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Oooookkaaaayyyss!!! This is the re-written version of Life Quotes: Remotely Interesting. I decided to take the old one down because there weren't enough in each chapter, and I have updated for each chapter too soon.
But these ones are newer and fresher! Although, this chapter consists of some of my favorites from the old version. Two and on will have more recent ones, and a lot more in them
Me: I CAN'T GET THE PENCIL IN THE HOLE!
Anna: Ummm, do you need help?
Me: YES!
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Aimee: Well son of a Judist Priest!!
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Buddy: ((showing me some pictures on his cellular)) That's my dog, Ace...that's my dog. No wait, that's my sister.
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Anna: RAPE!
Kid on the bus: GRAPE! I WANT THE GRAPE!
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Anna: I found a way to help me remember to spell Connecticut! Connect-I-Cut!
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Me: Oh yeah, nothing like a hard, juicy apple!
JC: Woah, WHAT!? I heard "hard" and "juicy" in the same sentence!
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Rachel: Play that skunky music, anywhoooo! Play that skunky music RRIIIIIGHHHT!!
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Shi: Old Annol can't sing her way out of a pail and the pail had handles on it!
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Veronica: ((eyes shut)) I am a magician! Your shirt is grey! ((peeks)) With hearts!
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Me: Oh, my God, Sam...I opened my milk carton...FROM THE WRONG SIDE!
Sam: It doesn't matter!
Me: Yes it does!!
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JC: Give me my cheese, God dammit!
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Shi: God, I have to pee so bad I can taste it!
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Shi: He's hot! But I like him for more than that.
Me: Ummm, you like him for his nuts, what?
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Joel: This is the pencil-of Narnia! This is the note paper-of Narnia! This is the SHOELACE-of Narnia!
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Aimee: You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!
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Andy:...This room smells like three-day-old armpit-ass!
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Derek: Hey...hows about some of this?((opens Pepsi, fizz and all))
Me: I don't like Pepsi...
Derek: You think this is Pepsi?
Me:...((nod))
Derek: It has a label on the outside...but on the inside...it is so much better than Pepsi!
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Mom: Don't tell anyone, though.
Jake: Don't tell anyone what?
Mom: That you're gay.
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Cathy: This is the nicest thing you'll hear from me-I love you!
Me: This is the meanest thing you'll hear from me-I hate you!
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Buddy: You can put Heaven! And that other place!
Julie: Buddy, your body is NOT in Heaven!
Buddy: Well, it will be one of these days!
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((Julie shows me and Buddy her drawing of weight-lifting champion Helga))
Julie: She can life a thousand pounds!
Buddy: Make it a million.
Julie: Nah, I'll keep it at a thousand. A million is a bit unbelievable.
Buddy: C'mon, Julie, it's HELGA! She can do it!!
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Aimee: Happy Birthday, Gin Gar! Do I need to seduce you again?
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Me: Hey...Jamie!...did Grandpa just say "shank"?
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JC: I'm Jesus!
Rachel: You have a picture of Jesus!?
JC: No, my nickname is Jesus!
Rachel: JC, you don't even believe in Jesus! So you don't even believe in YOURSELF!
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Buddy: Miss B, she wants to know if she can use her crack pipe!
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Me: AAAH! STAND DOWN, STAND DOWN!
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Andy: I'm Jon's homeless bug! I'm sitting on his shoulder!
Jon: Wouldn't that make you a parrot?
Andy: Fine, I'm a parrot-bug!
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Cathy: SPUNKIES!
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Aimee: God, what the suck!?
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Anna: Emu shizit!
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Andy: I'M A HOMELESS BUG!
Jon: No wait! I got it! ((buttons jacket around Andy's neck))
Andy: I'M A SUPER BUG!
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Adam: I am proud to admit that I am a pig farmer!
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Jon: Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
Some Guy: I already have!
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Anna: You were supposed to fill it out, you dip shit!
Me: You're shit...
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Rachel: You got her pregnant!You have a penis? I understand, I have one, too...it doesn't squirt little juices though...am I distracting your lunch?
Sam: ((nods, Go-Gurt in her hand)) Yes!
Rachel: Sorry...HEY LOOK, IT'S SQUIRTING! IN HER MOUTH!
Sam: ((stops)) GROSS!
Rachel:Is it salty?
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Adam: That sounds a little too real, Kevin!
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Dad: What if Spaghetti O's were...purple...and tasted like bananas?
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Tony: I'm gonna take it off...it's getting hot in here!
Dakota: NO, KEEP IT ON!
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Laurie: Leave my ass alone!!
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(after Ashlee yanked my shoulder and pulled me over)
Ashlee: Well, you didn't have to fall over quite so much...you fell right in my armpit!
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Me: OH GOD!
Lacie: What, does your boob hurt?
Me: Yes!
Lacie: That means you're GROWING, Jinger!
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Shelby: You guys might want to sit down, I have big news!
Andy: Oh God, she's pregnant again.
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Tony: Jonothan, quit being gay!
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Aimee: You erased my TA-DER!
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Adam: I want to be a Power Ranger!
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((The culprits of the rule "no calling after lights out" argue))
Samantha: Casey! You were calling me!
Casey: Nu-uh, I was calling you BACK!
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Mr. Romaus: It's located in the subduction zone.
Andy: Hahahaha, seduction zone!
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Emily: JC! Come HERE!
JC: No, YOU come here!
Emily: I have a lollipop!
JC: OK!
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Rachel: I can make the most unsexual thing sexual.
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Aimee: Are you for cereal!?
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Jason: When the fuck did we stop to get ice cream!? Did we get fucking ice cream!?
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Veronica: God, my pad fell off!
Aimee: Your pad fell off? Don't bleed through!
(note: Veronica was reffering to her tuba key pad)
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Casey: Hey, Jackie, what's up?
Me: Why'd you call him Jackie?
Casey: 'Cause, we were datin'...he was my girlfriend.
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Tara: You know what the best part of having a lover is? We get weird looks from people! Some boys on the bus were all like "OH MY GOD!" and the girls were like "Ewwww!"
(note: Tara and I walked with the arm-around look...people on many buses stared)
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Miss B: Josh said "My dick's fixing my pants" and Ashlee goes "Hmm, how does that work?"!
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(no one knows where one of our chaparones went to. Buddy's response is as follows...)
Buddy: She's having dick! ((realizes what he just said and laughs)) I'm sorry!! It's too late!! The word "withdrawl" was left out of that sentence!
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Tony: Something smells like ass!
Andy: Don't you mean Axe?
Tony: Ummm, yeah, Axe, that's what I meant to say!
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Jake: ((says something about a thong))
Me: Jake, you're wearing a THONG!?
Jake: Only on Thursdays...I mean...what?
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Tony: You big tarter saucer!
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Veronica: My pants have a hole in them...and I just put my ball into it...
((whole room busts out laughing))
Mercedes: Veronica! Think before you say!
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Sam: What'd she say?
Rachel: I don't know...I think she said "Go penis" or something...
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Aimee: I'm for cereal, man!
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Some guy I hate: Ow my nipple! That hurt!!
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Aimee: I got orthopedic shoes on!
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JC: Your mom has a penis!
Rachel: And you don't!
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Cathy: You murdered your cheesecake before you even ATE it!!
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Buddy: She's listening, aren't you Jinger!
Mama Ruse: Well, she's not listening very good!
Buddy: Yes she is! If I tell her to go to sleep she'll think about it!