Dear Z;

This is it, this is the end, ground zero, the beginning and the end of it all. I don’t want to say that I’m proud of what I’m going to do, I’m not going to try and justify it either because I know no one could possibly understand why it had to come to this. Maybe death wasn’t the answer, maybe tomorrow you’ll all find out that all of my problems magically fixed themselves, mere hours after I take my own life. In the end I might be nothing but a bunch irony, the dark people snickering under their breaths at my funeral. I would if I wasn’t dead, which I will be. This isn’t going to be one of those attempts that people read about in newspapers, I am going all the way because that is what I want. At the end of the day, I want to be dead, and there isn’t a thing anyone could say to change my mind.

I wish I could say that I’m sorry for the things that I’m going to put the few people that care about me through, but I’m really not. Those people that care about me will understand why I had to do this and my true friends will be only one’s who aren’t crying, they will be the one’s nodding and understanding why I did this. The one’s you see crying, those are the one’s who’ll never understand why it had to come to this, they will be the one’s asking “why” while the rest of them simply nod without saying a word. Those who know why already have the answer and they are the only one’s worthy of knowing the truth.

When the sun goes down on this day I am going to take my life. It’s dusk now and my last sunset is beautiful. The world is beautiful, it’s the people that are rotten, they are rotting this beautiful world slowly and surely. Maybe that’s why I want to die, maybe that’s the answer to your “why,” but know that it can never be so easily explained. I could never just tell you why I wanted to die, why I’m going to die, there isn’t enough time. I explained in it in my lifetime to those who care and with only a few short hours remaining I don’t have time to write it in a letter. I just wish I could make people understand that I really didn’t have any way out. This, death, this is my ticket to true happiness. For once I need to put my own happiness first and forget about the rest of the world. It did nothing to for me so I will do nothing for it in return.

The sun just set beyond the horizon and the first stars are coming out. As soon as the last light vanishes I will take my own life, but I think I will spend it with myself and not trying to explain it all to you. If you know then you’re supposed to and take comfort in that.

This is it, this is the end, goodbye.