Bittersweet Poison

Oh, sorrow, bittersweet poison,
Full of itself and itself alone
Selfish cup that I drink heavily of
As I drink more, it increases, I deplete
Drunk not on alcohol and high not on drugs
But addicted to a poison of self-victimization,
Ravaged by a lust for fatal pain and senseless tragedy
Possessed by a longing to bleed, to scream, to cry,
To bleed black and crimson and breathe cold, wintry air
Desiring to look upon the world with dark anguish
Letting myself get choked up by decaying thorns
(Blank memories of the roses he gave me)
Begging for freedom through slavery
My breath carries lies through a vain song to the world
Full of the bittersweetness of life and deliciously curdling poison
I cry out in confession:
I'm addicted to sorrow!
The painfully lovely taste of salty tears,
The feel of haughty shadow flattering my eyes,
The scarlet seduction of darkness and imprisonment on my heart,
The numbness of apathy towards the unfeeling world
Yet, at once--
I'm dying inside!
I'm dying inside!
I'm so sick, so sick,
The blissfully cursed poison is finally killing me,
And whose fault is that?
Come, reach down to me,
Please, reach down to me,
I'm choking down another glass of poison
Hoping you'll come be the antidote
My drinking is supposed to be a backwards bribe
Pity me, but I don't want your pity
Drink with me, but I don't want to see you die
Hate me, but I only want your love
Push me away, leave me alone!
But your presence is what reminds me I'm alive
Yet, you're still the reason that I'm killing myself--
I must've lost my mind so long ago.
Oh, salvation, deadly antidote
Grant me even just one drip of you!
Please, just one fatally healing drip--
Maybe you can restore
What I let the poison take away