. Snow White scares me so badly.

Sucky chapter with too much ...emotional stuff. My writing skills are degenerating. I love essays. Honestly, they are the easiest things to write. This story seriously goes NO WHERE. I will come back to the roses in the next chapter. Well, I plan to. Not sure how well that will go. This story has ZERO textual integrity.

Thanks for the reviews loverlies. Specially to: Bravado Pirate, Maris. S, I Enjoy Cotton Socks, gothicHobbit08, Aquafied, Amindaya, SecretWhispers, YourMother!, I’ll Be Your Fairytale, end of the world boy, magalina, Harusaki and Momoro.
Oh! The hundred mark as been passed. Yay! Free gummy snakes and daffodil wands for all! I love everyone so much. Thank you seriously, so much. I hate how you can’t do that less than three thing here. They just turn up as threes. 3 3 3 3 heart heart heart heart. Gayness.

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